Food allergies are no joke but for Redditor ExpertPotato7447, the way she’s being asked to handle them is.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) roommate is dating a guy with major allergies, but her not cooking any of the foods in question isn’t good enough for them.
Now the OP’s roomie and her boyfriend want the OP to not even have the allergens in the house. ‘
At all.
This demand drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for a reality check.
She asked,
“AITA for telling my roommate that I don’t give a f*ck about her boyfriends allergies?”
She went on to explain.
“I [24-year-old Female] have been living with my roommate Layla [25-year-old Female] for about ten months.”
“We have a 2-year lease so I really want to fix this so we’re not miserable for the next year and to start I need to see if I’m in the wrong.”
“Layla started dating Kyle about six months ago. Kyle has severe food allergies to shellfish, nuts, and soy, as well as a lot of more mild/moderate allergies.”
“I use nuts and soy a lot in my cooking and some occasional shrimp.”
“At first, Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over and I would just adjust whatever I was planning on making if it was something that would be aerosolized (mostly nuts) and this was fine.”
“He’s never had any reactions at our apartment from my food.”
“But it’s slowly escalated, and now they want me to not keep any ingredient in the apartment that could cause him anaphylaxis, even if I’m not actively eating or cooking it while he’s over.”
“I’ve refused, and they’ve both pushed back a lot on it, and I snapped a little and told them I don’t give a f*ck about his allergies.”
“I can accommodate him to an extent, but I don’t care if the contents of my cabinet make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t need to be near my things at all.”
“They’re being very dramatic and insisting I’m gonna “kill him” with my selfishness by having closed jars of nuts in the kitchen I pay to use.”
“But I’m not going to have my diet restricted by someone who doesn’t even live here.”
“Layla isn’t speaking to me at all right now, and I feel a little bad now because I do understand how serious allergies are, but I also think they’re overextending boundaries by telling me what I can or can’t eat when he’s not even here”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“‘Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over”
“Well, easy solution: he shouldn’t.”
“Your environment is incompatible with his needs.”
“‘someone who doesn’t even live here’”
“Beginning and end of this, as far as I’m concerned ^^^” – StAlvis
“NTA.”
“If he is allergic, he should be carrying an epi-pen, and not place himself in situations where he is trying to dictate what happens in someone else’s household.”
“OP has been very accommodating, but this has gone too far. It’s her home.” – Here_for_tea_
“I have a feeling the boyfriend will be around a lot more often (ie move in unofficially) if you were to remove your food items. NTA” – Boring_Ghoul_451
“I’ve been there. My former roommate let her boyfriend move in to our very cramped apartment without discussing with me first.”
“Very enraging bullsh*t.”
“That was also the last roommate I ever had. Even if I can barely afford it, living on my own is so much more f*cking peaceful than living with others.”
“OP is NTA and her roommate and the boyfriend need to f*ck off.”
“NTA. Kyle doesn’t live there.”
“If his allergies are so severe, he probably shouldn’t be putting himself in harms way by coming to your apartment.” – IamIrene
“Is he on the lease and paying rent? No? Then NTA.” “
You are. You live there. You have a right to live there with your food and belongings.”
“I think it’s great you’re trying your best to be considerate of his allergies in your cooking but that should be the limit.” – KarmaWillGetYa
“NTA – Kyle doesn’t even live there. If he feels endangered by the ingredients you keep in your cupboard then he shouldn’t come over. You didn’t sign a lease to live with Kyle.”
“I think the fact that you were adjusting what you’d cook when you knew he was coming over shows your willingness to compromise.”
“Layla and Kyle are clearly not interested in a compromise, they only want things their way.” – 0eozoe0
“NTA – he doesn’t live there. It might be time for Layla to move out and find somewhere that will accommodate.” – ExpressingThoughts
“NTA”
“Kyle’s not on the lease, and this wasn’t part of the arrangement you made when you and Layla decided to live together.”
“A reasonable ask would be to not eat or allow the allergens in the living room (or Layla’s bedroom), so Kyle has a safe space when he comes over (I’m not saying that, even if you refused that, you would be an a**hole, but at least to ask is reasonable).”
“To tell you what you can and cannot eat or even have in the house, whether or not he’s there, is overstepping. He doesn’t live there, and he’s not on the lease.”
“Surely Kyle lives somewhere; why can’t Layla and he hang out at his place instead of yours, and avoid the danger entirely?” – SamSpayedPI
“You know where Kyle would be safe? Kyle’s place. Do you live at Kyle’s place? No? Then NTA.” – ExistenceNow
“NTA. You’ve accommodated enough, especially when he doesn’t live there and he’s not your boyfriend.”
“‘if the contents of my cabinet make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t need to be near my things at all.’”
“This is exactly right, he shouldn’t be rifling through your things” – SubstantialSun8209
“NTA. This is crazy. He doesn’t even live there. if someone has a severe allergy, it is their responsibility to manage that, not yours.”
“a grocery store won’t hide all their peanuts when he walks in the door, i don’t know why they think you should have to change anything.”
“the fact that you would change your cooking is beyond nice, in my opinion. usually people with sensitivities bring their own food/containers/whatever they need to make it safe for them.” – champagneformyrealfr
“NTA.”
“You’re paying the rent. He’s not. It’s your home. Not his.”
“I won’t allow people to tell me what I can or can’t eat or cook in my own home. If it’s such a problem for him, he can just stop coming.”
“Doesn’t he have a home too? Your roommate can go to his place and they can both stop boss you around in yours.” – Champi_Feuille
“NTA”
“You pay to live there and are on the lease, and he is not. They can spend time at his place if they’re that worried about the closed contents of your cupboard.” – Aunty_Fascist
“NTA. Kyle doesn’t pay rent and can therefore pound sand. Time to find a new roommate” – FredFries_____
“INFO- how often does he come over? NTA though, a warning before he comes over is really all you need.” – Hungry-Peach6920
“NTA. Does Kyle not go grocery shopping?? What about fast food? Does he travel in a bubble in case he walks by someone eating a DQ Buster bar?”
“If the allergies are bad to the extent that a girlfriend’s roommate can’t even have these food items simply exist in their own home, it sounds like Kyle’s allergies are probably really cutting into his quality of life..”
“and if that’s the case, what is in YOUR kitchen shouldn’t be the priority. Also, most of those foods are great sources of protein, also… so are you just supposed to not get that??”
“Edit: rewording for clarity. My brain be a mess sometimes” – Sufficient-Signal-72
“NTA, they should hang out at his nut-free house.”
“This is your home that you pay for, and if this wasn’t agreed upon when you first moved in together, they are the ones who need to make other accommodations.”
“You tried to be accommodating but now they are acting entitled. He’s aware there are possible allergens there and it’s up to him to be responsible for his own wellbeing.” – Yogi_on_eggshells
“NTA. He does not pay rent. He does not live there. You do not need to make extreme accommodations for him. You already did enough to be nice. This is asking too much.” – lem0nhead420
“NTA, you’ve already accommodated him to a reasonable extent and them expecting you to never have any of those items in the space YOU PAY TO LIVE IN is ridiculous, especially since he doesn’t life there.”
“If they’re really that concerned, they can go spend time at his place.” – Heavy_Sand5228
“NTA – its YOUR home too, you shouldn’t have to adjust your living space for her boyfriend that DOES NOT LIVE THERE.”
“allergies suck, but again HE DOES NOT LIVE THERE. You should be able to eat and cook however you like in your own home.”
“she’s the one being inconsiderate. if she’s so mad about it, she can pay the money to get outta the lease and go live with her boyfriend.”
“edit: also he could, ya know, NOT come over, like would it be THAT hard for them to go somewhere else?” – birchsaurus
The OP should say she’s allergic to bad roommates 👀.