Anyone who has been in a relationship that went sour at the end can vouch for the hold that a partner can have over us.
Even when a romantic partner hurts us or cheats on us, they seem to get a strange thrill over the idea of us continuing to think about them or miss them, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Both_Raspberry2916 had recently gone through a rough breakup, which his cheating girlfriend claimed was his fault, and he had reached the point where he was ready to move on.
But when his ex-girlfriend and some of her friends accused him of being selfish and absent-minded for donating a watch she wanted him to keep wearing, the Original Poster (OP) wondered why continuing to wear a watch from his ex would be so important to her.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for selling the gift my ex-girlfriend bought for me?"
The OP recently went through a terrible breakup.
"This is my (19 Male) first relationship ever, so I'm not sure if what I did is, you know, acceptable."
"At first, she (19 Female) and I had a very good relationship. She was the perfect girlfriend. But then she cheated on me."
"She had sex with someone else and said it was my fault since my penis was too small for her. One of our mutual friends also said to me, 'I warned you not to date someone way out of your league.'"
"I ended up blocking both of them but not our other mutual friend, 'Amy,' who supported me through the breakup."
The OP's first interaction with his ex was uncomfortable, to say the least.
"Yesterday was Amy's birthday. I went to her place where I saw my ex."
"My ex asked me why I wasn't wearing the watch she bought for me on my last birthday."
"I told her I sold it and donated the money to an animal shelter."
"They all stared at me. My ex then said I should have returned it to her."
The OP was conflicted.
"When I talked to another friend about it after, she said she understood why I did what I did but that the right thing to do would have been to return all gifts at the end of the relationship."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued that gifts should be given unconditionally, with no expectations to return.
"NTA."
"As soon as I gift something to someone, it is their property do to with what they want with and as they see fit. I have the right to be p**sed, angry, sad, or frustrated when they 'mistreat' my gift, but I have no say in this matter as it became THEIR property. It's not mine anymore."
"As for returning gifts at the end of a relationship, well, how about you, OP's ex, start this exchange yourself? Box up all OP's gifts to you, give them back, and then ask for your gifts back? A tacky move, in my opinion, but you do you."
"Or are you just salty that the 'thoughtful' gift isn't there anymore so OP will not automatically think of you every time he looks at or sees the watch? That op got rid of you? Showed you that you are not a part of his life anymore, and are just in the past? That he put YOUR cheating behind him?"
"OP, in my honest opinion, selling the watch and donating the money is a class A boss move I myself fully approve."
"Well done, OP, well done indeed." - Tessa_Kamodo
"Gifts never belong to the giver, that's nuts!"
"Let me get this straight... your ex and her friends think it would be better to return gifts at the end of a relationship, basically implying (or, worse still, saying to their face) that you can't even look at the stuff they gave to you because you don't want to think of them. Isn't that a hurtful move, even if it is true?"
"It's also super tacky of them. NTA." - EmShryke
"The ex said, 'The right thing to do would be to return all the gifts at the end of the relationship.'"
"I've never heard this one before. Did she return all your gifts?"
"I would only return a gift at the end of a relationship if it was a particularly sentimental item for them (like a family heirloom) or an engagement ring."
"A gift is a gift, you can't start trying to dictate what the person you gifted to does with it once you have given it to them." - patellanutella73
"NTA. No, you didn't have to return it to her. It was a gift to you and after the breakup, that she caused by the way, and you can do whatever you like with now. You own the watch and not her."
"The entitled is strong with this one considering she cheated on you and wants a gift back. Double no." - Mustng1966
"NTA. Most people throw things from their ex in the bin, or if it's their ex's clothes and they wore like it was their own anyway, they may still wear it."
"A gift is a gift so it's up to you what you do with it. I don't think you did anything wrong and you even donated the money. To a good cause. Definitely NTA." - Vempifa
"NTA. Classic early relationship stuff. Gifts are optional to return; if you want to, go ahead, if not, you're not obligated."
"I don't understand why it would be ok for you to still have it but not that you've sold it as in both cases, she doesn't have it. Did she want to tag you, to mark her territory with a watch? Weird."
"I hope you're moving on and she's not bothering you. Tell your friend that gifts are not loans, there isn't a moral obligation to return them." - ChrisHarpham
"NTA. A gift is a gift. You don't give something to someone and expect it to be returned after a relationship turns sour. You're also not obligated to be considerate of someone who you have a messy breakup with so all in all no one has a say except you." - lalullama
Others agreed and felt this was one more way the ex was trying to cause the OP pain.
"Everything she did was to cause him pain. Maybe his physiology didn't jive with her sexual preferences, but that is no reason to cheat."
"She could have respectfully ended the relationship before that, but she chose not to. She cheated on him to hurt him."
"She told him it was his fault to hurt him. She blamed it on the size of his penis, something that he is incapable of changing and that she knows many men have insecurities about, to hurt him."
"And then, to top it all off, she expects him to wear a reminder of her every day so that her memory can continue to hurt him. She is a vile human being."
"Meanwhile, OP is out here donating to animal shelters. Don't get it wrong, OP. She might be physically attractive, but she's not out of your league. You are out of hers." - nervelli
"NTA. Your ex is still trying to f**k with your mind."
"Tell her to look up the definition of a gift, and to f**k off from there." - No-Car803
"The penis comment, she may have been trying to hurt or embarrass him after she got caught being a bad girlfriend. It may not be the truth, or she gaslighted him into thinking it's the truth."
"But now she wants him to wear a watch to remember her by? No. Just no." - SpiritualAd5028
"NTA. She cheated. She isn't entitled to an opinion about your choices. And that reason she cited, it's absolute bulls**t."
"She could have simply ended things and then found someone else, so I wouldn't believe her about anything she mentioned. She clearly wanted to hurt you, and that was a cheap shot."
"The watch is just more of the same. Don't spend another second thinking about it." - FlatConclusion8847
"NTA. Your choice to return it to her, if you wished to, but also entirely your choice to sell it, and fair play of you to donate the money."
"Also, it's not 'your fault' that the size of your manhood isn't what she wants and she cheated. She would have cheated even if it hung past your knees. Good riddance, mate." - OcculticD
"She said that to make him feel bad so she wouldn't have to feel bad about herself. Putting OP down to build herself up."
"Even if it were true, which I doubt, no evolved human being would say that to another human being. Jeez."
"OP, you dodged a bullet with this one. Be grateful you're out of that relationship and free to move on."
"That watch was yours to do with what you wanted. Her asking about it was another low-class move on her part."
"Best of luck, from an older, wiser lady in Virginia." - TGIIR
"NTA. Once you are given a gift, it's yours to do with as you want. If the ex cared to have it back, she could have asked for it back, but you'd still be under no real or moral obligation to say yes."
"Cheaters forfeit the consideration of who they betrayed. But she didn't actually hope to get it back; she expected you to still be wearing it. So her reaction is dishonest."
"Also, don't accept criticism from anyone you wouldn't ask advice from. Clearly, both she and the male former friend have skewed views of what is 'right.'"
"Her body-shaming you and saying her cheating is your fault reveals a s**t-poor, toxic character, and is no different than guys who blame a girl's weight/breast size/etc. for their bad behavior." - IndependentBoost5479
Not only did the subReddit not think that the OP's ex-girlfriend deserved the watch back, but they also hoped that the OP stopped letting his ex pull her mind tricks on him. From cheating, to her reasons for cheating, to expecting him to continue wearing a watch that would remind him of her, she clearly was interested in hurting him.
By donating to the animal shelter, the OP had done a good thing.
He didn't need to give the watch, or his ex, another thought.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.