We all have items that we truly value.
These might not necessarily have a high monetary value, but have emotional or sentimental value.
With this in mind, we often find ourselves loath to let other people use, borrow, or even touch them, and seldom take them out of our sight.
When someone loses or gets rid of an item they claim to “value,” one can’t help but wonder just how “valuable” that item actually is.
The ex of Redditor MayMayR1 had left a personal item of his at the original poster (OP)’s home.
While the OP made an effort to return the item to their ex or his sister, their efforts proved futile, resulting in the OP eventually giving it away.
Unfortunately, shortly after doing so, the sister of the OP’s ex finally called in an effort to retrieve this item, and was not at all pleased to hear that it was no longer in the OP’s possession.
Wondering if they did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for giving away a military funeral flag that didn’t belong to me?”
The OP explained why their ex’s sister was furious to hear they gave away a family item:
“Ok long story short I ended up with a military flag that an ex had left at my house for almost 3 years.”
“I have repeatedly contacted him and his sister to try and return the flag to them since it was their Dad’s funeral flag and he was a retired military vet, and he has since passed away.”
“The last time I had contacted the sister was probably about a year ago.”
“I asked for her address because I was going to send her the flag.”
“I was tired of holding onto it.”
“Well, she never got back to me.”
“A year has passed since the last time I tried to make contact.”
“Well, I didn’t know exactly what to do with the flag, so I got hold of a friend who is also retired from the military, and I asked them for advice on what to do with it.”
“He said to give it to him, he would be able to take care of it for me, and so I did just that.”
“That was about 3 or 4 months ago.”
“Well, today I got a message from my sister asking about the flag, and I told her I didn’t have it anymore, and she blew up at me about it.”
“Said I was stealing from her, and it wasn’t my right to get rid of it, and pressuring me for the guy’s information to contact him.”
“I told her no, I wasn’t going to give her his information because he doesn’t know her, and I don’t think he would be comfortable with me giving out information like that to a stranger.”
“So I refused.”
“She got upset and said, ‘ What if it was my dad’s flag and I told her, ‘Well, if it was me in your situation, and it was that important to me, I would have prioritized getting the flag back.”
“So my question is Am I An A**hole for giving away the flag?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for giving away the flag.
Everyone agreed that if the flag was as important and precious as the ex of the OP’s sister claimed, then she and her brother shouldn’t have let it sit unclaimed for three years:
“NTA.”
“Military veteran here.”
“You did more than your due diligence trying to return the flag.”
“It wasn’t important to them until they decided they could make a big deal out of it.”
“You did the right thing.”- subsailor1968
“NTA.”
“You gave them every opportunity to get the flag.”
“You gave it to someone who can dispose of it properly.”
“Its not like you tossed it in the trash.”
“Move on.”- partsgoddess
“If it were important, they would have responded to you sooner, and the sister knows this, which is why she is lashing out.”
“She doesn’t want to admit this is her own fault.”
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing giving it to another vet.”- small-black-cat-290
“NTA.”
“They ignored your attempts to give back the flag for three years?”
“Hell with them.”- WestCovina1234
“NTA.”
“Don’t feel guilty.”
“It was a crappy situation.”
“Blame the family’s initial lack of response for this.”
“You also did the right thing by giving it to someone who will honor it, instead of throwing it out.”-tempo06
“NTA, they had three years to get it from you when you tried to give it back.”
“Better yet, your ex should never have left it behind to begin with.”
“At this point, it was abandoned and yours to do with as you want, and you very respectfully gave it to another veteran to take care of.”- RefrigeratorRare4463
“NTA.”
“You did your due diligence.”
“It’s not your fault the family didn’t care enough to do something sooner.”
“Three years is plenty of time for them to fetch their treasured belongings.”
“And, good for you taking care to handle the flag so respectfully.”
“Many people would not.”- arizonaraynebows
“NTA.”
“Must not have been that important if they let it go that long.”
“Kinda sad actually.”- Ok-Bumblebee6881
“Hard NTA.”
“You did everything you could do to see the flag returned.”
“Then, when that failed, you still went out of your way to find a way to pass it on respectfully.”
“What else are you meant to do?”
“It’s not your flag, you’re under no obligation to keep it indefinitely.”- Remarkable-Intern-41
“NTA tbey abandoned the flag.”
“They are lucky you didn’t throw it in the trash.”
“Maybe contact your friend yourself, if he’s just taking care of it maybe he’ll be willing to give it back and then you can give it to that woman – it’s the decent thing to at least try, even if you’d be in your rights not to.”- z-w-throwaway
“NTA.”
“You are not a free storage facility, and you did more than your due diligence.”- UngnomeCawler
“NTA.”
“You’re better than me, I would have hung up the moment she raised her voice.”- ThickShortGirl
“NTA.”
“You did what you could to return it.”
“Did you ask the sister why she took over a year to reply to your request to solve the flag drama?”
“Block her and move on with your peaceful life, free of her family.”- clrthrn
“NTA: if they wanted it, they could have contacted you last year.”- itbelikedat78
“NTA.”
“But you should have told her you’ll get back to her and not call her back for a year.”
“JK.”
“Actually telling her that was the right thing.”- Severe_Feedback_2590
“NTA.”
“There’s no way she didn’t already know that you gave it away when she called because she never gave a sh*t for the last three years until after you gave it away.”
“You’ve been dealing with this issue for over three years, and probably mentioned your frustration to a few people.”
“After you got rid of it, you probably mentioned to those same people that you had finally found an ethical solution.”
“At some point one of those people probably mentioned it to someone else, who then told her.”
“And there probably wasn’t any negative intent there – she may have brought up that you still had the stupid thing, and happened to say it to someone who knew that no, you had already taken care of the problem.”
“So then she called you, knowing full well it was gone, and asked you for it so she could gripe you out.”
“Block & ignore.”- KrofftSurvivor
“Most folks have not a single idea what to do with those flags, so they get hidden away and moth-eaten.”
“We donated ours to the American Legion; they don’t treat their flags nicely and let them fly 24-7, but that means they get tatty and need new ones on the regular.”
“Seemed like a good place for a veteran’s flag to be.”
“NTA for sending it along after trying to return it for years.”- 2dogslife
“NTA.”
“It’s been years, and they haven’t tried to get the flag back, even with your repeated attempts to return it.”
“It obviously isn’t important to them.”
“Most likely, the sister is only asking now because someone in her family asked about it, and it makes the sisters look bad that they left it with you after the break-up, even when you attempted to return it.”
“I think, after so long, it’s obvious they didn’t care about the flag or getting it back; it makes sense to pass it to someone military who would know what to do with it.”
“It’s even possible this will result in it being returned to the family, if there’s a way to trace which vet it was for.”
“In fact, maybe that’s the whole problem, it’s been a few months since you did this, maybe the vet you gave it to passed it to the right people who could trace the family it belonged to, and they returned it to the wife/parents/siblings or another child, which has got them wondering how that happened, so they brought it up to the sister who was supposed to have it, and now they’re panicking because they ‘lost’ the flag and don’t want to admit that.”- WhiteKnightPrimal
Most people treasure military funeral flags, as it serves as a reminder of the service, bravery, and sometimes sacrifice their family members gave to our country.
Leaving one to wonder why the OP’s ex didn’t make a point of taking it with them as soon as they moved out.
Tough as this lesson is, one has little doubt that the OP’s ex and his sister will make a point of keeping the things that matter to them closer at hand from now on.