You never know when you might trigger someone by doing your own thing. But, you can’t be responsible for everyone around you.
Especially if you have dietary restrictions, you can’t eat something just because you might trigger someone.
Redditor thekawaiipisces encountered this very issue with her boss’ daughter. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for triggering a girl’s eating disorder by ordering a salad?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am part-timing in an IT company that is very close knit. My boss Steven and his wife were always sweet.”
“It was my first month and it was my boss’s ‘birthday week’ so he and wife Melissa were kind enough to include me in this fancy dinner they were taking everyone to. A week prior to the dinner, Melissa added everyone to a group chat and asked whether we had any suggestions on where to eat.”
“I told her that I am fine with anything as long there are vegetarian options available or at least chicken.”
“They brought their daughter Stef (15) to the dinner and she is a sweet little girl. Now Stef was really interested in me and she kept on asking me questions about how I look the way I look. Now I am short(5ft) but can be somewhat deemed as ‘fit’ to today’s generation.”
OP answered all her questions.
“I was transparent with her and told her that I don’t restrict myself to certain foods but rather eat everything in moderation. Plus I have a plant-based diet and home cooked meals so that helps and I also lift weights.”
“Now Melissa overheard our conversation partially. She pulled me aside and told me that Stef was recovering from eating disorder so she encouraged me to be honest with her and not lie to her and not to order anything that screams ‘diet!'”
“When I saw the menu, there were little to no vegetarian options available.”
“It didn’t have anything for me. I was very disappointed and made a comment that ‘oh, wow there are no vegetarian options.'”
“Melissa chimed in and said that eating meat once in a while won’t affect my weight. Now, when I say plant-based diet it’s not that I don’t eat meat but I only eat chicken maybe once a week as a side dish and certain types of fish occasionally but other than that I mostly eat vegetarian dishes.”
“My food habits are not for my ‘weight’ but for my religion/culture. It has nothing to do with my weight.”
OP ordered whatever she wanted.
“When the waiter came in, I was still glued to my menu when all the others had already ordered.”
“Melissa said that ‘oh, she will have the duck too’ and I interrupted and said that ‘no, I will have the garden salad’ (I hate salads but there were no other veg options).”
“Melissa got quiet.”
“After a few mins she told me that I shouldn’t have lied and lead on her daughter if I was going to order a ‘skinny’ salad and starve myself.”
“She said that I am just like those IG influencers who lie to impressionable young girls about their food habits and bodies and I just proved that by ordering a salad after giving her daughter a ‘don’t restrict yourself’ speech and I probably triggered her eating disorder.”
“I tried to explain that I only ordered a salad cuz there was no other option in the menu for me but then she said that I should have just sucked up and eaten the damn duck as it isn’t going to affect my weight. But then again, I corrected that it is a religious thing and not a diet thing.”
“She said that if I eat chicken then obviously I would eat other animals too and I was just putting up an act.”
“It was horrible. She completely tore me down and I immediately left”
OP provided more context.
“My boss tried to calm her down but she got pissed off and started making personal attacks on me on how I am just trying to sleep my way through the job as I don’t look like an engineer. And also how I am obsessed with my looks and weight and is also affecting her child.”
“I am a Hindu and half-Brahmin in that (I didn’t want to mention this but people are curious so that’s the only reason) it is okay to eat chicken and fish here but eating any other animal is frowned upon and eating beef is considered a sin.”
“So it’s not that I stopped eating other meat, I have never eaten anything other than chicken and fish in the first place.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.