Some people are very strict about not letting others borrow their possessions.
Even if they might be something that holds no meaning to them whatsoever, they still don’t like the idea of lending something to someone unsure of when, or if, they will ever get it back.
Others are a bit more free and easy about lending things to friends and family, even if they are extremely valuable.
Of course, everyone has their limits.
Redditor IllustratorLow7925’s sister asked if she could borrow something of extreme value belonging to the original poster (OP), assuming their sisterly bond would mean there would be no problems.
To her surprise, the OP gave a resolute no to her sister’s request.
She even stood her ground against her family, who all ganged up on her, even going so far as to call her “selfish.”
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not lending my sister my wedding dress?”
The OP explained why she wouldn’t even consider a recent request made by her sister:
“I recently got married and wore a beautiful wedding dress that my wife custom-made for me.”
“It means a lot to me because she put so much love and effort into it.”
“A few weeks after the wedding, my sister, who is getting married in six months, asked if she could borrow my dress.”
“My sister and I have a fairly good relationship, so it wasn’t anything personal when I politely said no and suggested we go dress shopping together to find her something nice.”
“My sister was furious and called me selfish.”
“My parents sided with her, saying I should share because we’re family.”
“They argued that since she liked the dress so much, I should let her borrow it for one day.”
“They called me a hypocrite for always saying I don’t care for inanimate objects but still holding onto the dress like this.”
“Even though they pressured me, I stood my ground.”
“The dress means a lot to me, and I want to keep it safe.”
“Now, everyone is calling me an a**hole, and my sister is barely speaking to me.”
“I feel bad but also think I have the right to say no.”
“So, AITA for not lending my sister my wedding dress?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to lend her sister her wedding dress.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s wedding dress was far too valuable to lend to her sister, with many pointing out that her sister didn’t take into account any possible alterations or adjustments that might have needed to be made:
“NTA.”
“Your family is overreacting.”
“Good for you for holding your ground.”
“Suggested script: I don’t care for inanimate objects, but this was an incredibly loving gift from my wife.”
“It is different.”
“I will not be sharing or lending it, nor will I continue to have conversations about it.”
“If you bring it up again, I will (hang up the phone/ leave room/ go home).”
“And then do so.”
“Good luck!”- Foreign_Plan_5256
“NTA.”
“There’s a difference between borrowing a sweater for a night out and borrowing a wedding dress that your spouse custom-made for you.”
“It’s clearly a very special item and special memory for you, and she had no right to get mad.”- dr239
“This just screams my sister is the golden child.”
“How does your wife, the one who made the dress by hand for HER future wife feel about all her love and effort being demanded given to your sister?”
“A handmade wedding dress made by your wife as a gift to you is beyond personal.”
“Every ounce of time your wife put in was for YOU, not your sister.”
“Your sister is trying to take a precious one-of-a-kind gift and make it hers.”
“Your sister and your parents are a**holes.”
“NTA.”- Igottime23
“NTA.”
“It’s YOUR wedding dress.’
“They didn’t pay for it.”
“They’re not obligated to it.”
“It’s not custom-made for your sister, it’s custom-made for YOU.”
“How does your family think they have the right to it?”- saintmada
“NTA.”
“It is not just a dress, it is a wedding gift from your spouse.”
“Ask Sis if she’s willing to trade her engagement ring for it and then maybe she’ll clue in how inappropriate the request is.”- JeepersCreepers74
“NTA.”
“If your sister’s wedding is only 6 months out, her reaction may be explained by the fact that in many places, 6 months is not enough time to order a wedding dress.”
“I had my dress ordered and alterations booked 10 months out, and I only had a bit of wiggle room on the timeline.”
“It took about 6 months for my dress even to come in, and alterations of a bridal gown take time!”
“So sis may be panicking as she’s realized that many places cannot accommodate that turnaround, and she needs to get something off the rack.”
“Which means she either needs to get really lucky and find a sample dress that will work…or she needs someone else to loan her a dress.”
“Naturally, she doesn’t want a sample gown that many people have tried on.”
“She wants your bespoke gown worn by only 1.”
“Don’t lend it to her.”
“I highly suspect she would alter it.”- CrewelSummer
“NTA.”
“‘I should share because we’re family’ — aka ‘you should share because your feelings mean nothing and your sister’s mean everything when it comes to YOUR possessions’.”
“It’s bullying.”
“Your sister calling you names should have slammed the door on any further discussion.”
“Everyone is not calling you an AH.”
“A**holes are calling you an AH.”
“They’re too cheap, too self-absorbed to get a new dress.”
“Make sure none of them know where your dress is.”- FuzzyMom2005
“NTA, but I strongly suggest storing your dress somewhere safe away from your home, like renting an entire storage locker that requires a code and/or photo id to access and leave it there for a year.”
“Until you get your dress somewhere safe, don’t let any family members kicking up a stink into your home and don’t leave them alone in your home after you’ve safely stashed the dress.”-Suspended_Accountant
“NTA.”
“It’s a handmade dress, not a store-bought one.”
“For you it could be a family heirloom.”
“I’d explain it like that, and if they don’t like it then that’s their problem.”- Woden2521
“NTA.”
“Your wife made you that, and it holds immense sentimental value.”
“You have every right to treasure and keep it safe for you and you alone.”
“Demanding someone else’s wedding dress is pretty audacious.”
“Does your family always back her up in this type of nonsense?”- VThaddeusToadEsq
“NTA.”
“Everybody knows that a wedding dress isn’t just any dress.”
“It’s your wedding dress, and if she wears it, even just for one day (because that’s the same as most weddings, after all), it’ll feel to her like her wedding dress.”
“Especially if it has to be altered at all to fit her.”- fallingintopolkadots
“NTA of course for all the reasons told by everyone.”
“PLEASE! KEEP AWAY your dress until your sister’s wedding.”
“There are awful, infuriating, and definitive stories about mother or sister destroying the dress if you turn your back one second too long.”
“HIDE your dress, please.”- zflora
“It’s your dress that was handmade for you, not by some relative or a person you paid but by your spouse.”
‘It is not your sister’s dress.”
“Why doesn’t her future spouse make her a dress?”
“You’re NTA, it’s yours and not hers.”- HorseygirlWH
“NTA.”
“OP, your WIFE made that dress.”
“I promise I’m not bashing people who buy a dress, but everyone here has some idea of how much work this type of project takes.”
“A lot, to put it simply.”
“Typically, most women feel very connected to their dress, whether it is passed down from mother to daughter or perhaps it was purchased as is or made into that perfect dress.”
“The fact it was made by your partner makes it that much more special, OP.”
“I would never let anyone, other than my daughter, wear it if I were in your shoes.”
“Sis just wants to ride coattails and be a princess without the work.”
“Dress finding is hard!”- Sad-Expression7697
“NTA.”
“If at all possible, I would relocate your wedding dress somewhere outside your sister’s and parents’ ability to get their hands on it until after the wedding.”
“Not saying that they would go through your home to get to it, but by their reactions, I wouldn’t put it past them.”- shy2shot
All brides are supposed to wear or carry “something borrowed” on their wedding day, and many brides have gotten married in their mother’s wedding gowns.
Even so, the OP’s sister should have known how valuable that gown was to her and leveled her expectations a bit.
Something the OP’s sister might wish to consider is whether her sister-in-law could make her her own custom-made wedding gown.