Be it a set-up, a blind date, or finally going out with someone you’ve been crushing on for ages, first dates are extremely intimidating.
There’s always the fear that you’ll run out of things to talk about, either you or they won’t live up to expectations, or, on rare occasions, that the person you’re going out with turns out to be not very nice.
With that unfortunate possibility, many people are understandably selective on what information they chose to disclose on the first date.
This includes Redditor Shaquille_oat-meal, who refused to let a recent date know about a part of her life her date continuously pestered her on.
Effectively putting an end to any possible future.
But after being scolded by the friend who set them up, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling a guy the name of the company I work at?”
The OP explained how some bad experiences in the past led her to be more selective of the information she gives out on early dates, and she stuck to her guns while texting a man she was set up with by a friend.
“I (22 F[emale]) work as a graphic designer at a decent company.”
“Recently a friend of mine texted me saying how a friend of hers saw my picture on her story (she posted a picture of us together) and thought I was cute and was wondering if he could DM me.”
“She told me he was a graphic designer as well and had same interests as me.”
“I thought there’s no harm in talking, if I don’t feel comfortable, I can just always end the conversation.”
“So she gave the guy a green signal and he texted me. “
“He was polite, and sweet.”
“We had barely been talking for 2 days at that point when the conversation suddenly reached about our jobs.”
“He was telling me about his job and roles, so I shared some vague information about my work as well.”
“Then he asked me where did I work?”
“I asked him what he meant and he specified that he wanted to know the company I worked at.”
“Now it might not seem like a big deal, but in the past, multiple times I have had instances where guys who I shared any info about where I live, worked, or went to college to, hadn’t ended well.”
“The last guy knew where I worked and after I ended things after the first date had showed up at my work and sent spam emails to the HR.”
“So since then I had been careful about sharing any personal details with anyone that I don’t trust 100%.”
“So when this guy asked for my companies name, I politely told him that I currently don’t feel comfortable sharing the name but eventually if we get closer then I wouldn’t mind. “
“He said okay and dropped it for then.”
“The next day he brought up the same question again and I repeated the same thing.”
“But when he brought it up for the third time, I kinda blew up at him and blocked him.”
“Around an hour later my friend who initially told me about him sent me a long text saying how I was rude to her friend and how I was acting ungrateful after being set up and that I was embarrassing her.”
“I explained the situation to her and she said that it wasn’t really a big deal, she suggested the guy to me and I should have trusted her judgement and blocking him and yelling at him was a b*tch move.”
“She called me an a**hole and told some of our friends how I ungrateful I am.”
“I personally don’t believe that I did anything wrong, but since most of our friends are taking her side, I’m worried that maybe I could have handled it better.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for refusing to disclose the name of the company she worked for.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to her privacy, especially in light of her past bad experiences, and her friend was way out of line for scolding her.
“NTA.”
“You have a very reasonable boundary, with a history behind it.”
“The guy behaved badly, and your friend sucks for taking his side.”- KaliTheBlaze
“NTA.”
“You explained that it made you feel uncomfortable and the reason why.”
“He should’ve respected it and your friend really should understand why you’d be cautious.”-copperboom52
“NTA.”
“‘Ungrateful’?!”
“Let me get this straight, you’re supposed to be ‘grateful’ for being set up with a man?! “
“And then be so ‘grateful’ you ignore personal boundaries?”
“My god.”
“You are not the a**hole in this situation.”- rrriot-kitty
“NTA.”
“Very suspicious he wouldn’t let something like that drop.”
“Friend is also an AH for acting like she needs to he worshipped her for sending this AH OP’s way.”-ABeerAndABook
“NTA.”
“You said you weren’t comfortable sharing that information yet and after you set that boundary he kept pushing.”
“That’s always a red flag.”
“Your friend may feel a way about it but you should always trust your own judgment about someone over a third parties.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA at all.”
“You were being smart and sensible based on prior experience.”
“No decent friend or potential partner should ever hold that against you.”
“Plus, I don’t think it should be normalized that such identifiable details should be shared before you’ve even had a chance to meet the person.”
“Ugh, personal safety and security comes first!!!”-Worldly-Tart-666
“NTA.”
“You set a boundary he disrespected it.”
“It’s as simple as that to me.”- BirdCatLizard
“NTA.”
“Dudes an AH and would 100% stalk you.”
“That’s why it bothered him cuz he knew if he was cut off he couldn’t stalk you.”
“Your friend is also a narcissist.”
“Lols.”
“She just wanna feel special.”
“Grateful?”
“Oooow she gave your number to a guy that asked her.”
“So much effort!”
“Is she gonna cure cancer or poverty tmr?”
“Lols.”
“I cut off narcissistic friends.”
“That’s just me.”- Pum_freetz
“NTA.”
“He’s just a dude who can’t take no for an answer.”- BakeExtreme888
“For sure you’re NTA.”
“You set boundaries that were reasonable and he kept ignoring them.”
“That’s not okay.”- Kongo204
“NTA.”
“He needs to learn to take no for an answer.”- ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA.”
“You said you weren’t comfortable sharing that info, and gave your reasoning for it.”
“He kept bringing it up even though it made you uncomfortable, and you rightfully stuck with your boundaries.”
“Your friend is being an A H for hounding you for this, as is the guy.”- composingmusic
“NTA.”
“You probably dodged a bullet with this guy.”
“What you went through previously seemed pretty scary for you, and I don’t think your friend completely understood what that felt like.”
“You may trust your friend, but that trust doesn’t transfer to mutual acquaintances that you have only known for a week.”- Serious-Currency108
“Lol.”
“You mean the setup she initiated?”
“NTA.”
“Your friend has poor judgment if the guy she set you up with can’t understand the word no.”-ghostofumich2005
“Yes, you definitely could have handled it better.”
“Her: ‘you were rude to my friend, you were ungrateful for me setting you up, and you embarrassed me’.”
“You: ‘you set me up with a stalker, of course I’m ungrateful to you, and you should be embarrassed. Don’t ever try and tell me who I can date and who I can’t’.”
“Something like that.”
“NTA.”-VlaxDrek
“NTA.”
“You don’t have to share any information you don’t want to with some online rando just because he/she asks.”
“Except for me.”
“You must tell me everything.”- 3DonizettiQueens
“NTA.”
“Do what makes you feel safe, he made you feel unsafe and unsafe people get blocked.”-Mundane_Marsupial_61
“NTA.”
“You did NOTHING wrong.”
“First and foremost know that.”
“Your friend is a massive AH.”
“She is ridiculous thinking you should be grateful and trust her judgment.”
“The guy clearly can’t take a hint and did not respect your boundaries.”-Voidg
“NTA.”
“You’re not obligated to be kind to people who can’t take ‘No’ for an answer.”- Jennabear82
“NTA.”
“No means no, no matter the situation.”
“You even have him multiple chances.”
“He’s the kind of guy who is the train you have that ruling in place.”
“Just because your friend was the wing person doesn’t mean much.”
“You don’t see everyone in every light and especially if they didn’t date him they (probably) wouldn’t know how he is in a relationship.”- Eragon-19
What might not seem like a “big deal” to some could be just that to others, and thus should always be respected.
And if this mystery date couldn’t respect the OP’s wishes when she made it clear that it made her uncomfortable not once, but three times, it’s hard to imagine that he possibly thought there could be any future.
Something the OP’s friend should have realized as well.
Here’s hoping the next man the OP dates will actually respect her wishes and boundaries.