Partnerships are all about utilizing each other’s skills.
Some people are better at DIY than cooking or cleaning. So, we should be celebrating our differences and taking advantage of the incredible talents our S.O. has instead of complaining about them.
Redditor metallicsheet encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for ‘showing off?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 32(F) am the only child of my parents. It became clear growing up that my dad wanted a boy but made the best with what he got.”
“He taught me how to do everything, like fixing stuff around the house, putting DIY furniture together (he’s big on that), woodworking, basically a lot of stuff that is traditionally expected of men to do, my dad taught me how.”
Those skills came in handy.
“My husband (33M) and I had our first child last year.”
“We got most of the baby furniture from IKEA, I ended up putting all of them together (I’m not saying this to complain, it was relaxing for me). I also put together any of our child’s toys or chairs or whatever else that needs to get done.”
Then, OP’s family visited.
“Due to the pandemic, my husband’s family hadn’t been able to visit.”
“My SIL and her husband recently got the vaccine (they work in health care) and decided to visit us for the first time.”
“SIL made a comment about how nice the nursery looked, and asked where we got the nursery furniture from. I told her we got them from Ikea and then she said it must have been a hassle for her brother/my husband to put together.”
“I told her that I put together the furniture myself and a lot of the DIY furniture in our house as well.”
“SIL laughed and said she’d need some help with hers.”
OP’s husband didn’t like that.
“I thought it ended there until they left.”
“My husband said I was showing off and trying to show that he’s incompetent.”
“I didn’t correct SIL with that intention, I guess I felt proud of my abilities. My husband is still sulking and keep on insisting that the comment didn’t need clarification.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Your husbands insecurity is showing.” ~ drizzlepop
“This is a problem that seems to crop up in hetero relationships.”
“Men and Women do not have specific tasks!! If I were the husband I would be very happy, as I am currently struggling with an Ikea shelf” ~ solinaa
“It really is. My ex-husband and his friend tried to put together my daughter’s crib. They both failed utterly at it. I waddled my seven month pregnant butt into the nursery and put it together.”
“He shares the story and laughs at how a crib bested him. To his mother and whole family. He’s never been ashamed that I was the more handy one of us. He kept all our electronics running smoothly.”
“NTA OP.” ~ SeigePhoenix
“This is the teensiest, tiniest, ittybittiest little brag you could make. No Man should be put off by this. If they are they’re gonna have some bug problems down the road.”
“I’m gay and male, and my ex husband and I both had different skills.”
“Building furniture? I took the lead because I was better at it. Anything related to budgeting and saving? Him, because he was much better at it than I.:
“It’s called a partnership people.”
“If you are threatened or hurt by your partner’s small successes… well that’s a problem. No matter the gender of my partner Id be happy to learn from them and let them shine when it’s clearly their time. So much easier that way.” ~ TheMostBrokenBoy
Some argued Ikea furniture is easy enough to put together.
“And since when is putting together Ikea furniture some badge of rugged manliness? A 12-year-old could do it.” ~ Greenwithivy123
“This makes me laugh, not because of OP’s husband but because I’m the exact same, I put a bookshelf together when I was 36 weeks pregnant, I find it really fun and relaxing and one of the reasons I can do it is because I FOLLOW the instructions.”
“My step dad recently put furniture together and stuffed it up and couldn’t understand why and my mum was like ‘maybe you should ask Allie for help,’ I was like ‘if he just read the instructions he could do it.'” ~ Professional_Cake_95
“NTA – if he is that concerned that you put all the furniture together why didn’t he help you with it?”
“If he wants to take credit he needs to do the work.”
“Also, I don’t see why he cares what family will think about him when it comes to you doing that. He shouldn’t let that bother him.” ~ civichbca91
Some people need more context.
“Agreed with this comment but I have to ask.”
INFO: Did the husband even try to help? I’m curious to know how this situation (and all DIYs in your house) went down because if it’s anything like my household, it’s usually:”
“Go to IKEA > Find Furniture we both like > Buy and Bring home > Boxes sit in general area of home for weeks.”
“We are not clamoring to complete DIY projects.”
“It sounds like OP genuinely likes these projects, which is amazing.”
“Would love someone like that in my home, but I’m curious to know how OP’s husband actually feels about DIY.”
“Is he embarrassed because he was too lazy to do it and opted not to help? Or jealous because he wanted to do it and was beaten to the finish line by OP?” ~ Broken_musicbox
“What were you supposed to do, laugh and say ‘yes.. it was absolutely a hassle for my hunky manly masculine man to put together.'”
Maybe you should have thrown in a ‘oh and he changed the lightbulb for me this morning too. My teeny tiny woman hands couldn’t manage it. Oh I don’t know what I’d do without my manly hunky husband.'”
“Your husband needs to work on his self esteem a bit if he’s honestly feeling emasculated by you taking credit for your DIY skills.” ~ singing_stream
You deserve to brag about every skill and achievement.