No two people have the same reaction when they’re asked to be in someone’s wedding party.
For some people, it’s an honor, as it means a close friend or family member wants you to be a part of what they hope will be the happiest day of their lives and stand front and center as they begin this important new chapter of their lives.
Others, however, see it more as a burden, feeling that being part of a wedding party is really just a chore, and to be at the beck and call of the bride or groom so they will have to do as little work as possible for their wedding.
Redditor Affectionate_Bus6032 was mostly pleased when the fiancé of her best friend asked her to be one of her bridesmaids.
Her enthusiasm began to wane, however, when she went dress shopping, as she and the bride couldn’t see eye to eye on what to wear.
Eventually, the original poster (OP) couldn’t hide her displeasure to the bride or groom about her involvement in their wedding, causing an apparent rift in their friendship.
Wondering if she was insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for accepting to be a bridesmaid?”
The OP explained how her involvement in her best friend’s wedding was becoming less and less celebratory with each passing day.
“My (25 F[emale]) best friend Mark (25 M[ale]) is getting married to his fiancée Natalie (25 F) in August.”
“Natalie asked me to be her bridesmaid two months ago, and I gracefully accepted. Although I was kind of bothered Mark didn’t ask me to be a groomswoman, but I didn’t voice it to them because I didn’t want Natalie to get mad at me.”
“Anyway, the past few weeks we’ve been going bridesmaids’ dress and shoe shopping until the bride finds something she likes for us.”
“She said we can pick the style of the dress as long as it is long and in lilac color.”
“I don’t like any of the stuff I try on since I never wear dresses and I’ve never worn high heels either.”
“All bridesmaids found their dress and shoes except me.”
“Natalie has been personally assisting me in order to find the right fit, yet I don’t like anything.”
“After looking up, I decided to ask her if I could wear some platform shoes I have and a lilac tube top with wide-tailored pants.”
“She asked to see the look and seemed to consider it at first but then changed her mind and said no.”
“Dress and high heels.”
“She said my look looks like a corporate/office look, not a bridesmaid one.”
“I explained to her that I hate wearing dresses and high heels, and idk why I should have to.”
“She said that I knew her requirements for the bridesmaids since day one, and if I was uncomfortable with those requirements, why did I accept being a bridesmaid in the first place.”
“I told her I’d rather be a groomswoman instead and not a bridesmaid since I’m not into girly things, and after all, Mark is my best friend, not her.”
“She took great offense to it and told Mark, and Mark got into an argument with me and said that I owe Natalie an apology and how they’re not doing groomswomen and he tried to convince Natalie to take her as a bridesmaid to feel included yet I insulted Natalie with my words and behavior.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for the way she behaved toward Mark and Natalie.
Everyone agreed that Marc and Natalie clearly wanted to include the OP in their wedding, and she should have appreciated that and that wearing a dress on one day of her life wasn’t as big a deal as she was making it out to be.
“YTA.”
“If you weren’t willing to wear a dress, you shouldn’t have accepted.”
“Mark chose not to do a grooms woman.”
“This was them making you a part of the wedding, and it isn’t your wedding. You don’t get to override the (fairly lax) bridal party dress code requirements.”
“Then you insult the bride to boot.”
“In what world do you think you’re being a good friend to Mark by insulting his fiancée?”- Kasparia
“YTA and clearly aren’t receptive to judgment, so why did you post?”
“You were offered a bridesmaid role and accepted, so then you knew the terms.”
“If you didn’t want to wear a dress, then you should have said no.”
“Groomswoman was never an option, and it’s not up to you to decide you deserved that.”
“Natalie has been so accommodating to your ungrateful a**.”
“Do her a favor and step aside because you clearly don’t care to support the couple.”
“And a tube top?!”
“Jesus, are you trying to be antagonistic?”- ForTheLoveOfGiraffe
“YTA.”
“Why o why you are making things difficult for the bride?”
“You said yes to be a bridesmaid, and yet there you are complaining about wearing a dress and heels.”
“Natalie is gracious enough to help you, but no… you still complained.”- Murky-Moose3043
“YTA.”
“Why am I getting the feeling at the wedding there are going an awkward speech about how you’re the groom’s BEST FRIEND and how you’re totally the BEST WOMAN IN HIS LIFE.”
“HAHAHAHAHA.”- Quartz636
“YTA.”
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to expect her bridesmaids to be in a dress.”
“If you want to keep this friend, maybe learn that the world does not rotate around you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”- ThomzLC
“Are you sure you’re 25?”
“YTA.”
“This wedding is NOT about you.”
“You agreed to Natalie’s parameters when you said yes to being a bridesmaid.”
“Either wear a lilac dress or drop out of the wedding party.”- Beck2010
“Are you for real?”
“You’re making it about you.”
“It is THEIR wedding.”
“Good on Mark for standing up for Natalie.”
“NTA for accepting but YTA for your behavior.”- Forsaken_Whereas_353
“YTA.”
“From what you said, he wasn’t going to ask you to be groomswoman but asked fiancée to ask you to be bridesmaid, so you’d be in the wedding party despite you not being her friend, and you made it all about you.”
“I get you don’t do dresses, but for your friend, you could have put in some effort after he went out of his way to make you part of the day.”
“Wear a dress or drop out and be a guest.”- SnooMuffins6875
“YTA.”
“As soon as you said that you ‘gracefully’ accepted her invitation to be a bridesmaid, I knew that you were about to do something AH-ish.”
“Get over yourself before you lose your friends.”- Remarkable_Buyer4625
“YTA.”
“You knew about the requirements.”
“She’s been patient af with you.”- DogsReadingBooks
“Giving major pick me / I’m not like girly girls vibes.”
“YTA.”- starboyp1
“YTA the moment you said tube top.”
“The rest is almost unnecessary.”- userid835
“YTA.”
“You don’t get to choose a role in someone else’s wedding.”
“If Mark would have wanted you as a groomswoman he would have asked.”-callmesillysally
“To summarise:”
“Mark didn’t want you as a grooms woman.”
“He pushed Natalie to ask you to be a bridesmaid.”
“Natalie only asked you for Mark’s sake.”
“You only accept this role even though you didn’t want it.”
“Then you made it about what you want and what you should wear.”
“That about right?”
“Look, this isn’t your wedding.”
“If you don’t want to wear what the bride wants (and she is pretty open to let people pick their own dress) then don’t be in the bridal party and just go as a guest.”
“Stop being so self-absorbed and creating drama.”
“This is their wedding; you ain’t the main character here.”
“YTA.”- Ace_boy08
“YTA, it’s not your wedding it’s not about you and what you want.”
“I’d say ask to just be a guest but idk if they want you there at all anymore since this is how you acted.”- cindylatte
“Oh wow.”
“By the sounds of it, she was very, very patient with you.”
“You do realize this isn’t about you?”
“She’s letting you pick and choose a dress, and you couldn’t – suck it up, buttercup.”
“OP – YTA.”- DiamondHeist1970
“YTA.”
“Even though I think the whole process is ridiculous personally, if you said yes, you should have just accepted whatever she put you in at that point.”
“It’s a pain, and I share the sentiment about super girly things, but it’s just one part of one day… you’ll live.”- Fanky_Spamble
Wearing a dress you will likely never wear again in your life seems like one of the givens of being a bridesmaid.
Something the OP should have considered before saying yes.
But seeing how insensitively and impulsively she spoke to her best friend’s bride-to-be, it seems that thinking before she speaks might not be her strong suit.