People have wildly different feelings as their birthday approaches.
Some always make a big deal out of it, and hope that each celebration is even better each year.
Other’s can let it come and go without giving it much, if any, thought.
Redditor Due_Combination_2175 fell into the latter variety, which is why she was somewhat surprised when her sister-in-law told her she was throwing a barbecue in honor of her birthday.
But when this celebration turned out not to be as advertised, the original poster (OP) was unable to hold back her annoyance, angering her husband and sister-in-law.
Wondering if her behavior was unjustified, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘ruining’ a fathers day celebration with my foul attitude?”
The OP first expressed her surprise that her sister-in-law felt compelled to throw her a birthday party, particularly as it wasn’t the kind of party she would ever have organized herself.
“I turned 30(f[emale]) last Saturday.”
“I haven’t done anything for my birthday in the past nearly 8 years.”
“I’m usually working.”
“Well, this year my sister-in-law (SIL) invited me over on my birthday and said she was going to have BBQ birthday party thing for me or what not.”
“It was not even remotely what I wanted to do on my birthday, but I felt like I couldn’t say no because she was hosting it and claimed it was for me, yadda yadda.”
But when the OP arrived at her SIL’s home, it quickly became clear that she had been invited over under false pretenses.
“Well, when my husband and I arrived, family members of his that not only have a I never met but he hadn’t seen in years were there.”
“A couple uncles and their wives, as well as other family members that I had met and get along with.”
“My husband was super excited to see all these people that he hadn’t seen in years and at first everything was great, despite me being really overwhelmed.”
“However, I did take in to notice that not one single person said Happy Birthday to me, including my SIL.”
“And she had a banner along her door that said ‘Happy Fathers Day’.”
‘By about an hour and a half in, and after my SIL begged me to help her host this massive f*cking BBQ and help her cook EVERYTHING, enough to feed 30 people, I was completely over it.”
“I sat in a lawn chair outside and started browsing my phone.”
“One of the uncles and my SIL sit down near me and he goes ‘thanks for having us for Fathers Day, this is nice’.”
“My SIL then turns to me and says ‘Sh*t, Happy Birthday’.”
“I just said thanks and kept scrolling my phone.”
“The uncle goes ‘Oh Happy birthday, you don’t look like you’re having much fun’.”
“So I said ‘I’m not. I was told this was a birthday party for me, not a fathers day celebration, and so far I’ve been hosting instead of enjoying anything when I could be out having a day for myself’.”
“He goes quiet and looks at my SIL before saying ‘you told us this was for fathers day?'”
“She turns beat red and says I shouldn’t be souring the mood over something trivial and that the family is never able to get together like this so she just ‘combined’ the two events.”
“So I get up and say ‘yeah well that would have worked if you had told people that you were combining events, not just celebrating fathers day because no one here is aware that I even exist’.”
“I then get in my car and leave.”
“My husband is pissed because he said that I didn’t have to make a big deal out of it because the relatives he hasn’t seen in years now think I’m a drama queen and he had to overly explain that I was just disappointed and it wasn’t a conversation that he should of had to have.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to be furious and was not at all the a**hole.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s SIL tricked her over, and doing so on her 30th birthday made the situation much worse.
“She lied and manipulated to get you to come and stay.”
“Then she put you to work.”
“You’re better than I am.”
“I’d have left immediately.”-TashiaNicole1
“Someone told you they were throwing you a birthday party.”
“Then you arrived and it was not a birthday party for you.”
“But shout out to that uncle for questioning your SIL.”
“What a terrible thing for her to do, trick you into coming over and helping on your birthday.”- wanderingpanda402
“You know what’s even worse?”
“Even though SIL deserved being told off, you just know she’s gonna make sure that image of you being ‘dramatic’ or whatever never blows over with your in-laws.”
“What a crappy thing she did with this weird bait and switch.”- Screamscaper
“She lied and got caught.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Also, I completely understand your husband being excited to see relatives he hasn’t seen in awhile, but he also needs to be compassionate that it was your birthday and you were lied to.”- Federal-Scallion-627
“I shouldn’t be souring the mood over something trivial”
“Well, gee willikers.”
“Father’s Day is every year, but your 30th birthday happens once in a lifetime.”
“Your SIL invited you there under false pretenses.”
“What she really wanted was an extra pair of hands for the scut work.”
“Sure, it worked out for your husband.”
“He got to meet family; but the effrontery of what his sister did should have him sticking up for you.”
“He shares major AH status with your SIL.”- ChinSpin_1986
“This reminds me of when I was pregnant and it was my birthday.”
“My then-boyfriend told me he had to work this party at the pub he was a chef at.”
“But he was sorry, I could come and it was a free bar!”
“Just what you want when you’re 7 months pregnant.”
“I drank about four sugary juices, while listening to his colleagues babble on as they got more and more drunk.”
“Then the pratt comes up and says ‘This is going well, I might even get paid for this!'”
“Bullshit, you said you had to work!!”
“I left then and there as well.”
“But yeah, anyone who pulls a bait and switch is TA, especially when it’s someone’s birthday.”-Bethlizardbreath
“They asked and you answered honestly.”
“Since she didn’t even tell you it was also for Father’s Day how could you have known that was her intent prior to showing up and seeing the banner.”
“A d*ck move since it is before fathers day and so you couldn’t have prepared any appropriate cards or anything for those you might have wanted to give them to.”
“Let alone setting you up to think it was a party for you.”
“You were set up for disappointment and then they are mad you were disappointed.”- ACorania
“The uncle asked you a question.”
“You answered honestly.”
“You were lied to and any rational person would have been angry.”
“If she didn’t want you to answer honestly then she shouldn’t have lied.”
“I also think your husband helped her in this lie.”
“Whether it was premeditated or he just went with the flow doesn’t matter.”
“He should have been the first one to say, ‘hey, this is my wife’s birthday’.”
“‘That’s what you invited us for!'”
“‘Why are you trying to hijack her day like this?'”- ExceptionallyExotic
“But your husband is one, what did he expect?”
“For you to be thrilled to do chores on your birthday?”
“When you could have celebrated it?”
“You didn’t ruined the fathers day, your SIL did it by lying to you to make you do chores instead of her.”
“You were expecting a celebration and birthday wishes but you husband is pissed because you were played?”
“Instead of defending you, he’s pissed?”
“I’m guessing that he knew what SIL was doing and joined in.”
“Otherwise no sane person would get angry at someone for being tricked.”-Historical-Ad4361
“If you husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal then do the same to him in his birthday.”
“Guarantee he won’t be as good a sport as you were about the whole thing.”- Secret_Double_9239
“My birthday is 2 days after Christmas so I’m use to it being ignored.”
“This past year we spent Christmas with my in laws in another state and while there we were going to celebrate my Mils 50th since it was right before Christmas.”
“I didn’t mention mine because we were talking about hers, they surprised me with balloons, two cakes, taco bar, steak, presents and more decorations than all my other birthdays combined.”
“I’m not an overly emotional person but felt so grateful I cried.”
“I have two mother in laws, they treat me no different than their daughter and I felt welcome day 1.”-Equivalent_Sector786
Many people feel vulnerable on their birthdays.
Something the OP’s sister-in-law should have considered before tricking her into coming over so she could help cook and host.
It’s also fairly surprising that the OP’s husband didn’t make a bigger point that it was her birthday at the party.
One can only hope that the OP’s 31st birthday will be better than her 30th.