Never come between a mother and her baby.
Also, it's probably not a good idea to try to hold a baby while drinking.
Holding infants and a cocktail can be a dangerous maneuver.
It's not a party trick.
Redditor ImaginaryBoard9624 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to let my sister's fiancé hold our baby after he openly mocked my parenting in front of my whole family?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (30 F[emale]) have a 6-month-old baby."
"My sister (28 F) has been dating her fiancé for only 3 months."
"I've met him a few times before."
"Yesterday, we were at a family BBQ."
"I was holding my baby, and he comes up, already kinda drunk, reaches out, and I was like, please don't touch him, he's been fussy today."
"He literally laughs and says loudly, 'Oh, come on your overprotective. Babies cry, you need to toughen him up.'"
"Then he tried to grab the baby while I was holding him."
"I stepped back, and he kept joking, 'Stop being so paranoid, babies are easy, you just make it worse!'"
"Everyone was laughing nervously, but I could tell they thought he was being rude."
"My sister didn't do anything."
"I told my sister after the party that he can't hold my baby at our house or at any family thing."
"She got super mad and said I was overreacting, and I can't control people."
"I feel like it's about safety and respect, not control."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"A man who had been drinking was trying to grab your baby away from you."
"Not only does he not get to hold the baby, but I would also refuse to be around him after that."
"He does not sound safe. NTA." ~ Important_Peach_7422
"I shudder to think of what the sister's boyfriend thinks he has the right to do to 'toughen up' someone else's 6-month-old baby against his mother's wishes."
"I would never leave my kid alone with him, and I would be keeping an eye on the sister as well. NTA." ~ NeatNefariousness1
"Thank you for pointing that out."
"When I read that he said that to OP, I felt the same way, terrified for any children he may have down the road."
"What an ignorant bully he is."
"I hope with all my heart that OP tells her sister he said this and that she realizes that he is an abuser."
"Even worse, because he WAS drunk, it brought out his true colors. NTA." ~ Capable_Restaurant11
"NTA. A drunk man should not be trusted to hold a baby, and the role of being your sister's fiancé doesn't mean much when he's only been dating your sister for 3 months."
"You did the right thing, and I wouldn't trust him at future gatherings, either." ~ BigBackeron
"NTA. So your sister's half-drunk, rude, disrespectful fiancé tries to grab your baby; then your sister does absolutely nothing to try to stop him."
"And she thinks you're the a**hole?"
"There are a couple of a**holes in this scene, but you definitely are not one of them."
"P.S. If your sister goes through with the marriage to this arrogant know-it-all, I believe she will have buyer's remorse before a year goes by." ~ Intelcourier
"NTA. You may not be able to control people, but you have every right to decide who holds your baby."
"And it isn't him." ~ MrBaileyBoo
"NTA. Your sister is absolutely incorrect."
"You CAN control people who hold your baby." ~ Aggravating_Baker557
"NTA. Just because your sister decided to marry a stranger doesn't mean your baby (that is not a toy) can be trusted in his care."
"I wouldn't allow any unsupervised time with either of them because your sister will give him the baby just to prove a point now." ~ BennetSis
"3-month fiancé?"
"Child's father didn't intervene?"
"Sister didn't distract her drunk 3-month fiancé?"
"No holding the baby?"
"Who cares about holding the baby!"
"Some drunk man you hardly know confronts you, tries to take your child from you!"
"Your sister is correct, you cannot control people."
"But that doesn't mean you can't have boundaries and control over yourself. NTA." ~ Only-upvibes
"Trying to grab the baby from you whilst he's under the influence is a terrible move."
"Absolutely NTA."
"Saying he can never hold the baby in the future?"
"I think you should never say 'never' and see if he shows some repentance and behavior adjustment first."
"But still NTA." ~ NoBluejay8766
"NTA. You can't prevent people from doing their own thing, OP, but you are absolutely allowed to control whether this boyfriend holds your child or not."
"Ignore your sister for now."
"Talk to other members of your family."
"Whatever he wants to SAY about your coddling of your child, the fact that he drunkenly tried to take your child after you told him no is out of line."
"Make sure you've got some other family members lined up on your side."
"Drunk dudes who have been dating your sister for less than a full season don't get to hold the baby unless you really, really like them."
"That's not this guy." ~ rockology_adam
"Yeah, parenting style is completely irrelevant here, drunk or not, a person tried to take a baby out of their mother's hands was told 'no' then tried to ignore the 'no' by attempting to take the baby again."
"That is a huge red flag behavior, and the drunkenness and disregard for a parent's boundary regarding their own child just makes this whole thing a lot worse."
"There is no way I would be allowing him or anyone condoning his behaviour near my baby, let alone trusting them alone with my baby." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA... nobody has any right to..."
"1)just try to GRAB your baby against your wishes..."
"2) tell you how to parent YOUR baby."
"Clearly, this guy sucks, and I hope your sister sees that sooner rather than later." ~ Viola_Blacks
"NTA, especially because drunk people should be shooed away from holding the baby anyway."
"You weren't wrong to start with, and your sister is extra wrong for thinking you're overreacting."
"Her overly-quick fiancé isn't a safe adult for children based on wanting to drunk-carry the baby and wanting to 'toughen up' a baby." ~ Various-Grape-6525
"NTA."
"1) I would never allow a drunk person to hold my baby..."
"2) I would never let anyone hold my baby who believes babies should be 'toughened up'..."
"3) I would never trust my sister to babysit because she tolerates and defends this guy. NTA." ~ oldyorker123
"My dad called the cops on my uncle (mom's brother) in almost the same situation when I was a baby."
"He was drunk and ended up making me cry with his antics."
"I wasn't hurt, just scared."
"Mom wasn't mad at Dad, but she was upset with her brother."
"He was never allowed back."
"And went to jail for the night."
"NTA, protect your kid." ~ therealsatansweasel
"He was being dangerous."
"That man is a danger to everyone around him."
"He thinks he can just take what he wants without consent."
"Never let him near your child. NTA." ~ sezit
"You can't control people, but you sure as hell can dictate who holds your child."
"NTA. I wouldn't let a drunk a**hole mock me then take my fussy baby." ~ Gnomer81
"NTA. She is correct, you can't control other people."
"You can, and should, control who interacts with your baby, and NO means NO." ~ SuspiciousCod1090
"He was drunk, so I see why you didn't want him to hold your baby... NTA." ~ GurLive7481
"NTA - Drunk strangers don't get baby handling privileges."
"If they stay together and he actually makes an effort to not be an AH and apologizes for this incident, maybe he can hang out with the kid at family events in the future, still doesn't get to touch them though." ~ Sweetsmyle
"You certainly can't control people, but you can absolutely control who holds or interacts with your baby, and it certainly isn't going to be a stupid, drunk dude. NTA." ~ happyhippy1019
"NTA, you told him not to touch your baby."
"Then he persisted in trying to grab your child while drunk."
"Then he told you that you need to 'toughen him up' at 6 months old?"
"It's also disappointing that your sister didn't intervene or say anything to him to stop him." ~ duckster25
"NTA of course, but she's been dating him for 3 months, and they're engaged?"
"And he was drunk at a family BBQ?"
"Somebody should control him because he's out of control."
"Where was your baby's father to back you up?"
"If he's not in the picture, you need to be even more assertive with your child."
"Your baby is 6 months old."
"He's not a football."
"Let your sister be mad."
"Make her even madder by never letting her 'fiancé' near your baby.'
"And let them both know that he is not going to be the fun uncle."
"He's going to be the uncle everyone tells the kids not to get too close to." ~ Malibucat48
"NTA, only the parents get a say in who holds the baby."
"I personally love babies and have calmed many when the parents couldn't; however, if the parents say no, then I do not hold the baby."
"I even ask permission to look at babies in carriers and strollers, and respect the parents' decision." ~ Diligent-Touch-5456
"NTA, I don't think you were overreacting, but it doesn't matter, even if you were, it your baby, you can make your own decisions regarding your baby."
"You set your boundaries, and that's final."
"Nobody touches your baby unless you agree to it." ~ irenehollimon
Reddit has your back, OP.
You were protecting your child.
You did what was necessary.
Your sister has some serious relationship thinking to do.
Good Luck.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.