Even though it’s 2023, we still come across those people who carry around sexist comments like a badge of honor.
Sometimes we ignore them, but every once in a while, it’s worth it to put them in their place, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
After hearing a friend of a friend make a series of sexist comments, Redditor Far_Rock was getting sick of his double standards.
So when a perfect opportunity came up for her to make a point about his beliefs, the Original Poster (OP) did not hesitate to use it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for asking a guy why he doesn’t look like Chris Evans or Henry Cavill?”
The OP met a friend of a friend she wasn’t particularly fond of.
“I’ve (female) met this guy, ‘Jordan,’ a few times in the past since we share a mutual friend, ‘Brandon.'”
“Although, I’d use the term, ‘mutual friend,’ loosely since Brandon is only ‘friends’ with Jordan because their moms are best friends, and Brandon feels obligated to invite him to stuff.”
“I’ve asked Brandon how he feels about Jordan. They basically grew up together, so, in a way, he is considered family.”
In particular, she did not appreciate Jordan’s sexist comments.
“Jordan, in the past, has made some passive remarks, but at the time, I didn’t think much of it.”
“Brandon had mentioned that Jordan is a chill guy but tends to be very socially awkward and says stuff that could come off as offensive.”
That all changed during a recent party.
“Brandon had a little party at his place for Wrestlemania this past weekend.”
“It was pretty fun. We were all having a good time and were having conversations about movies.”
“One of them was how unfairly Henry Cavill has been treated and that he was perfect as Superman. Another was how both Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie are great as Captain America.”
“Once Wrestlemania started, things then started to shift.”
“Jordan looked at the female wrestlers and remarked how ‘sad’ it was that they allowed their bodies to look like that and that women have no excuse not to be built like Victoria’s Secret models since their diets and workouts are available online on YouTube.”
“Jordan went even further to say that since women don’t look like Margot Robbie or Megan Fox, women must work twice as hard to look good.”
“Brandon actually stopped him and said that he shouldn’t say stuff like that.”
“Jordan just shrugged. He stopped a little bit but would make small comments about how the women wrestlers were buff.”
The OP decided to make a point.
“Later on, we ended up talking about Chris Evans and Henry Cavill again. Jordan talked about how they were perfect.”
“Without thinking about it, I go, ‘Yeah, so why don’t you look like them?'”
“Jordan was taken aback and speechless. He started to spew stuff out like how he wasn’t as tall as them, nor was his body built like them.”
“I told him that’s exactly why all women can’t look like Victoria’s Secret models.”
“After that, he was quiet for the rest of the night.”
Brandon called the OP out on her comments.
“The next day, I got a text from Brandon saying that, while he agrees with me, he says that next time I should just let him handle Jordan.”
“He said again that Jordan says the wrong stuff and is offensive without meaning to be.”
“While I do agree that nobody should be compared to anyone, I felt like Jordan needed to have a taste of his own medicine.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t think it seemed like Brandon could “handle” anything, unlike the OP.
“NTA. You didn’t even say anything offensive (unlike him). You just pointed out the hole in his hypocritical logic.”
“Jordan is TA for obvious reasons. But Brandon is also an AH for not allowing you to speak for yourself. Brandon is clearly enabling Jordan’s terrible behavior.” – imothro
“The obvious flaw in Brandon’s comment is that OP wouldn’t have needed to say anything if he had completely shut Jordan down. But he didn’t. So OP did. Good on her.” – middlestauthor
“Brandon told OP to ‘let him handle Jordan,’ which he didn’t or couldn’t do. I actually think it sounds like Brandon’s scolding was just meaningless noise to Jordan (Come on, man, you can’t say that,’ but say what, right?), whereas OP’s pointed and relevant comment got through to him. Good on OP.” – BarracudaGullible
“NTA.”
“Jordan is another case of ‘he can dish it out, but he can’t take it.'”
“Brandon is just an enabler, so he doesn’t have to deal with drama or crap from his mom because he doesn’t play with the weird kid anymore.”
“Besides, all women wrestlers at this year’s WrestleMania looked really good. Jordan is just an insecure, hypocritical brat.” – DivineJerziboss
“They say if there’s one outspoken racist in a quiet crowd of five, it’s a crowd of five racists, and the same holds true for misogynists. These bigoted mentalities thrive under an illusion of commonality within a social environment that doesn’t challenge it, and that’s what you did… you challenged his bigotry.”
“You didn’t go scorched earth and tell him off for believing women inherently owe it to the world to look like Victoria Secret models and disparaging those who don’t as though it’s due to a character flaw, and to be clear, you absolutely could have, though it would have made him defensive.”
“What you did was take responsibility for your role in a group dynamic, and own that responsibility and your space to speak up against this person’s problematic views as an equal within it. That’s a far better way to approach situations like these because, as far as they’re concerned, an unchallenged view is a commonly held one.”
“You set the tone for the whole group by calling him out in a way that hopefully prompts him to examine his whole opinion, and with any luck, given the lack of voices coming to his aid or chiming in along with him, he will.”
“NTA and Bravo! You shut him down beautifully.” – about97cats
“NTA. Actually, it’s kinda a good sign that your comments shut Jordan up. It makes me think you made him think about his double standard for the first time, which might help him a great deal.”
“You weren’t personally attacking his looks or him either. No one should have to look like Victoria’s Secret models, Henry Cavill or Chris Evans. It’s a miserable thing to have to upkeep!”
“Tell Branden if he doesn’t want people to help him potty train his puppy, then he shouldn’t bring it with him.” – Office_Desk906
Others took serious issue with Jordan’s misogynistic behavior and comments.
“Brandon is making excuses for Jordan by saying he’s ‘socially awkward’ and ‘didn’t mean it.’ F**k that. If he actually didn’t mean it, he would’ve apologized profusely and stopped making any more comments.”
“Instead, he just shrugged when he was called out and continued to make comments. He didn’t even apologize when OP called him out. OP, Jordan is 100% NOT socially awkward and saying things he doesn’t mean. He’s an unapologetic misogynist.” – Underbourne
“NTA. Jordon got a taste of his own medicine by having the logic he articulated applied to his situation. He sounds like he’s got a lot of maturing to do.”
“As for Brandon, it sounds like he’s conditioned himself to apologize for Jordan’s bad behavior over the years. He seriously needs to re-evaluate that friendship.” – failure_as_a_dad
“NTA, but these people are sexist. You should be silent and listen to harassment so someone else does not feel bad? Why are you less important than they are?”
“The thing is, the group is used to enabling this guy. You didn’t, and they’re not sure how that works. Set and keep the boundary that you will not enable his disgusting behavior and if he can’t handle it he should be told it’s unacceptable.”
“I am an autistic adult and know silence is complicit behavior and enabling bad. It’s not that hard.” – FirebirdWriter
“I’m sorry, but, unless Jordan is a toddler who is just learning what words mean, there is no excuse for his behavior.”
“Being socially awkward or having ASD or whatever they’ll blame this on is not an excuse to be a misogynist, which is what Jordan was, and what Brandon is asking you to ignore. NTA.” – xlcxx
“NTA.”
“Men, and I say this as one, have to do a better job of checking our peers on that sh*t; making excuses for him is bulls**t. He doesn’t mean well; he isn’t just awkward; he’s just a judgmental misogynistic hypocrite. There’s no need to dress it up or pretend like he’s a ‘good guy’ or ‘chill’ outside of that. His personality doesn’t exist outside of that, that’s a part of it, and that makes him an a**hole, not just an awesome but misunderstood cool guy.”
“F**k that noise, Jordan says ‘the wrong stuff’ because he thinks ‘the wrong stuff’ and ‘believes the wrong stuff,’ he’s an a**hole, and Brandon is just as big an a**hole for excusing it, protecting him from the natural consequences of his behavior and continuing to include him when he’s an outright asshole to people.”
“F**k that noise. Show Brandon this thread and ask him when you can expect his apology. Then tell him you’re going to keep your distance until he learns to be a better friend.” – SaltyDangerHands
The subReddit applauded the OP for taking care of herself and also teaching Jordan an important lesson about his way of thinking. Based on his reaction, the OP may have been the first person to address this with him, and he could either grow with it or continue to be a questionable friend.