Redditor slut4tteok lives at home with her parents and adult brother. She and her brother share a bathroom.
The Original Poster (OP) is fed up with one of her brother’s quirks — leaving the light off and door open to the bathroom while it’s in use.
She’s had multiple conversations with him about it but recently has just resorted to walking in when she assumes it’s empty, which oftentimes it is not.
This has caused quite a ruckus in the household, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for walking in on my brother in the bathroom?”
She went on to explain:
“I [Female age 18] live with my parents and my older brother Max [Male age 22]. Max and I share a bathroom, but he has an… interesting habit, shall we say.”
“He uses the bathroom with the lights off and the door open. At first it was only late at night, which he claimed was because he doesn’t want to ruin his sleep, which I guess I can understand.”
“But it’s grown beyond that, to the point where he just never turns the light on, and never closes the door.”
“I can’t stress enough- there is no way to ever tell whether the bathroom is occupied or not by sight alone unless you see Max walk into it.”
“I’ve asked him to please just turn the light on or close the door so I don’t risk walking in on him taking a dump. His response is that I should just knock before I go in.”
“I think it’s stupid of me to have to knock before walking into a bathroom whose lights are off and whose door is open.”
“I talked to my parents about it, and they agree but say they can’t force him to do anything.”
“I took to knocking at first, since I don’t want to see him on the toilet under any circumstances, but I talked to my boyfriend about it…”
“…and his take is that I’m just reinforcing his behavior by knocking before going in. And to be honest I agree with him.”
“So I’ve stopped knocking. In my mind, an open door and a darkened bathroom means ’empty’.”
“I’ve never walked in on him intentionally, mind you, but I stopped caring about whether he might be in there.”
“I’ve walked in on him a couple times, and he’s raised a big stink (ha ha) about it, but I’m holding my ground.”
“My parents have asked me to please just knock and not be petty, but I really feel justified here.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“Ya know what we get when we go to the bathroom and don’t close -and lock the door? Annnd cherry on top, the light isn’t even on in the bathroom. Well, sometimes we get a surprise visitor!”
“And he isn’t even turning on the exhaust fan (which you, OP, would hear from outside the bathroom, alerting you the bathroom is occupied).”
“Yea, no. Nobody in adjoining rooms wants to smell that.” – YouthNAsia63
“NTA”
“You are not being petty. Dark bathroom and an open door means it’s free and you can walk-in. If he’s got a problem, let him use the door to lock or the switch to turn on the light.”
“Weird habit, though.”
“If your brother is still stuck-up on not locking the door and not switching on the lights then you could suggest him to use some other sort of indicators…”
“…(to save yourself from the trauma of walking in on him). Something like a signboard to hang in front of the washroom when he goes in?” – _Just_Here_TimePass_
“NTA. You should lean into it. Just keep walking in on him.”
“Make a big deal out of it every time (‘oh, god the smell! my eyes are watering!’) and then, as you’re leaving, turn on the lights and shut door behind you.” – afwaltz
“‘my parents … agree but say they can’t force him to do anything'”
“The hell they can’t. He is living in their home. Even if he was paying rent, they have the right to insist that his bathroom routine is done with the door closed.”
“NTA” – Public-Ad-9827
“NTA.”
“He is being a whole jerk and, not to sound hyperbolic, It’s low-key sexual harrasment. Tell your parents to either have your back on this or you’re calling the cops.“ – TheGoodJeans
“NTA”
“I, living in a long distance relationship and thus living a good amount of my time alone, don’t bother with closing the bathroom door or sometimes after showering put on clothes….”
“But this is me. Living partly alone. I would never ever considered to take a sh*t in an unlit bathroom while still living at my parents!!!”
“Living together means to have boundaries and to respect also the boundaries of the people you live with.”
“In this scenario it seems like your brother dropped all his shame and respect to other persons boundaries.”
“If you’re not living in a ‘hippie-housholde’ while being in the nude was/is a common thing, I’ll say it is tome for:”
- “either your parents step up to establish some long overdue, common-sense rules in their house! Aka at least closing the door! Especially at night (I don’t want to experience with my sleep-addled brain while walking to the loo seeing another creature sitting on it…)”
- “or it’s time for your brother to move out. That way he can indulge in all the nakedness and taking a dump in the dark all he wants.”
“As said NTA. Your request for some decency sounds absolutely legit.” – DerNachtflieger
“NTA. I don’t understand why your parents are siding with your brother. This is odd, essentially antisocial, behavior, and they are asking you to indulge him.”
“He’s an adult. He can conform a little bit to generally accepted bathroom etiquette norms.”
“Stand your ground. Don’t enable his nonsense.” – jofrot
“NTA. If you really want to flip the script, you can always tell your parents that you’re starting to feel like this is intentionally directed towards you…”
“…and that you’re starting to feel unsafe using the bathroom. This is odd, unusual behavior.”
“Pooping with the door open in a place that you share unless it’s with just your significant other (not that I’m really pro that anyway) is generally frowned on.”
“Doing it with the lights off feels like a trap. ‘I feel like he’s setting me up to walk in on him in a compromising position and then tries to make it my fault.'”
“‘I’m really uncomfortable with this. This needs to stop, and you guys really need to not enforce and enable this behavior.'” – WikkidWitchly
“NTA”
“And wtf. Who does that? Why is that being accepted as normal?”
“I must hear more about your family’s habits.”
“edit: Maybe he’s a vampire.” – Illustrious_Tax_2191
“NTA.”
“If your parents want someone’s behavior to change, why not the supposedly full-grown adult who can’t bother to close a bathroom door before he pulls his pants down?” – Own_Lack_4526
“Obviously make sure it’s safe for human eyes at close range but you get the idea.” – Reshi_bo_beshi
“Perhaps he just doesn’t want to share a bathroom with anyone so he’s going to make you miserable until you stop using that bathroom.”
“Put a nightlight in the bathroom so you can see better in the dark. Get one that lights up automatically when it’s dark.”
“Get a really bright one of you want to be a little obnoxious about it. I say keep doing what you’re doing. He is absolutely being lazy, childish and inconsiderate.”
“You also need to start working on your exit plan. NTA” – LeekaSassyPants
“NTA Do your parents usually take his side in disputes? Cos honestly, he needs to shut the door.”
“You should knock because walking in on your brother deliberately is also weird and inappropriate but you’re not wrong that he’s the one causing the issue.”
“Personally, I would use my parent’s bathroom until it is resolved.”
“Not wanting to see your brother with his pants down is legit, and reinforce that with your parents – make sure they know that you think it’s a kink and are deeply uncomfortable.” – Ivetafox
Ew.
What do you think about this brother’s unusual bathroom habit, and how would you resolve the situation? Let us know in the comment below.