Anyone who has been in a relationship that went sour at the end can vouch for the hold that a partner can have over us.
Even when a romantic partner hurts us or cheats on us, they seem to get a strange thrill over the idea of us continuing to think about them or miss them, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Both_Raspberry2916 had recently gone through a rough breakup, which his cheating girlfriend claimed was his fault, and he had reached the point where he was ready to move on.
But when his ex-girlfriend and some of her friends accused him of being selfish and absent-minded for donating a watch she wanted him to keep wearing, the Original Poster (OP) wondered why continuing to wear a watch from his ex would be so important to her.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for selling the gift my ex-girlfriend bought for me?”
The OP recently went through a terrible breakup.
“This is my (19 Male) first relationship ever, so I’m not sure if what I did is, you know, acceptable.”
“At first, she (19 Female) and I had a very good relationship. She was the perfect girlfriend. But then she cheated on me.”
“She had sex with someone else and said it was my fault since my penis was too small for her. One of our mutual friends also said to me, ’I warned you not to date someone way out of your league.’”
“I ended up blocking both of them but not our other mutual friend, ‘Amy,’ who supported me through the breakup.”
The OP’s first interaction with his ex was uncomfortable, to say the least.
“Yesterday was Amy’s birthday. I went to her place where I saw my ex.”
“My ex asked me why I wasn’t wearing the watch she bought for me on my last birthday.”
“I told her I sold it and donated the money to an animal shelter.”
“They all stared at me. My ex then said I should have returned it to her.”
The OP was conflicted.
“When I talked to another friend about it after, she said she understood why I did what I did but that the right thing to do would have been to return all gifts at the end of the relationship.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued that gifts should be given unconditionally, with no expectations to return.
“NTA.”
“As soon as I gift something to someone, it is their property do to with what they want with and as they see fit. I have the right to be p**sed, angry, sad, or frustrated when they ‘mistreat’ my gift, but I have no say in this matter as it became THEIR property. It’s not mine anymore.”
“As for returning gifts at the end of a relationship, well, how about you, OP’s ex, start this exchange yourself? Box up all OP’s gifts to you, give them back, and then ask for your gifts back? A tacky move, in my opinion, but you do you.”
“Or are you just salty that the ‘thoughtful’ gift isn’t there anymore so OP will not automatically think of you every time he looks at or sees the watch? That op got rid of you? Showed you that you are not a part of his life anymore, and are just in the past? That he put YOUR cheating behind him?”
“OP, in my honest opinion, selling the watch and donating the money is a class A boss move I myself fully approve.”
“Well done, OP, well done indeed.” – Tessa_Kamodo
“Gifts never belong to the giver, that’s nuts!”
“Let me get this straight… your ex and her friends think it would be better to return gifts at the end of a relationship, basically implying (or, worse still, saying to their face) that you can’t even look at the stuff they gave to you because you don’t want to think of them. Isn’t that a hurtful move, even if it is true?”
“It’s also super tacky of them. NTA.” – EmShryke
“The ex said, ‘The right thing to do would be to return all the gifts at the end of the relationship.'”
“I’ve never heard this one before. Did she return all your gifts?”
“I would only return a gift at the end of a relationship if it was a particularly sentimental item for them (like a family heirloom) or an engagement ring.”
“A gift is a gift, you can’t start trying to dictate what the person you gifted to does with it once you have given it to them.” – patellanutella73
“NTA. No, you didn’t have to return it to her. It was a gift to you and after the breakup, that she caused by the way, and you can do whatever you like with now. You own the watch and not her.”
“The entitled is strong with this one considering she cheated on you and wants a gift back. Double no.” – Mustng1966
“NTA. Most people throw things from their ex in the bin, or if it’s their ex’s clothes and they wore like it was their own anyway, they may still wear it.”
“A gift is a gift so it’s up to you what you do with it. I don’t think you did anything wrong and you even donated the money. To a good cause. Definitely NTA.” – Vempifa
“NTA. Classic early relationship stuff. Gifts are optional to return; if you want to, go ahead, if not, you’re not obligated.”
“I don’t understand why it would be ok for you to still have it but not that you’ve sold it as in both cases, she doesn’t have it. Did she want to tag you, to mark her territory with a watch? Weird.”
“I hope you’re moving on and she’s not bothering you. Tell your friend that gifts are not loans, there isn’t a moral obligation to return them.” – ChrisHarpham
“NTA. A gift is a gift. You don’t give something to someone and expect it to be returned after a relationship turns sour. You’re also not obligated to be considerate of someone who you have a messy breakup with so all in all no one has a say except you.” – lalullama
Others agreed and felt this was one more way the ex was trying to cause the OP pain.
“Everything she did was to cause him pain. Maybe his physiology didn’t jive with her sexual preferences, but that is no reason to cheat.”
“She could have respectfully ended the relationship before that, but she chose not to. She cheated on him to hurt him.”
“She told him it was his fault to hurt him. She blamed it on the size of his penis, something that he is incapable of changing and that she knows many men have insecurities about, to hurt him.”
“And then, to top it all off, she expects him to wear a reminder of her every day so that her memory can continue to hurt him. She is a vile human being.”
“Meanwhile, OP is out here donating to animal shelters. Don’t get it wrong, OP. She might be physically attractive, but she’s not out of your league. You are out of hers.” – nervelli
“NTA. Your ex is still trying to f**k with your mind.”
“Tell her to look up the definition of a gift, and to f**k off from there.” – No-Car803
“The penis comment, she may have been trying to hurt or embarrass him after she got caught being a bad girlfriend. It may not be the truth, or she gaslighted him into thinking it’s the truth.”
“But now she wants him to wear a watch to remember her by? No. Just no.” – SpiritualAd5028
“NTA. She cheated. She isn’t entitled to an opinion about your choices. And that reason she cited, it’s absolute bulls**t.”
“She could have simply ended things and then found someone else, so I wouldn’t believe her about anything she mentioned. She clearly wanted to hurt you, and that was a cheap shot.”
“The watch is just more of the same. Don’t spend another second thinking about it.” – FlatConclusion8847
“NTA. Your choice to return it to her, if you wished to, but also entirely your choice to sell it, and fair play of you to donate the money.”
“Also, it’s not ‘your fault’ that the size of your manhood isn’t what she wants and she cheated. She would have cheated even if it hung past your knees. Good riddance, mate.” – OcculticD
“She said that to make him feel bad so she wouldn’t have to feel bad about herself. Putting OP down to build herself up.”
“Even if it were true, which I doubt, no evolved human being would say that to another human being. Jeez.”
“OP, you dodged a bullet with this one. Be grateful you’re out of that relationship and free to move on.”
“That watch was yours to do with what you wanted. Her asking about it was another low-class move on her part.”
“Best of luck, from an older, wiser lady in Virginia.” – TGIIR
“NTA. Once you are given a gift, it’s yours to do with as you want. If the ex cared to have it back, she could have asked for it back, but you’d still be under no real or moral obligation to say yes.”
“Cheaters forfeit the consideration of who they betrayed. But she didn’t actually hope to get it back; she expected you to still be wearing it. So her reaction is dishonest.”
“Also, don’t accept criticism from anyone you wouldn’t ask advice from. Clearly, both she and the male former friend have skewed views of what is ‘right.'”
“Her body-shaming you and saying her cheating is your fault reveals a s**t-poor, toxic character, and is no different than guys who blame a girl’s weight/breast size/etc. for their bad behavior.” – IndependentBoost5479
Not only did the subReddit not think that the OP’s ex-girlfriend deserved the watch back, but they also hoped that the OP stopped letting his ex pull her mind tricks on him. From cheating, to her reasons for cheating, to expecting him to continue wearing a watch that would remind him of her, she clearly was interested in hurting him.
By donating to the animal shelter, the OP had done a good thing.
He didn’t need to give the watch, or his ex, another thought.