The roles of women in Western countries have changed drastically in the last 100 years. But other global cultures are seeing evolution in gender roles as well.
The stereotypical role of stay-at-home wife and mother has been changed by women entering the workforce, either by choice or by necessity. But that’s not every woman’s goal or preference.
Some women prefer being a housewife.
A husband whose wife prefers to stay home turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback after friends of his brother shamed her for her choice.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
LetPrevious5008 asked:
“AITAH for kicking out my brother’s friend and his wife for disrespecting my wife?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My brother invited his best friend and his wife on my wife’s birthday, my wife and I knew his best friend because we met him a couple of times, but we met his new wife for the first time.”
“His wife asked my wife as to what she does, and my wife responded to her by telling her that she’s a housewife.”
“His wife gave a shocked face to my wife and asked her ‘why.’ My wife said Because she enjoys being a housewife and she doesn’t think it’s wrong.”
“She laughed and said, ‘Or you are just lazy,’ and told my wife that she should find a job. I told her that my wife is not lazy and she supports me, so she should mind her own business.”
“She kept arguing as if it was personal to her, and when I had had enough, I told her that my wife is better than hers and she probably has to work ‘extra hard’ to please her boss.”
“She got offended, and so did her husband, and I kicked both of them out.”
“My brother told me that I went too far by insulting his friend and his wife. When I asked him if they didn’t go too far when they insulted my wife, he said that they have a point, and everyone should be working in this day and age.”
“I didn’t want to argue with him, so I asked him to leave as well because I didn’t want to ruin my wife’s day by arguing with him as well.”
“But my mom says that I shouldn’t have kicked my brother out. Thankfully, all these stupid arguments happened before all the other guests arrived and we still enjoyed our party.
“So am I the a**hole for kicking them all out?”
The OP later added:
“It didn’t feel like that woman was jealous of my wife, because she kept saying that my wife is lazy and she should work.”
“My wife and I are happy with the way we live, so why the f*ck does it matter to anyone else?”
“Our life choices didn’t affect them in any way, and my wife was just being a gracious host. Even after they insulted my wife, she didn’t insult them back; that’s how sweet my wife is.”
“I don’t regret kicking them out, but what I do feel bad about is I kicked my own brother out.”
“I have complicated feelings towards him. I wonder why he did not stop his friend and his wife from insulting and bullying my wife.”
“He’s my brother, and he wasn’t being disrespectful towards me, but he and his best friend and his wife were insulting my wife. That is the same as insulting me, so I won’t tolerate that either.”
“Even if he apologizes at this point, I won’t totally forgive him.”
“I was unfortunate that I got this brother of mine, and my wife is unfortunate for having a brother-in-law like him.”
“He wasn’t an a**hole before this, and he would respect my wife, but I don’t know why he didn’t defend her in this scenario. Maybe he cares more about his best friend and his wife.”
“Or maybe he was pretending all this time, and he held the same opinion towards to my wife all this time. I will never know, and I don’t want to anymore.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP wasn’t wrong to kick people out who were rude to his wife (NTA).
“NTA. These people are insulting you in your own home. That’s disrespectful and rude.” ~ Far_Information_9613
“Why do they actually care? It doesn’t affect them in the slightest.”
“And who the f*ck starts an argument with a birthday girl they literally just met. She’s definitely just jealous.”
“Please have a private talk with your brother that if he ever brings up/weighs in on your wife’s SAH status, you’ll be going low contact/no contact. His opinion is irrelevant.” ~ Puzzled-Heart9699
“And by the way, why in the hell was brother inviting someone to OP’s wife’s birthday party?” ~ Tight-Shift5706
“NTA. The friend’s wife was way, way out of line, rude, and obnoxious. Your mom is also wrong.. Your brother was extremely rude as well.” ~ Gran1998
“NTA! These people have some nerve voicing their opinions about how your wife spends her time. Honestly, they are jealous.”
“Pure jealousy that they’re at work, slaving away, and your wife is not. They’re haters and good for you for standing up to them.”
“These people are ridiculous. On her birthday, too! They should wait until they’re in the car driving home to talk their shit and voice their opinions, people have no manners these days!” ~ Alanthiablue
“Your brother was being a dick. He’s allowed to feel how he wants, but should have only opened his mouth to tell his friends to back off. If he can’t be respectful in your home, he loses the privilege of being there.” ~ herroyalsadness
“If I were you, the only regret I would have is not being able to kick them out twice. Your brother included. No one insults my wife, and if you do it in my home, that’s it for you.” ~ Difficult_Youth_444
“Why do you regret kicking your brother out. He was very disrespectful to both you and your wife.”
“He needs to deeply apologize for all of that and acknowledge that being a homemaker is a much better job than a working woman who can’t see past her own inabilities.” ~ Electronic-Buy-1786
“Grow a spine and tell your mother you will not tolerate your wife being disrespected by him or anyone else. Including your mom.” ~ geekgirlwww
“Your brother invited two friends to a party he was not hosting. That is beyond rude to the host. Disrespect #1.”
“The friends proceeded to insult your wife repeatedly; disrespect #2.”
“Bro didn’t shut them down and take them away. That, sir, is disrespect #3.” ~ JoyReader0
“The working wife is probably jealous that she doesn’t have the luxury to stay home and tried to belittle your wife to make herself feel better. NTA. Good job OP!” ~ East-Ad3669
“Your brother should be siding with family if he were a real one.”
“Even if you were in the wrong (you are not), family is family.” ~ IronicJustice
“Sounds like the other wife is a fake feminist. She really believes her way of life is the only way to be an independent woman.”
“She will never understand there are different options for different people in life. As long as both of you are happy with the arrangement, who is she to judge‽‽” ~ corgi-king
“NTA. It’s none of their business—even if they do hold opinions like that, they bite their tongue when meeting people for the first time, especially as your guests…I mean, wow!”
“I’d have given them the boot, too.” ~ Careless-Giraffe-623
“These people are trash. You don’t go to someone’s house and insult them. Especially about something that is really none of their business.”
“Your brother and mom are pretty low on the social ladder as well. NTA.” ~ Curious-One4595
“NTA. But if I may say, your brother is an a**hole for not defending your wife and letting his friends go on and on about your wife being lazy.”
“Your brother sounds like a real great guy.” ~ AnnNonNeeMous
“NTA, proud of you for being a good husband. This is how we men should treat our wives.” ~ Unfair_Machine_7031
“NTA. They came to your wife’s birthday and disrespected her in her own home, yeah, that’s just being a prick. What she does with her life doesn’t concern them at all.” ~ ImaginationAlone8214
“NTA. The audacity of the bro’s best friend’s wife. What does it matter to any of them if your wife works or not?”
“It’s absolutely none of their business, and if your brother can’t defend his sister in law and agrees with his friend, he doesn’t need to be around either.”
“Your mother is delusional if she thinks you went too far; she can go too.” ~ Embarrassed-Fox-3332
“NTA. The woman’s husband should have good enough manners to have encouraged his wife to drop it, move on, etc… and your brother should have expected as much or stood up for your wife himself.”
“Your wife and you are due two apologies, but hopefully you’ll receive one from your brother.” ~ Chiron008
“No, they are the a**holes. You never insult someone’s choices, especially in their own home. Also, if anyone, your brother is a bigger a**hole.”
“Not only did you do him a favor by inviting his best friend, but to back them up over you‽‽”
“Tell your mother to stay out of it, you’re adults. If she still wants to be involved, she needs to tell her other son to learn respect and that his best friend is toxic and so is the wife.” ~ ncjr591
The OP was hosting these rude people in his home to celebrate his wife’s birthday. Bullying her about their relationship dynamic was unacceptable behavior.
The fact his brother and mother don’t agree seems like a good reason to limit contact with them all.