Everybody needs downtime to decompress.
But sometimes that downtime just has to wait.
Especially when more important things take precedent.
This is especially true when a person has loved ones depending on them.
Some life partners just don’t understand.
Redditor Emergency-Degree9413 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting my partner to go fishing when I get out of the hospital?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 F[emale]) have just had my 4th baby 5 weeks ago.”
“I became severely unwell with mastitis and became septic and ended up in hospital on IV fluids and antibiotics for 48 hours.”
“My partner (26 M[ale]) asked if he could go fishing when I get home, the 48 hours would be up in the evening, and he would go when I got home.”
“He said he would take the 3 older kids, and I would just have the baby at home.”
“I’ve been away from my partner and 3 kids for days and have missed them and still do not feel 100%.”
“He said he’s worked hard all week and needs some downtime, time to do something he enjoys.”
“It’s also our daughter’s birthday party the next day that I have to organize.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for not wanting him to go fishing, and instead help me and spend time with me after being in the hospital for 3 days?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. This man isn’t even trying to pretend he cares… lol.”
“You had a baby, ended up with a horrible situation postpartum, and HE needs time off?”
“Girlfriend, please… Respectfully, stop having kids with this dude and leave him.” ~ TheJusticeFactory
“NTA. You gave birth 5 weeks ago, and you ended up septic?”
“And he is not bending over backwards to coddle you like a Godd*mn Faberge egg for a few days?
“But instead of going fishing?”
“Who is he planning to be nearby you if you need help?”
“If you start to show symptoms again, but you instinctively ignore it cause you have an infant to care for?”
“Has he gotten any information from health care professionals about how serious this actually is?”
“If you have spotted an older, mildly grumpy, but kind nurse or doctor around, feel free to mention this to them.”
“I used to work in health care, and would gladly chew him out a bit, and I suspect most of the people I worked with would.” ~ MistressLyda
“NTA. Sepsis and mastitis can be fatal, and just because you are out of the hospital does not mean you have completely recovered.”
“He is a father first; his downtime can wait.”
“I would also move your daughter’s birthday party to a later date; your health comes first.”
“Maybe invite your family or in-laws over to help and to shed light on what a useless and unreliable husband you have.”
“Once you have recovered, a wake-up call conversation would be a good idea.” ~ KlavierKillah
“Ummm… this is highly inappropriate for your husband to do.”
“I can tell he’s never been septic.”
“It’s going to take your body weeks to recover…and that’s IF you were healthy before.”
“The fact that you’re recovering from having a baby tells me that it will only complicate things.”
“He should be home helping you prep for the party.”
“He should be the one doing 80%+ of the work.”
“It sounds more like you’re a married single mom.” ~ Wandering_aimlessly9
“Y’all are choosing life partners too quickly and early in life. NTA.” ~ Bada**BokoblinPsycho
“NTA- this man thinks he needs time off after you just carried and birthed his 4th child and had a medical emergency??”
“That is wild.”
“Your partner is a massive selfish a**hole.”
“Please stop having children with this man.” ~ Impressive_Moment786
“This is not going to end well.”
“Dude needs to step up, man up, help with the birthday party, help you, and forget about himself and his need for downtime for the next year.”
“When you can get some you time, he can have some him time. 🤔🚩NTA.” ~ Downtown_Barber_499
“NTA. You’re just being discharged from the hospital.”
“Cancel your doing anything, including arranging your kid’s birthday party; tell him that it’s up to him to make it happen; and tell her that “mommy is still not well enough to do this.”
“If he goes fishing, check into an all-day spa that provides child care for your infant.”
“You need some ‘me time’ too.” ~ Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA… BUT! I’m not going to jump to condemn him like everyone else is doing.”
“You guys are SO YOUNG to have 4 kids, and I bet your partner got really, really scared about the prospect of losing his partner (both at such a young age for him and with four young kids at risk of losing their mom) over the past few days and is looking to mentally decompress and reset emotionally.”
“I actually think fishing is a really constructive way to manage that, all things considered.”
“Where he went wrong is the timing.”
“He needs to buckle down for a few more days and get everyone through the party and back to a sense of normalcy.”
“Unfortunately, one of the big challenges of adulthood is managing your stress and emotions until you have the opportunity for a healthy outlet, which is often deferred due to life’s responsibilities and commitments.”
“You guys should have a quiet chat together about how you’re both feeling in the meantime, and then I think you should each find personal time in the upcoming weeks.”
“In the long run, it would probably help you guys to do a bit of couples counseling.”
“Not because I think there’s anything wrong (I don’t have enough information to say that either way), but because it will help equip you guys to be the best partners and parents you can be.”
“I have a really strong marriage, and I find lots of benefit in it – like healthy relationship maintenance.” ~ gabi_ooo
“NTA… except… kinda to yourself for accepting this crap from a man you have had 4 children with.”
“This is likely not a singular incident and more so shows a pattern… which I hope you can see for what it is.” ~ SweetLemonLollipop
“Wow. That’s so f**ked up of him.”
“He should WANT to be there with you to help you.”
“Selfish as hell.”
“My husband would NEVER.”
“I’m so sorry he is your husband.”
“I can’t even put into words how f**ked up that is.”
“You should show him this post.”
“Of course, he’d probably just fight with you about it, so maybe you shouldn’t, but like I’m just so blown away by the selfishness.”
“Unforgivable. NTA OBVIOUSLY!!! “ ~ Maggiemoo621
“NTA. If you do not feel 100%, he should stay home.”
“Imagine if you needed more medical care after he left, or something happened where you couldn’t care for your baby, and no one else was around?”
“This has nothing to do with missing each other and your kids; the practicality of recovering from a major medical event needs to be considered.”
“The fishing trip can happen another weekend.” ~ Dry_Price_1765
“HOLY F***!!!”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Just leave him, honestly.”
“Who in their right mind considers that a reasonable request?”
“And I bet he’ll be so butthurt when you say no and paint you as the enemy despite your circumstances. NTA.” ~ Altruistic_Tell3423
“NTA! After 3 KIDS, you think he would understand that you should be cared for, especially after what sounds like a traumatic delivery and admission.”
“I think you, if possible, should take your own break somewhere.”
“That’ll give him his downtime.'”
“I’m so sorry!” ~ Conscious_Boss_3048
“NTA. I hope your post serves as a warning to other women to NOT marry the first guy that proposes.”
“Please make sure you guys have a partner who is helpful with EVERYTHING.”
“If your partner isn’t as invested in the pregnancy as you are, leave them.”
“They should be reading all the same baby books, going to the appts, etc. INVOLVED.”
“Also, 4 kids before 26 is… impressive.”
“I’m not sure why he thinks you guys would have the time for ‘downtime’ anytime soon.” ~ sweetest_potatoes
“NTA He’s selfish.”
“He’s complaining about working hard when you have literally bee in the hospital.”
“Nope, he doesn’t get to go.”
“You need support, and it’s also absolutely ridiculous for him not step in to plan the party.”
“He’s a father and a partner first; he can fish when you are recovered.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA. The only AH here is your partner! You have just given birth to his baby, been seriously unwell and in hospital, and all he can think of is to go fishing the minute you get home 😡😡.”
“He’s a massive, selfish AH!”
“Instead of going fishing, he needs to keep his backside at home with you and the kids.”
“That is where he’s needed right now, the fish will still be there in a few days.” ~ Nanamoo2008
“NTA – I’m sorry you are married to a bozo!!”
“You went through something massive, and as a reward to himself, he wants to take the three older kids fishing… work on getting your ducks in a row and leave him, he doesn’t care about you!” ~ Herlock-Sholme5
“He wants to go fishing, leaving a woman who has just delivered a baby and had mastitis entirely on her own??”
“Even if he does take the other three with him, that’s totally unreasonable.”
“Someone should be with you for company, and to help if you don’t feel like making meals or cleaning.”
“And don’t plan the daughter’s birthday party.”
“Let him do it, especially since it apparently comes when he wants to have charge of the older children.”
“He can make it a fishing party.”
“Forgot to add NTA.” ~ SavingsRhubarb8746
Reddit is with you all the way, OP.
You need help.
He needs to be there for you and your kids.
He can fish later.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.