Future brides and grooms alike choose all kinds of ways to commemorate their “last fling before the ring.”
From casino trips to camping under the stars, spa days to pub crawls, strip clubs and fancy dinners, the options to celebrate upcoming nuptials are seemingly endless.
That doesn’t mean, however, that there are no boundaries or limits.
An exotic dancer on Reddit is not willing to strip for her longtime boyfriend’s brother for his bachelor party, and it’s causing a bit of friction, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Express-Champion-822 asked:
“AITA for refusing to dance at the Stag Night for my Boyfriends brother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25/F[emale]) am a stripper and it’s a job I am not ashamed of and enjoy a lot, plus it makes great money.”
“My Boyfriend (27/M[ale]) of four years asked me tonight if I’d dance for his brother’s Stag Night this Saturday. It’s what a Batchelor Party is called in my country, and the female version is called a Hen Night.”
“The dancer they originally had booked that I helped arrange had to cancel as she broke her ankle during a performance.”
“I’ve tried to find them another Dancer calling in favors from my friends in the industry, but weekends are always busy, and it’s too short notice, so everyone is booked solid.”
“I offered to get them into the club I work for and would even be able to arrange for VIP treatment of the party but this offer was rejected as the club is too far away from other activities they have planned for the evening.”
“In the end my Boyfriend suggested I dance, he has no problem with my job and didn’t feel like me dancing for the group would be a problem.”
But OP was not comfortable with this suggestion.
“Now, if it were my boyfriend’s friends, I’d be open to it after we discussed it to make sure we were both fully okay with this, but the fact that it’s for his brother raises concerns for me and feels just too awkward.”
“My Boyfriend refuses to see the issue stating we’re all adults and his brother was looking forward to there being a stripper at the party, but it’s just weird to think if we work out then for the rest of my life i’ll have to know his brother saw me dance and at every family event I attend it’ll just be on my mind.”
“I’ve told my Boyfriend it isn’t happening, and the best I can offer is the club, and if they need a stripper that badly, then they’ll take it.”
“He thinks I’m being ridiculous and that someone in my job shouldn’t be bothered by this, and if they can be mature about it, so should I.”
“Was my kneejerk reaction to refuse too harsh?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“I think the question we need to ask here is, ‘why does he WANT you to dance for his brother so badly that he is giving you sh*t about being uncomfortable with it?'”
“Because it’s one thing to be secure enough that it wouldn’t bother him if you did dance for his friends and family.”
“But it’s a whole other thing to expect it of you and to claim you’re the one with the problem if you aren’t comfortable with it.”
“NTA. If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s the end of it.” – Fluffy_Sheepy
“NTA – It’s his brother. You’re going to see him at family functions, so you are right to be concerned.”
“Just as importantly, I cannot image how OP’s brother’s wife-to-be will feel if you were the stripper at his party, especially if you’re going to be at the wedding and see her at future family functions.”
“Part of the point of hiring a stripper for Bachelor/Stag Parties is that the dancer is a stranger who you are probably not going to encounter again; it’s why most people can live with that tradition.”
“I don’t exactly blame him for asking since he was trying to salvage a situation but it feels like the right answer after you said no was: Yeah, you’re right, I should have thought of that.” – okIhaveANopinionHERE
“NTA. As a stripper you are a professional and don’t sexualise the people you perform for, the inverse is not true.”
“And that is as you said, your boyfriend’s brother.” – ImpossibleRing9478
“I’ve already voted in your favor in response to someone else, so just want to say directly to you that bf doesn’t seem to have much respect for your profession or much care for you.”
“He also doesn’t respect a woman’s right to say no, apparently.”
“What kind of man tells his gf to get naked in front of a group of men after she has stated clearly that she doesn’t want to get naked in front of those men?”
“What kind of man puts a bunch of other men’s wishes for entertainment on one specific night that they can get in a club anytime above the comfort of his partner?”
“What kind of men can’t have a good party without a stripper?”
“Are those people you want in your life? “
“Honey, find yourself a bf who respects you and cares about how you feel and has kindness for you. This one is not worthy of you.”
“NTA!” – cadaloz1
“I mean, if doctors can’t treat family members, I think it makes sense that strippers can’t strip for family members.”
“NTA” – CheerilyTerrified
“NTA. Had a friend in the reserves who was a stripper.”
“No one in the regiment ever went to the club she worked at.”
“Family doesn’t ogle family.” – MarmosetRevolution
“NTA. It’s a reasonable boundary, and your boyfriend is not in the position to tell you what someone in your job should or shouldn’t be bothered by.”
“He is just trying to manipulate you into it, which is not cool.”
“Does the brother even know your bf is trying to get you to be the stripper at the party?”
“because if he doesn’t, he might be just as uncomfortable with it” – Stranger0nReddit
“NTA There are so many things happening here!”
“You may want to reconsider your relationship with bf.”
“Apparently you are the ‘stripper’ before you are the ‘girlfriend.'”
“Tell him you’re going to do it, then hire a large man to strip for him.”
“I think that will set him straight…. or not!” – Elizaknowitall
“NTA- you have a right to say what you feel comfortable doing.”
“He should respect that, and getting upset because you have boundaries is a d*ck move.” – MistressKinx
“NTA. This is so weird.”
“Stripping for his brother’s bachelor party, as we call it here.”
“That’s awkward, and he should be okay with you not being comfortable and drop it.” – Chemical-Froyo-6286
“NTA, that’s weird.”
“If y’all get married (pls no), they will be your family.”
“Your boyfriend should respect you” – TheLittleRatty
“NTA. You are right to reject this gig.”
“You also maybe should do some digging.”
“The way your STBX is pushing so hard gives me the sense that he may have promised his brother more than a dance.”
“To me, this is a relationship breaker.”
“He is showing how little respect he has for you.” – UpDoc69
“NTA. You’re an adult who has certain boundaries.”
“If your boyfriend cannot understand that, then that’s a him problem.” – Hungry-Book
“NTA, It already feels weird.”
“It’ll just get weirder” – joe-lefty500
“NTA. Your boyfriend is treating you like an object or a resource instead of a person.”
“He is refusing to take your ‘no’ as an answer and trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t consent to.”
“How long have you been together? What other things/concerns of yours does he dismiss or minimize?”
“Can you imagine how the SIL and MIL would react if they knew you were stripping for your brother and his friends? Can you imagine?!”
“Does the brother even know he asked you?”
“Your bf has very poor judgment, and it doesn’t sound like he values you very much.”
“I would be reconsidering this relationship.”
“I question how invested he is in your relationship.” – Evening-Anteater-422
“You’re NTA. You don’t need to give any reasons.”
“You have the right to refuse service to anyone.” – Dittoheadforever
“You’re allowed to refuse service for any reason. If it makes sh*t weird for you, then you have every right to refuse.”
“I hope the situation is legit and as you tell it, because I was honestly expecting a weird ‘My brother wants you’ scenario.”
“NTA.” – mrmidas2k
“Your bf insisting that you dance for his brother as a stripper actually means he doesn’t respect you.”
“He is ‘sharing the goods.'”
“I honestly believe you are setting yourself up for misery being with a guy who wants you to share you with his brother, who you will see at family events.”
“Where, if you marry, this will be told to everyone’s kids as long as you both shall live.”
“Don’t do it and dump him. NTA” – IllTemperedOldWoman
It definitely seems like OP has a lot to consider… and not just about dancing for her boyfriend’s brother.
Hopefully, her boyfriend can come to respect her boundaries, but if not, there is another conversation coming.