It’s hardly breaking news that Anglo people have all sorts of trouble accepting the norms and traditions of different cultures.
We’ve witness that throughout hundreds of years of history.
And those difficulties, of course, also plague the experience of individuals in contemporary times.
Few places bring it all out more than a marriage between two people of different backgrounds, as a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted his account, got specific in the post’s title.
“AITA for throwing my mother-in-law out of the house when she asked me to convert?”
OP began with some background info.
“My fiancé [25-year-old male] and me [27-year-old male] have been together for the past six years. He is a Catholic while I am a devout Hindu.”
“On account of our sexual orientation, as well as our religion, we have not exactly been on the best of terms with our families – especially my mother-in-law, a 75 year old woman who is extremely orthodox in her ways.”
Recently, some new logistics led to new interpersonal dynamics.
“Over four months ago, my MIL came to live with me and my fiancé, as her health was extremely poor, and we were pretty much the closest family members in terms of blood.”
“Suffice to say, the last four months have been a constant series of vague jabs at me regarding my religion and my nationality, which have led to me having to break up literal wars between my fiancé and my MIL.”
“There have been many nights where my fiancé has cried in my arms and asked me if this marriage was the right way to go. Every single time, we got through the night hoping for a better day tomorrow.”
But OP was struck when an unexpected thing occurred.
“Two days ago, when my fiancé was at a friend’s house, my MIL nonchalantly walks up to me while I was cooking and seemed to be interested in what I was doing.”
“I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that we were having what I thought was a moment.”
“It practically made my day, as that day, I was caught up in the middle of a very nasty war between two of my co-workers, and I wasn’t doing so well mood-wise.”
The things took a turn.
“After about 15 minutes of making conversation, my MIL opens up about how she found it hard to accept our sexual orientation, but when she saw that I was a good man, and made her son happy, it was a little easy for her.”
“However, she very precariously punctuated her sentence by saying that it was sad that religion was the only barrier between us, and that if I would just convert, we could have the perfect little family, which would be somewhat acceptable in the eyes of society.”
OP was flabergasted.
“This, and practically everything else that happened during the day and the last few months, flashed before my eyes.”
“I was boiling (literally, cause I ended up slightly burning my hand, which I didn’t even realize at that time lol) and sarcastically told her that if my religion was such a problem to her, it wouldn’t bode well for her to ‘sully’ herself by being near me.”
“I also brought up the fact that she was a horrible mother, because I had never seen her son cry as much as I did in the last few months, all because of her and her backward, narrow thinking.”
“We had a blowout which led to me packing her bags and showing her the door.”
OP knew exactly who to tell.
“I immediately called up my fiancé and told him what happened. While he was hurt by MIL’s comments and told me that I wasn’t exactly wrong in showing her the door, he was a little concerned about her being alone on account of her age and her physical condition.”
“I drove out to find her and found her freezing near a gas station. It was an extremely silent car ride home.”
“I left home, telling my fiancé that I am currently rethinking my marriage, because I do not want the toxicity that comes with our families.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors assured OP he hadn’t been the a**hole. To them, it was clear who was.
“NTA…You have a right to comfort and peace in your own home. MIL’s age does not absolve her of responsibility in how she behaves. If your fiance is crying almost every night, you need to find a solution before one of you has to walk away.” — RoyallyOakie
“NTA. She needs to leave. No need to upset your fiancé by abandoning her again though. Contact one of her other family members and say she is moving out on such and such a date.”
“Either they come to collect her or if they state they don’t want to look after her, start looking into putting her into an old people’s home, so she can get the care she needs. If all else fails, take her to a hotel. Make it clear to everyone that it is due to her behaviour that she is no longer welcome.” — Imaginary-Hornet-397
“NTA. She needs to get her sh** together and stop making your fiancé cry every night, or you need to go, as horrible as it is, because if he can’t stand up for himself you can’t do it for him.”
“She sounds like a horrible person and I can’t help but think some of it is the extreme age gap between her and her son. I understand she’s ill and elderly, but that’s no excuse for constantly verbally abusing her son and making him cry.” — AlleyKatArt
Others fully understood OP’s reluctance about the state of things.
“NTA, this woman is awful. She makes you both miserable.”
“I don’t understand the whole ‘they’re family, we have to look after them’. F that noise, you’re choosing your family in your partner, she is a biological nightmare.”
“You guys need to sit down and look at a better living arrangement for her, if she can’t take care of herself then she needs to go somewhere that can help with that.”
“She might be his mother, but you are his future (hopefully!) . She needs to be thrown into the trash, because she’s clearly garbage.” — countingpickles
“NTA — But, you’re right to rethink this marriage. Do you really want to spend the rest of this woman’s life tiptoeing around her bigotry?” — icebluefrost
However things shake out, we hope OP is able to choose the route that gives him the most peace of mind.