Finding reliable childcare is never an easy feat.
As parents are looking for people they not only can depend upon but, more importantly, trust with their children when they need to be away.
Those lucky enough to live near their children’s grandparents would seem to have guaranteed, reliable childcare.
Sadly, this is not the case for everyone.
The parents of Redditor Cute_Objective_7551l offered to watch her baby so she could get some much-needed rest.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) made a shocking discovery while her child was under her mother’s care.
Ultimately, leading her to forbid her mother from ever watching her child again.
Concerned she may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for taking my baby from my parents?”
The OP explained why she no longer felt comfortable leaving her child alone with her parents:
“I (26 F[emale]) have a 4 month old baby: he was born prematurely and had a lot of feeding issues, so I exclusively pump breastmilk for him and we bottle feed him.”
“This is great because anyone can feed him but inconvenient for me since I pump 6x a day even in the middle of the night.”
“Once my baby was eating well from the bottle and sleeping 3+ hours at a time, my dad invited us to come stay with him and my mom every so often to catch up on some uninterrupted sleep.”
“We happily obliged and since then, Thursday nights are spent at their home.”
“My dad has historically done AMAZING with my nieces and nephews, so I wholeheartedly trusted him with my baby overnight and his house already had the facilities to keep a baby (safe sleep space, bottle warmer, changing table etc).”
‘My mom on the other hand has historically been a bit neglectful to my nieces and nephews so we have kind of universally agreed that my mom is not to watch any of our kids alone.”
“I did give her the benefit of the doubt and trusted her to feed the baby and change him.”
“Nothing more.”
“Well, 3 weeks ago I come downstairs from a shower and my mom is feeding him a bottle that looked suspicious.”
“I asked her if it was old and she said no.”
‘The bottle was hot to the touch.”
“I took a pic of it and showed my sister, who said that it was very clearly a bottle of microwaved breastmilk.’
“I got upset but kindly explained to my mom why you shouldn’t microwave breastmilk, which is because it can cause fat separation, nutrient loss and burn the baby’s mouth severely.”
“She said she understood and we kinda forgot about it.’
“A week later, I go to wash baby dishes and next to where she normally sits I find another microwaved bottle.”
“I told her more firmly that if I saw it again, I would take the baby and leave.”
“Lo and behold, Friday morning I hobble into the kitchen to get pump supplies and when I noticed my son wasn’t in the crib or with my dad, I got nervous.”
“I went to my mom and found yet ANOTHER microwaved bottle.”
“I thought I was crazy, so I took it upstairs to my husband who agreed it was nuked and started packing.”
“We went downstairs together and I explained to my parents that we were leaving.”
“My mother vehemently denied microwaving the milk and my dad said he had prepared that bottle himself.”
“I KNEW someone was lying because my eyes don’t lie. I took the baby from my mom and she went in one of her narcissistic rants about how ‘I guess I’m just a piece of sh*t’.”
“So I told my dad it has nothing to do with him and I love him and we left.”
“My dad is extremely upset because he LOVES this baby. It’s his first biological grandchild, and they already have a very special bond.”
“But I had to stick to my word.”
“My mom later admitted to my dad she did indeed reheat the milk in the microwave, and she has since refused to speak to me or take accountability and apologize.”
“But she can call my sister crashing out and saying I’m so mean and robbing her of her grandson… sigh.”
“My father heated the bottle, my baby did not finish it, and my mother put it in the microwave for her to feed him the rest.”
“My dad was completely unaware that she did that, so he is absolutely not the problem here.”
“I’ve always questioned why he stays with my mom and I think it’s because they’ve just been together so long he doesn’t know being alone would be better for him.”
“He has never actually defended my mom and they don’t even sleep on the same floor of the house or sit in the same room together.”
“It baffles me, but I will not be bringing baby around if my mom is around, even if it hurts his feelings.”
“He can find a way to meet us or hitch a ride down this way, ALONE, if he wants baby time.”
“My sister, whom my mom called, didn’t defend her.”
“All 3 of my siblings and I have our feelings about my mom, and we have all made the same mistakes with her and our kids.”
“At the end of the day, even though she is a narcissist and a screw up, she is still our mom and we all want her to have a relationship with her grandchildren, but now for all of us except the one-week-old baby my other sister has, it happens at arm’s length.”
“It is partly my fault for thinking maybe the sixth grandchild would change something, but you know what they say about hindsight.”
“Anyways, AITA here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her mother watch her son.
Everyone agreed that the as the OP’s mother did put her son’s safety at risk, she lost the privilege of watching him any further:
“Never leave your baby with your mother again.”
“She can’t be trusted.”
“NTA.”- Gigafive
“NTA.”
“Don’t give in to your mom’s tantrum – she proved she will ignore your wishes if she wants to do something different, thus it is not safe to be unsupervised with your baby.”
“However, I think you also need to have a chat with your dad – clearly he also thought it was acceptable to lie to your face that he made the bottle, just to protect your mom and keep the baby around – knowing that this is not in the baby’s best interest.”
“Reevaluate how much you can actually trust his judgement and actions to put baby over his own and your mother’s selfish desires.”- flinsbird
“NTA.”
‘I was a childcare provider for years with additional education and licensure in infant/toddler care during those years.”
“I live in Massachusetts, and it is strictly against State policy to microwave breastmilk and feed milk in general.”
“It’s also universally discouraged and not recommended for the exact reasons you stated.”
“Milk should be warmed with a bottle warmer or warm/hot water, and should always be skin tested to the touch before feeding.”
“Your mother lied, and you did nothing wrong by setting boundaries, even if that means physical separation.”
“Your dad loves your baby, but his wife created consequences that he has to accept and either work on with her or accept that you aren’t comfortable leaving your baby alone with them at their home as a result of your mother’s actions.”- rarcham94
“NTA.”
“In a situation like this, a first mistake can be forgiven, a second mistake is the time for an ultimatum, and a third mistake is the last straw.”
“The whole point of you staying with your parents for a bit was to get a respite from 24/7 baby care, which only works if you don’t have to constantly worry about whether your baby is being safely cared for.”- Naomeri
“NTA.”
“People like her (and children) need to have boundaries and consequences.”
“It’s the same people who don’t think that’s fair.”- goodurs
“NTA.”
“She can’t be trusted to not ruin your baby’s breast milk and possibly hurt him.”
“She keeps doing this even after repeatedly being told to stop.”
“She knows what she’s doing is wrong and why, and yet she keeps doing it, even when your dad already got it ready.”
“Which means that bottle was really gonna be hot.”
“She can’t be trusted unsupervised, and this is your case in point.”- Ashamed-Biscotti650
We all make mistakes, but the only way anyone can learn from their mistakes is to take accountability.
Had the OP’s mother done that, she would still have access to her grandson.
Even more tragic, however, is that the OP’s mother’s deceit also resulted in the OP’s father losing access to his grandson.