It’s always nice to go out to restaurants.
Be it a five star, gourmet experience, or merely a fast food window for a greasy burger and fries, there is always something satisfying about going out to eat.
Likely owing primarily to the fact that no one has to cook, and no one has to do dishes.
Even so, there are some people who never feel compelled to pay for food.
Often owing to the fact that they prefer all the things they cook themselves more than anything that can be found on a menu.
Redditor GirlFriendRestaurant was certainly of the latter variety, owing to the fact that he felt his girlfriend’s cooking was as good or better as that of a professional chef.
However, the original poster (OP) would learn that while he never felt compelled to go out to restaurants, his girlfriend felt otherwise.
Leading to a surprisingly gloomy anniversary.
Questioning his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that’s just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?”
The OP explained how he was surprised when it appeared to him that his girlfriend didn’t seem to appreciate the high regard he had for her skills in the kitchen.
“I’ve been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue.”
“She’s a self-proclaimed ‘foodie’, which I honestly think is just selling herself short.”
“She’s a food genius.”
“She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.”
“If you taste something and wonder, ‘what’s that super subtle flavor?’ she’ll tell you, ‘it’s anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of’.”
“When someone is cooking something and they go, ‘it’s missing something,’ she can tell you exactly what it needs.”
“It doesn’t stop there, she knew I had touched a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house that night because she could somehow smell it on me.”
“It’s either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.”
“That’s not it, either.”
“She heard about a lost family recipe and the next week, BAM, I’m eating my grandmother’s homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.”
“It’s gotten to the point where I don’t see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday.”
“Even the most exotic ingredients aren’t out of her reach, either, and, even though it’s not about cost, I’ve saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship.”
“The only places we really go for date night is ramen, she can’t figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it’s just a matter of time, and sushi.”
“Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, ‘I’m not learning how to make sushi because then I’ll never get a real date ever again’.”
“We ended up going out instead.”
“It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though.”
“She’s lightly mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden ‘because she likes the red sauce’ or other places because she likes the food, and now that I’m thinking about it, she’s gotten kinda gloomy because I’ve asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.”
“She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she’s tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it’s served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I’ve ever seen so I kinda think it’s just an excuse.”
“I just don’t think it’s worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that’s just as excellent.”
“So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?”
“It’s not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it’s been more of a saving than expected.”
“Also, yes, I wash the dishes.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that he was the a**hole for the way he treated his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP seemed to be completely ignoring his girlfriend’s feelings, and was taking advantage of her by not taking into account the amount of effort she put in to cook for him.
“Good lord, completely YTA.”
“Read the last line dude.”
“You said you have your own private chef.”
“Do you think your wife wants to cook every single night for you?”
“F*ck no.”
“She makes sacrifices of her time every time she cooks for you, which sounds like a lot, so why can’t you sacrifice some of your time to take her out and possibly show her thanks for the things she does for you?”
“Geez man, you’re being thick.”
“Maybe that’s why she got upset at the thought of never being taken out for dinner again.”
“And I feel like you should bring this up with her directly if it’s upsetting you.”
“Maybe tell her you love her cooking more than any restaurant food, and she’ll love the sentiment and want to cook more.”
“Or maybe she’ll say she needs a break from cooking sometimes.”
“Just talk to her.”- neegarplease
“YTA.”
“You don’t have a ‘private chef’.”
“You have a girlfriend.”
“Who I assume is doing all the work on the grocery shopping/meal planning/cooking front while you reap the benefits.”
“I seriously hope you are helping to clean up the kitchen after dinner at the very least.”
“I also hope since she’s doing all of that work you’ve picked up the slack in other areas of housework.”
“She wants a night off for date night.”
“That’s not unreasonable.”- impressivegrapefruit
“YTA to the point where I’m getting mad reading this, no offense.”
“Put yourself in her shoes.”
“You want to relax and spend time with your partner, little to no stress involved, but she insists that you spend what i imagine to be at least an hour or more of prep EVERY time you have a date, and I assume when you’re not having a ‘date’ too?”
“She’s not your personal chef, and I feel insulted on her behalf that you’re thinking of her like that.”
“She likes cooking, cool.”
“She doesn’t live to cook for you, she clearly has suggested going out multiple times and therefore has voiced her desires to not do home dates where she has to put in her time and labor.”
“YTA 100% sorry.”
“Actually, I’m not sorry, and I’m still mad three hours after seeing this.”
“You’re lucky she hasn’t broken up with you for being this selfish lmao.”- pleaseordercorn
“Yes, YTA.”
“She doesn’t want to be your private chef nor does she want to be treated like one by you.”
“I could be wrong here, but I doubt Olive Garden is really where she wants to go.”
“She likely just wants to go anywhere.”
“Take her favorite restaurant, if you’ve paid enough attention to know what that is.”-hatemakingnames1
“YTA.”
“And you’re also missing something really important.”
“She’s a foodie, and foodies love eating new food.”
“They like surprise and discovery.”
“I bet she’d love to go out and try new things with you.”
“Instead you’re treating her like a domestic servant.”
“Honestly I wonder how else you’re taking her for granted.”- not_really_an_elf
The OP later returned with an update, acknowledging that he was, indeed, at fault and sharing that he made an effort to smooth things over with his girlfriend, which did not go as he hoped it would.
“I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I’ve been an a**, and it’s really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend.”
“It’s honestly a surprise that she’s still my girlfriend after everything.”
“So her mom picked up the girls, and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant.”
“She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid.”
“After, we took a walk, and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.”
“She said no.”
“She did it kindly, but she still said no.”
“She said that it wasn’t a no forever, but she didn’t want to commit to a one-sided relationship and also said she doesn’t think that it’s fair that our relationship happens on ‘my schedule’ or ‘my terms’.”
“I’m pretty heartbroken.”
“I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit-down conversation.”
“So, Reddit, you were all right.”
“I’m the a**hole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right. It wasn’t over restaurants.”
The OP may have been so appreciative of his girlfriend’s cooking skills, that his judgment toward her feelings may have been clouded.
One can only hope that this experience has taught him to be mindful of the time and effort of others.
And it’s probably wise to celebrate someone by taking them out, not by asking them to cook for him.