Platonic relationships between sexually compatible people are possible.
But for some reason, when the friends are a heterosexual man and woman, many people insist the friendship must be based on sexual attraction and any romantic partners should be prepared for infidelity.
All this cultural stereotype nonsense leads to a lot of unnecessary jealousy and drama. A woman who’s been friends with a man since they were both in high school is dealing with the fallout of his fiancée’s distrust.
So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Grand_Sell1199 asked:
“AITA for not getting upset or convince the bride after I was uninvited to my friend’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“One of my good friends, Matthew (26, male) is getting married next month to Jennifer (26, female). I (25, female) have known Matthew since high school.”
“We’ve both connected when it came to video games, especially Minecraft. Matthew has had his fair share of girlfriends over the years, but when he met Jennifer 3 years ago, he said that he knew she was the one and they are madly in love with each other and I am so happy for them both.
“Last year, Matthew popped the question to Jennifer and she said yes. Jennifer’s demeanor towards me drastically changed after the engagement.”
“She was distant towards me, she wouldn’t look at me and she would hardly speak to me which was weird since Jennifer was always so sweet and nice towards me. I’d still talk to Matthew and meet with him and our group of friends, sometimes with Jennifer and she would still act cold and not speak to me much.”
“I kept my distance from Jennifer.”
“Three months ago, we all received a save the date invitation. Their wedding is going to take place at Matthew’s cabin 2 hours away and they were going to keep it small due to the size of the cabin, so we were only allowed to bring one guest.”
“That was when Jennifer acted extremely harsh and hostile towards me and said ‘bet you don’t have a plus one since you are so into my man’. I was taken aback.”
“I asked her what the f*ck she was talking about, and she smirked and said I knew and to not act stupid. I ignored her remark and told her my boyfriend was coming.”
“She looked surprised and left. I, of course, told Matthew about what Jennifer said to me, and he was not happy, so he made her apologize to me.”
“Then, last weekend, I was invited by Matthew’s sister to go dress shopping with her and Jennifer. I declined at first because I wanted to keep my distance from Jennifer, but Matthew’s sister assured me that she will deal with Jennifer and that our other friends will be there with us.”
“Jennifer already bought her wedding dress a while ago. When I went dress shopping with Matthew’s sister, she invited Jennifer as a way to resolve this animosity she had towards me.”
“So we go dress shopping, and I found a beautiful dress that I thought would be perfect, and I took a picture to send to my boyfriend since he planned on matching (like with a bow tie) with me. I tried the dress on, and it was a perfect fit, so I guess I got lucky.”
“Jennifer was angry, called me names such as a wh*re, a boyfriend stealing b*tch, and that I was officially uninvited to the wedding. She caused such a commotion the employee of the store asked us to leave.”
“So it was Matthew’s sister who wanted to buy a dress and I found a dress that I loved.”
“Then Jennifer went crazy.”
“We were all just looking at dresses and talking. When I found the blue dress I really liked and tried it on, Matthew’s sister complimented me and said I looked amazing in it. Jennifer overheard it and flipped the f*ck out, and that was when she started name-calling me.”
“The dress was blue! I talked to my boyfriend about what happened and he said that he will support me either way. So far both of us decided we will not go. Wedding will be on May 11th. We’ve decided to just go on vacation that weekend and my boyfriend is already looking for tickets.”
“We were all shocked. Matthew’s sister of course got angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but she screamed and said ‘over my dead body!’
“Some of my friends who went shopping with us told Jennifer to calm down and that it wasn’t like I picked out the same dress as her. They did comfort me and said they’ve never seen Jennifer like this.”
“I talked to my boyfriend about what happened and he said that he will support me either way. So far both of us decided we will not go. We’ve decided to just go on vacation that weekend and my boyfriend is already looking for tickets.”
“I told Jennifer I didn’t want to come to the wedding anyway, but I was going to because MY FRIEND was getting married. I told her if she didn’t want me at the wedding, fine.”
“I don’t give a f*ck since I won’t go to a wedding if the bride is going to be so rude to a guest.ľcome to the wedding. I told them I was happy to get uninvited and I’ll just spend the day with my boyfriend on the day of the wedding instead.”
“They’re all mad at me for not fighting hard enough.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I feel like I am the a**hole since it’s my good friend’s wedding that I’ll be missing out over an adversarial relationship with the bride.”
“I think I should be there for my friend, but I don’t want to feel disrespected or unwelcome because Jennifer hates me and I can’t understand why.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA this is wild. You’re the one being made uncomfortable after Jennifer started displaying this two-faced behavior (since she was nice before), and you’re somehow to blame?“
“And about ‘not fighting hard enough’; part of adulthood is learning which battles are worth fighting. Kudos to you for not wasting your time and energy on this one.” ~ ařuthor124
“I guarantee there’s a piece of information you (or we) are missing. She was fine with you until around the time of the engagement, then things went ssideways.”
“Somebody said something to her, and I suspect it was your friend. That he’s begging you to show up at the wedding when his fiancee is adamantly against it is really telling.”
“Whatever. Don’t go as she’ll make a huge scene. There’s no way that marriage will last. NTA.” ~ NGDGUnpunished
“NTA. Why are they angry at you for not ‘fighting hard enough’ instead of her for creating this situation in the first place‽‽” ~ Individual_Plan_5593
“NTA. There’s something fishy here. Unless she’s just batsh*t crazy, someone must have told her something, or she must have misinterpreted something.”
“Anyways, it’s her wedding. If she doesn’t want you there, it’s not your job to beg her. Your friend should be able to deal with his soon-to-be wife on his own.” ~ KTaeH
The OP provided an update.
“I met up with Matthew and brought my boyfriend along. Of course, he begged me to come to the wedding and he said he would beg Jennifer to let me attend.”
“I told him it’s best if I wasn’t there. I told Matthew that Jennifer has a problem with me. Period.”
“He said he doesn’t understand and he did ask her many times, but Jennifer would continue to say she was just ‘stressed’. I got angry and said that’s bullsh*t and he knows that.”
“My boyfriend also intervened and said to Matthew that he needs to wake up and realize Jennifer is crazy and he can’t keep defending her. Matthew said he loves her too much and doesn’t want to lose her.”
“My boyfriend and I got up and told Matthew to let us know when he has a backbone. In the meantime, it’s best we don’t talk.”
“I messaged all of our friends in the group to let them know I’m keeping a distance from Matthew because of Jennifer. He’s still my friend but at arm’s length.
“I will still be sending him a gift regardless, but I’m keeping my distance from Matthew.”
“It seems like he is in denial and can’t comprehend what’s going on at all. He usually is in denial, ever since high school he would have a sense of denial.”
“Another thing to mention is that Jennifer is nice to all of Matthew’s female friends. Just not with me.”
“I’ve also gotten a message from two of our friends saying they have dropped out of attending the wedding because of Jennifer and that they are on my side.”
It’s unfortunate that a wedding ended at least one friendship.
Maybe time and some space will help.