Dishonesty is something people tolerate in varying degrees.
Some people don’t care if the people in their lives lie all the time about everything—they’ll even go to extremes to defend their lying. Others excuse “good faith” lies, but not the ones intended to cause harm. While some have zero tolerance for any lying.
A young woman who inadvertently exposed someone’s lies turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Odd_Gur1166 asked:
“AITA for accidentally catching my brother’s girlfriend in a lie?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (19, female) have a brother (24, male) that I’ll call Liam. Earlier this year, he started dating a girl he met at his climbing class that I’ll call Emma (26, female).”
“They’ve been together for 4 months and this weekend he decided to introduce her to us. They arrived yesterday and are staying until tonight.”
“She is a really nice person and we got along well. Then at one point my dad asked her what she did in life and she said she was a lawyer.”
“I was super interested because I’m currently studying law and have wanted to be a lawyer since I was maybe 10, so I was very excited to ask her questions about it.”
“I asked about cases that she had, how she studied to become a lawyer, what her days looked like and many more things. I might’ve been a little over enthusiastic and annoying, but I didn’t realize it at the time and was just excited to get to ask someone questions about my dream job.”
“But at one point she said something that seemed incoherent to me. The details might be long and boring, but basically she just said something that isn’t technically possible.”
“So I was curious and a bit confused and I asked her how that was possible because I just thought she’s the professional so she must know better than me. But as she tried to explain it, she just said more incoherent and impossible things.”
“It was kind of like if someone was quoting things from Grey’s Anatomy to doctors if you see what I mean. So I asked more about it to understand and that’s when she admitted that she wasn’t actually a lawyer and worked at a bookstore.”
“She told us that she was very sorry for lying and then left the table and my brother followed her. My parents kind of scolded me for being so intrusive and when my brother came back he was a bit angry.”
“He started telling me that I was wrong for ‘interrogating her’ and that I made her uncomfortable, and that she had lied because she was embarrassed about her job and I just made her more embarrassed.”
“Now he hasn’t been talking to me since and neither has Emma. I’m not sure I’m in the wrong here, but they all seem to think so.”
“I get that me asking questions was annoying and maybe a bit too much, but I truly didn’t have bad intentions. I was just excited to be able to talk about it with someone.
“And also, I don’t understand how everyone is so okay with the fact that she lied to my brother for 4 months and then also lied to us. I get being embarrassed, but I don’t know—it’s still a bit weird to me.”
“But I never meant to make her uncomfortable and I genuinely liked her. I don’t see how I’m in the wrong, but maybe I just can’t see it.”
“So please tell me so that I can have another perspective.”
The OP later added:
“My brother didn’t know that she was lying, because she had also told him she was a lawyer when they met and he also found out at dinner that it was a lie.”
“I’m guessing she lied to him when they first met and didn’t expect it to take such proportions and was kind of stuck in her lie, which I can have sympathy for, but it’s still really weird.”
“For everyone wondering if I’m on the spectrum or neurodivergent in any way, I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but many doctors and teachers of mine have mentioned it to me.”
“I can understand why, but I don’t want to self diagnose obviously. I haven’t been able to get tested because my parents ‘don’t believe in that stuff’, but as soon as I’m fully independent (financially, and living on my own) I will get tested.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole for asking lots of questions and being ‘pushy’ or annoying because it ended up revealing her lie to everyone.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. She’s a weirdo for lying about being a lawyer and your family is weird for acting like you did anything wrong when you assumed she was the knowledgeable one and was just trying to grasp what she was saying.”
“It’s not like you were trying to catch her in a lie. She couldn’t keep up with it and had to out herself to end the conversation.” ~ Objective-Ad9800
“Your brother is probably doubling down and trying to make you the bad guy so he doesn’t have to feel his own embarrassment at being fooled for months. NTA.” ~ Fit_Menu8933
“If your brother knew were studying law, I’m surprised that he hadn’t told her. If my date told me she was a lawyer, I would have said ‘My sister is going to love to talk to you as she is currently in law school’.”
“NTA—she was doubly stupid for claiming to be a lawyer. I expect your parents were trying to support your brother through his embarrassment, but that night in bed they would have been laughing at her audacity in trying to pretend to be one.” ~ Future_Direction5174
“She’s the one who lied, how on earth are you the bad guy in this situation? NTA.” ~ KateNotEdwina
“Where’s the accountability for the actual liar?”
“I hope this girl goes no contact with her family if they’re willing to risk their relationship with their family member over a liar who her brother has dated for four months.”
“If she can lie about something so minuscule she can lie about bigger things.” ~ Gold_Bathroom356
“NTA. I mean, maybe learn to read the room, but still, an excited young person talking a bit too much about something is at worst a little socially unaware, but that’s not bad—you couldn’t have known.”
“She played with fire and got burnt. Not to mention how could she possibly think this could work out with such a huge lie?”
“And over so long. This is someone with some serious issues. Even if she didn’t have malicious intentions, it is still very disturbed.” ~ Equivalent-Ad5449
“If I was the brother, I would not put my significant other that LIED to me for 4 months above the relationship I have with my little sister. I’d probably break up with my partner for lying to me for THAT LONG.”
“My trust would be broken and I would doubt the things she says to me from that point on. I think it’s just a weird situation in general and I would honestly be a little creeped out.”
“NTA. Something is definitely off with her, especially since she tried so hard to maintain the lie instead of just saying the truth. Too calculated.”
“Also makes me wonder how the hell her brother didn’t figure out that she worked at a bookstore and wasn’t a lawyer of all things.” ~ Popular_Cat_477
“I have to believe that this is more about embarrassing the brother than outing the liar. Liam got to the ‘meet the parents’ stage of a relationship without realising that his partner was lying about something huge.”
“And was likely lying about lots of other things as well. The whole family turned on OP for accidentally revealing that her brother was fooled into a fake relationship with a pathological liar.”
“It’s messed up, but OP now knows that her parents have a favourite kid and it isn’t her. NTA.” ~ werewere-kokako
“NTA. She told a big lie and got caught out.”
“Whether she got caught out now, by your curiosity, or later, by you going to her for advice on how to get into your dream career, work experience, etc…, this lie was not going to last.”
“NTA for being interested, then having a ‘say, what?’ moment when she got an answer wrong on your special interest.” ~ Cautious-Job8683
“NTA. It’s weird she lied for so long, and then everyone’s mad at you? That’s messed up. It’s not ur fault she couldn’t keep up with her own lie.”
“If she was embarassed about her job she shldnt have lied in the first place. Like, she dug her own grave here.” ~ Lillypilar
“NTA. If it was a smaller lie with fewer wider implications, then YWBTA for trying to pick holes.”
“But for her to have lied about something so big as whether or not she is a lawyer (with the other implications about her career trajectory, financial situation, her ambitions, etc…) is a fairly big thing for your brother to be kept in the dark over.”
“It might be that she was saying it because she is (wrongly) embarrassed about ‘just’ working in a bookstore, in which case she probably isn’t a bad person.”
“But whatever her motivation, it’s not great that she has misled your brother for so long. It also begs the question ‘what else has she lied about?’.” ~ AHBS3
The OP had only good intentions when they asked their questions.
Only Emma knows what the true intention of her lies was.