What is it with baby names that brings out so much conflict?
To be fair, I like my name. Aside from a few people calling me Amelia Earhart or Amelia Bedelia, no one really made fun of it.
And once I explained I was named after my Grandmother who was named after her Grandmother with the name going back to the 17th century—passed Grandmother to granddaughter each time—in our family, they never referred to me as either Earhart or Bedelia again.
Maybe I’d understand the fuss if my name had been more of an issue growing up.
But it seems for some people, critics come out of the woodwork to comment on their child’s name—family, friends, coworkers, random strangers… Sure, there are some creative names out there, but it’s none of my business what other people name their children.
A new mom facing condemnation over her son’s name turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Fast_Masterpiece_990 asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that when she has kids, she can name them whatever she wants?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I have a ‘friend’—I’ll call her Lindsay. I use the term friend very loosely at this point, as I no longer would truly consider her a friend.”
“We are both in our early thirties. I’ve known her for the better part of a decade, though over the last few years, we’ve become considerably less close.”
“When I was trying to get pregnant, Lindsay told me she couldn’t picture me as a mother and not everyone needs to be a parent—it’s okay if I didn’t want to be.”
“Lindsay is well aware that my husband and I struggled with infertility for a few years prior to getting pregnant. It was very, very difficult.”
“When I was pregnant, after years of trying, Lindsay texted me late one night—I think she was drunk/high—saying she’s done way more with kids than I have, she would be a way better mother than I, and I have options—she was implying adoption.”
“Lindsay has no children. She babysat/worked as a nanny almost a decade ago. I decided not to invite her to my baby shower based on those comments.”
“My son was born a few months ago. He was named after a family member who tragically passed.”
“His name is not super common, but it’s a very normal name—top 200 names in the US. Maybe top 300? It’s in a few children’s books.”
“A few weeks ago, I texted a photo of my child to a group chat Lindsay was in. My friend jokingly calls him a long name—like, let’s say his name is James, my friend calls him James and the Giant Peach.”
“His name isn’t James, but you get the point. Lindsay said ‘that’s awful’. I said ‘what is?’. She said, ‘Your child’s name is cringy af, and he’ll get made fun of as a kid and as a teenager’.”
“I snapped and said ‘when you have kids, you can do whatever you want with them and name them whatever you want. But you do not have kids. Let me do what I want with mine’. She never replied.”
“Lindsay reached out to me on the side and told me she recently found out she may never be able to have kids. She said my comment was cruel.”
“I said I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t make her comments about my child okay. She hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“AITA???”
“To be clear, my son was already born when she made the first comments about his name.”
The OP summed up their issue.
“I told my friend when she has kids, she can name them whatever she wants. She may never be able to have kids. She feels I rubbed that in her face.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—your friend Lindsay was being cruel and petty, and perhaps was jealous because she had been trying to get pregnant before and couldn’t, so she took her disappointment out on you.”
“Anyone saying the kind of things you said she was saying isn’t really a friend to begin with in my opinion.”
“And if kids haven’t changed since I was a kid it doesn’t matter what the kid’s name is. If they want to they’ll find a way to be cruel. My name is John and people still found ways.”
“I’d move on from her as a person in my life.” ~ OxnardJEM
“NTA. You weren’t being cruel because you didn’t know her medical information.”
“Her personal struggles don’t give her a free pass to make inappropriate comments or fantasize about taking your baby.”
“It would be one thing if she’d apologized and explained, asking for sensitivity and committing to not letting her envy control her mouth, but no, she didn’t.” ~ 1568314
“NTA. She’s being a crappy person and suddenly when it’s her feelings on the line, she’s above it all. Honestly, I doubt the legitimacy of her struggle and wonder if she’s just trying to manipulate your feelings.”
“After all her nonsense, I would have responded with ‘I couldn’t picture you as a mother and not everyone needs to be a parent’.”
“Is fertility a serious topic that shouldn’t be taken lightly? Absolutely.”
“As much as I don’t want kids, I know there are people who do just as much and I am heartbroken for my friends who also struggle with this. That being said, I would have put that under the category of ‘taste of her own medicine’.”
“You can’t have a history of being a vitriol sprinkler and then have the audacity to be indignant when you’re put in your place. I simply don’t think everyone has earned the right to sympathy.”
“You don’t owe this person any more energy than you’ve already given them.” ~ consolelog_a11y
“NTA. Lindsay needs to take care of herself by not engaging in discussions about babies if her feelings about that topic are so raw.”
“And since she knows you’ve struggled to have this child and very much want him, all of her ‘I would be better’ remarks are so far out of line that the line is a remote horizon.”
“They may be aspects of her mourning the possibility for her, if she’s even telling the truth about that.”
“Maybe start a new Lindsay-less group chat that you can use for your baby discussions since she won’t back away from it herself.”
“And that can make it easier for you to drop this ‘friend’. If she continues to not talk to you, that’s a win.” ~ calling_water
“NTA. You weren’t saying what you did to be cruel because she can’t have kids – you were reacting to her cruel comments to you about your kid.”
“As hard as it may be to find out you can’t have kids, that doesn’t excuse being rude or cruel to others.”
“If she is having issues with her prognosis, she needs to find a therapist like anyone else, not take it out on you.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA. She lacks respect. She needs to understand boundaries. Your decision to stand up for yourself and assert your right to make decisions about your child is completely okay.”
“Lindsay’s actions have been far from supportive.”
“You made it clear that only you have the right to make decisions about your child. She may be struggling with her own emotions, but that doesn’t justify her projecting her insecurities onto you.”
“You defended your decisions in the face of unwarranted criticism from her. You should not feel guilty for setting boundaries and standing up for yourself and anything about your child.” ~ PeytonAzure
“NTA, she was overstepping your boundaries and you bluntly—but not rudely—told her that it wasn’t okay.”
“Your specific wording would be cruel only if you knew about her medical information, but you were just basing everything off of the knowledge you had.”
“The point in your original comment still stands.” ~ WhettSocc
“Something can’t be cruel if you’re lacking the bit of info that makes it malicious. Bad timing, maybe, but not cruel.”
“Seems like this friend has been passive aggressively on your case for a long time. Can’t picture you as a mother? WTH‽‽”
“Your response was generous, all things given. I wouldn’t mourn the loss of her friendship, to be honest—it’s a blessing in disguise. NTA.” ~ Big-Imagination-7292
“NTA—she was being an a** to you because of her own sh*t which she hadn’t even told you about so how could you know.”
“She’s just trying to turn it around on you—manipulative behaviour. I’d steer clear, she’s just not mentally prepared to be around you or your child.” ~ Taz_mhot
“I’m a teacher (K-2 mostly) and over the years I’ve had Goldas and Fridas and Oswalds and Wilburs and many more and no kid has been bullied.”
“This generation is just like ‘Cool, that’s your name’. NTA.” ~ txcowgrrl
While the OP might have lost a friend, it sounds like the relationship had already run its course.
Time to move on and enjoy motherhood, OP.