Kids and weddings.
That can be a dangerous combination.
So many weddings these days are keeping children off the guest list.
That can cause some problems with guests that are parents.
But then sometimes it may look like a good idea.
Case in point…
Redditor NoWeddingCake wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for making a kid leave my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“After a long a** wedding day we hit the reception.”
“Things are fine until my hubby’s cousin Anna’s kid started making a fuss about cake.”
“Like screaming and just a huge meltdown (autistic) over not having ice cream with his cake.”
“Like screaming.”
“Throwing himself on the middle of the dance floor kicking his feet and he’s offered several sliced of the cake only to throw them.”
“The floor is a sticky mess.”
“I was planning on doing the father/daughter dance right after this.”
“I’m almost in tears at this point and thank God my sister and M[aid] O[f] H[onor] and my mother had enough of this and told Anna and her son they needed to go.”
“Anna and her son refused to leave and the boy started acting worse to where my sister gets pissed off and told her to leave or the police will be called.”
“That’s not an empty threat from my sis because her F[ather] I[n] L[aw] is a cop.”
“Anna leaves but we are now like an hour behind schedule because of a meltdown over ice cream.”
“I’m not feeling any of it and leave without the rest of the dances.”
“The DJ plays for his schedule time but no one is feeling it after the kid’s meltdown.”
“New hubby gets a call on our honeymoon and his family (grandma, aunt, cousins) now want all of the wedding gifts back because my family decided to bully an autistic child who was allowed to throw a fit in the middle of the dance floor for an hour.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA… and as an autistic person I feel STRONGLY about this.”
“The kid didn’t have a meltdown because of ice cream it was the thing that broke the camel’s back bc a wedding is almost guaranteed to cause over stimulation which leads more often than not into a meltdown.”
“How the parent didn’t recognise this or even seem to think about how it could be a possibility- and then refusing to leave basically keeping your child in a very vulnerable state in front of a whole a** wedding party genuinely makes me angry.
“Either way, you handled it the best you could, definitely NTA.” ~ Sieepsaand
“Exactly! I remember getting overstimulated and feeling guilt over ‘ruining everyone’s time’ instead of enjoying the occasion like everyone else.”
“So many occasions where I would’ve rather gone home, but my parent(s) didn’t want to leave and no one had a good time.” ~ SnorkelBerry
“I’m a whole a** neurotypical adult, and take myself away when I have had enough at a family gathering, holiday gathering or large group.”
“I isolate and read for a while, take a walk, etc.”
“I am just not fond of loud, noisy and sometimes drunken crowds.”
“OP is not the jerk for being both disappointed and disgusted with the kid’s mom, and should not return the gifts, they came for the show – and got one.” ~ BefuddledPolydactyls
“Meltdowns are awful.”
“I’ve described it before as being a lot like throwing up– you don’t WANT to do it in the first place.”
“If it happens you’ve probably been feeling awful for a while leading up to the event, and if you HAVE to, the last thing you want is to do it in public where everyone has to see you going through the worst and most disruptive thing you could go through.”
“That said, agreeing that OP is very much NTA– Anna should have been looking out for her kid.”
“Not only did she fail to get him away before he hit an overload, she couldn’t even remove him to a safe/quiet place once it happened.”
“She made her child’s suffering a public spectacle, which can be traumatizing.”
“To this DAY I can remember times I had meltdowns where I couldn’t get somewhere safe or private.” ~ Confident_Tourist580
“This! All family events have an escape plan for my son to ‘hide’ in.”
“He doesn’t need to ask or anything. When he’s overwhelmed and overstimulated, he can just find his quiet spot – away from everything and everyone – and collect himself.”
“We have had to decompress in interesting areas over the years (empty store aisles, random airport spots, etc).”
“The point is that, as a parent, you figure it out.”
“My son is still a kid.”
“My job is to help him learn to manage his emotions and finding healthy ways to cope.”
“She’s doing her kid no favors.”
“And you are a saint for putting up with it for an hour.” ~ Ok-Mode-2038
“I work with special needs kids and a kid who’s having a whole public meltdown is not a kid who can handle the large sensory and social demands of a wedding.”
“That’s a kid that would be much happier at a bare minimum sitting outside in the quiet until they’ve calmed back down if not just staying home in the first place.”
‘I’m a whole adult and even I need to take breaks from big social events like this.”
“That poor kid must have been miserable for who knows how many hours.”
‘The mom made this so much worse.” ~ littlestgoldfish
“As an autistic adult with autistic kids I can say with certainty that this was a case of overstimulation building through the day and the ice cream being the thing that just tipped things.”
“I’m so sorry your wedding day was blighted but the parent of the child is the one at fault here. NTA.” ~ Commercial_Ask_4828
“The only person ‘bullying’ an autistic child was the mother of the child.”
“Getting the poor kid out of the overstimulating environment was the best thing that could have happened and is what the mother should have done before the kid went into full meltdown.”
“And then keeping him in the overstimulating environment and making it worse by shoving food in his face and talking at him for over an hour?”
“What in the world was that mother thinking?!” ~ Kr_Treefrog2
“I feel like this shows how terrible the mom is, not the child.”
“Seeing replies like yours opens my eyes to many things.”
“I have a child with A[ttention] d[eficit] h[yperactivity] d[isorder] and possibly on the spectrum (she’s getting evaluated soon).”
‘She’s my middle, and I know her very well. I know her moods, I watch her.”
“I see when she’s getting upset and talk to her.”
“My husband tells me all the time that I’m so quick to pick up on how she’s feeling, but it’s not hard if you spend time with your child.”
“I have no clue how the mom couldn’t have seen the meltdown coming.”
“Sometimes I feel upset, wondering if I’m doing enough or if I’m a good enough parent – but then I see stuff like this and think that while I’m not perfect, I’m also not oblivious.”
“And I’m trying.” ~ TraditionalPayment20
“The parents knew as SOON as the kid started, probably before, that the signs were there that the child was over stimulated.”
“So, instead of making their escape, they stayed and subjected EVERYONE to that? Nope.”
“Not cool.”
“I am the Mom of an Autistic child, and look, there were times where I had to have him with me and we just ‘couldn’t leave.'”
“But… that didn’t mean I had to subject everyone to him having a melt down.”
“I picked him up, hitting and kicking me, carried his a** out the door, and we walked away and out of ear shot.”
“If that meant I was away from everyone for an hour, so be it.”
“I didn’t go back till he was calm and I was calm. If he started again on the way back, we went right back to where we had been.”
“If I needed to leave the place and go home, I did (if that was an option).”
“Trust me, there were plenty of times I left my grocery cart half full of stuff and had tears in my eyes as I looked at the employees and apologized profusely as I hauled my red faced screaming child out of the store.”
“Not once did anyone shame me, and sometimes I would ask them to hold the cart for me.”
“Restaurants too. If I had to pay, I would leave my credit card with the waiter and tell them I would be right back and just ring up the bill. NTA.” ~ jjrobinson73
“Send all their s**t back and block them everywhere for ever.”
“They have demonstrated by their actions they care nothing for you and hubby.”
“Mom should certainly understand her kids needs, special or otherwise, and be prepared to deal with them whenever out in public.”
“No way should he have been left to continue his melt down at your event.”
“Take him to the car or their room for him to finish his meltdown.”
“He could always have come back after (don’t know correct terminology for autism) he stabilizes and returns to acceptable behavior. NTA.” ~ Bigbore_4
Well, OP, Reddit is with you and the hubby.
Taking back a wedding gift after this meltdown seems to be in bad taste.
Sounds like a big family chat is on the horizon, though.
Good luck and congrats!