Attention is a tricky thing.
Some people dread attention, and do everything they can to stay out of the spotlight.
While some people crave attention and go out of their way to be the center of everything.
Regardless of where anyone stands, everyone deserves and needs a little attention here and there.
Even if not everyone is always willing to give it.
Redditor TAannoying was recently feeling anxious and stressed, leading her to text her nearest and dearest.
Much to their annoyance, the original poster (OP)'s sister found a way to turn the topic of conversation in the chat back to her.
Something the OP would later confront their sister about, to less than satisfying results.
Concerned they may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my sister to stop mommyjacking every conversation and to let me talk about myself?"
The OP explained why they felt compelled to confront their sister about her behavior:
"My sister has 2 kids, 4 and 1."
"Ever since she got pregnant about 5 years ago, she pivots every conversation to pregnancy, breast feeding, her kids, etc."
"We have a family group chat and it happens any time I try to text about something, no matter how important."
"When people are responding to me, she brings up something about being a mother and everyone drops what I was saying and moves on to her."
"It's been annoying me for a while."
"This has happened for pretty much any conversation that happens."
"It only doesn't happen if she is asleep or not on her phone, so that's not often."
"She did it after I got engaged, when I was talking about my new job, when I am talking about my health, when I bought a house, etc."
"At the start of this week I found out intense restructuring is happening at the company I work at and my job situation is up in the air."
"I've obviously been very stressed about it and wanted to vent/get advice from family members who have been in the workforce longer than I have."
"After no messages all day, I text the group chat."
"I sent a couple messages back and forth with a couple people in the group."
"Then my sister sends a picture of her baby talking about how he wants some milk."
"Conversations then turns to be about the baby and l just got really upset because it happened once again especially because I could tell by the lighting in the picture that it was taken hours earlier."
"I privately texted her asking 'for once can a conversation be about me without you 'mommyjacking' it?'"
"She told me I need to grow up and that not everything is about me."
"She apparently then called our mom to tell her about it and my mom told me I was an a**hole to send that text and that I need to 'lighten up'."
"I'm assuming word got around because now no one will respond to anything I say in the group chat."
"AITA for telling my sister to stop mommyjacking every conversation and to let me talk about my life?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling their sister to stop 'mommmyjacking' their group chat.
Everyone agreed that the OP's sister was clearly trying to steal all the attention for herself, and the OP would definitely be better off seeking help and advice almost anywhere else:
"NTA."
"But I would just find your support in individuals and not the group as a whole."
"If you have a favorite aunt or a cousin who's been through something similar or a conversation to your mom one on one."
"This gives your sister NO opportunity to hijack you and two, it's less of an 'into the void' kind of thing."- Background-Interview
"NTA."
"That kind of behavior is 100% attention seeking and deliberate and not an accident either."
"Also, I'm going to add that the family members aren't all that innocent either because they shouldn't just be immediately diverting to whatever the sister says when the moment isn't hers."
"They should be calling that behavior out."- cherries2774
"I think 'mommyjacking' is my new favouite word to describe narcissistic new mothers!"
"NTA."- Square_Top7308
"NTA."
"She told me I need to grow up and that not everything is about me."
"She says this while always making everything about herself."
"That should tell you everything you need to know about them."
"I might have said stop mommyjacking my convo in the group chat as I'm sure you aren't the only one thinking she does it, though that could just invite drama if everyone sides with her on everything."- mitsumoi1092
"NTA."
"But I would leave the chat and not come back when they pull the surprise pikachu."- HistorineHeroine
"NTA."
"but your sister sounds insufferable."- luckygingercat
"NTA."
"Sometimes it's nice to be able to have a conversation without someone hijacking it, even in a group chat."
"You can follow up with people privately, but I do understand your frustration."
"I'm in large groupchats for some things, and it's not uncommon to be interrupted of course, but people are able to continue conversations."- reluctantseal
"NTA for wanting her to stop, and NTA for asking her to stop."
"But there were strategically better ways of trying to get her to stop, that would have been much less likely to result in anyone calling you an a**hole."
"Not accusing her of "mommyjacking" anything (even though she was)."
"That's almost certain to get her back up, and a self-absorbed person like your sister is going to respond by going on the attack and rallying the forces to attack you as well."
"A much better strategy would have been to say to your sister 'I have stuff going on in my life too, problems I'm trying to deal with. When you start talking about your kids, everyone's attention is diverted to you, and I'm left feeling alone and unsupported. Do you think tonight you could let me have the floor for a change?'"
"Having your group chat via video rather than text, which would enable you to cut in and say 'Hey, Sis, could we finish discussing this subject first, before we get on to your kids?'"
"Seeking out advice about your problems from individual family members privately rather than via the group chat."
"If anyone asked 'But why aren't you asking this via the group chat? You'd get lots more good ideas', you could have replied candidly 'Because no matter what we start talking about, Sis always steers it to her kids, and I feel shut out'."
"If you think they'd have been supportive of you, you could have asked them to help you in the group chat by not responding to your sister's kid talk, or by saying something bland and then steering it back, such as 'That's nice. Now, we were talking about OP's work problem. OP, have you considered...'"
"But your family may now have made that impossible:"
"I'm assuming word got around because now no one will respond to anything I say in the group chat."
"If your family is THAT unsupportive, and are now giving you the silent treatment, or if you think that maybe they were never as interested in you and your life as they are in your sister and her kids, then they're not the family you need."
"It's sad, but it happens."
"Our true family is not necessarily found in the people we are biologically related to."
"Since no one is responding, you may as well withdraw from the group chat entirely."
"You will find your true family elsewhere - among your friends."
"I am closer to my friends than I am to some family members."- ThisWillAgeWell
"NTA."
"Sounds like she is a drama Queen who now uses the kids to play 'Look at me'."
"It's incredibly disheartening but family dynamics devolve like this into factions all the time."
"Try and reach out to a close friend or support groups, sometimes family can be the first ones to pull you down off the ladder rather than be the wind beneath your wings."- RenaissanceMan1963
"NTA."
"This is a pattern she's established and no one is paying enough attention to notice."- Drdonkeyballs
"Here's the crux of the issue, OP. Your family is obviously more interested in All Things Baby than they are in what you're doing."
"If they cared, they'd say, 'Wait, Sister ... OP had an important question. Let's settle that first and then we'll marvel that Baby learned to projectile vomit'."
"Your sister couldn't mommyjack if your family didn't enthusiastically participate."
"In all honesty, you should probably take that to heart and find other people to seek advice from because your family isn't going to fulfill that role for you."
"Stop sharing with them unless you're talking individually, and even then, keep it in mind that they can be easily distracted from your issues if a baby pic comes their way."
"Stop pumping a dry well, in other words."
"Seek out people who want to hear what you have to say and want to help you."
"NTA."- LissaBryan
When someone is feeling down or anxious, they should be able to turn to their friends and family for support.
Sadly, it seems that the OP's sister, nor anyone in the OP's family, seems to agree.
Hopefully, the OP can find a shoulder to cry on with people not on that group text
