The co-mingling of business and personal relationships can be a fragile process to navigate.
Everyone wants to keep everything professional and not personal.
But more often than not, the combination brings out problems that cause hurt feelings.
Trying to mend those fences isn't easy.
Redditor Less_Assistant2247 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not telling my friend's partner that she didn't get the job at my company?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So I've taken over the family business along with my sister."
"Recently, a friend of mine, whom I always considered a very good friend, started just distancing himself."
"Yesterday I found out what it was."
"A few months ago, we opened a position in our company, and one of the resumes was [friend's] G[irl]F[riend] (she did not know when she applied that it was my company)."
"In order to keep it professional, I wasn't involved in the process."
"My sister did the interview."
"It was actually kind of awkward because."
"As she was leaving the building, I was walking in, but I pretended I didn't see her because she faltered in her step."
"Clearly recognizing me, she said hello, and I just said hello back and kept going like I didn't recognize her, which could've been genuine since I have not been in a lot of gatherings with her, honestly."
"Anyway, we ended up going with another person for the job."
"Apparently friend's GF sent an email asking for any updates a few weeks after the interview, but we never responded to her."
"My sister deals with the e-mails usually."
"My friend is mad at me and said he is greatly disappointed in my handling of the situation."
"That he was fine with her not being picked, but that I not even bothering to send an e-mail and tell her she didn't get the job is unacceptable in his opinion, considering we are such good friends."
"I told him I was just keeping it professional and unbiased."
"He said it's totally fine that she wasn't picked, it was about the fact I didn't bother to send the feedback and that I pretended not know her when she was just saying 'Hi.'"
"He is one of those people who, when he is done with you, he is done; he doesn't want to fight, but he clearly doesn't want to associate much with me anymore."
"I think he's just salty on behalf of his GF, but I need opinions on this."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
"Yeah, I think YTA."
"Removing yourself from the process was the right thing to do, but there was no reason to pretend not to know her."
"I also would have told my friend that I saw that she applied and that I was letting someone else do the interviews to remain unbiased."
"Instead, you were weird and evasive."
"Sis is the AH, too, for not following up."
"It's super rude when companies do that." ~ Glassgrl1021
"Yeah, it doesn't matter if you know someone or not."
"Any person or company that doesn't let you know the outcome of an interview is automatically AHs." ~ Comfortable-Battle18
"Even though this is an absolutely correct statement, it is the typical way in the US."
"Groveling for jobs and companies not giving a hot damn about the people who just want to know."
"OP, please talk to the family ownership about this."
"This is something you could take a positive step forward."
"Even if you guys just shift to say if you do not hear from us by x, you will know we have chosen another person."
"That at least gives a clear timeline for the applicants."
"OP is NTA, but the job industry really is."
"So is the sister." ~ cyberman0
"It's quite easy to set up a form email that can't be auto-sent to the candidates who did not get the job."
"These companies have zero excuses for ghosting candidates, particularly the ones who've actually made it through to the interview process and take time out of their schedule to meet with the hiring managers." ~ sportsfan3177
"Agreed. It's somewhat understandable (though still a bit of a d**k move) if the company has a massive profile and a gazillion applications to sort through."
"When it's a smaller family company, though, and only say... ten or twenty people on the shortlist for interview."
"You really ought to be sending them emails that thank them for attending the interview and then follow up with an outcome."
"It is rude to leave people hanging." ~ Normal-Height-8577
"Ignoring her was extremely odd."
"I'd kind of get it if OP was high in a company that's not family owned and she doesn't want to come off like she has a bias for any of the candidates, but that's still silly because she specifically asked not to be a part of the hiring process to avoid favouritism."
"There's really no logical explanation!"
"I think OP's friend just realised what his friend is like to other people, and he didn't like it." ~ snow_sefid
"Agreed. There's professionalism, and then there's a complete lack of empathy or politeness."
"He was both rude and lacked enough empathy to simply tell her she didn't get it."
"Letting her sit and hope for weeks when in fact the decision had already been made is just mean, and honestly, he just acted super immature throughout." ~ PrinceCastanzaCapone
"Your company's policy to not let candidates know they weren't chosen sucks, so I agree with your friend."
"Getting all the way to an interview and then being ghosted while waiting and hoping for a positive answer is really hard."
"It's not that difficult to even just send an email saying, 'thank you for applying, but we went with someone else.'"
"Don't leave people hanging like that."
"It may not be a big deal to you when considering new hires, but it is a very big deal to the person who applies and then comes in for an interview."
"I have to wonder what other ways you are cluelessly inconsiderate to those you hire?" ~ Sea_Register1095
"I still hold a minor grudge against a company I interviewed with."
"I got all the way to final round interviews, and then they ghosted me until two months later when I finally got a form email (not even signed by any of the people I'd been through a few interviews with) informing me they'd gone with another candidate."
"OP should just type up a simple 'thanks for your interest, but we're going with someone else' email to reply with when doing hiring and be done with it." ~ theagonyaunt
"Yes, OP is indeed a huge AH."
"And so is his sister, and so is his company."
"A similar thing happened to me, except I was actively recruited by someone I knew at a firm."
"One of my best friends' spouses was in charge of hiring (the spouse was not the one who recruited me)."
"After two rounds of interviews and a very positive comment from the person who recruited me, insinuating that I would be getting an offer, they completely ghosted me."
"Because of the ghosting, I am no longer friends with my now former friend, whose spouse was in charge of hiring."
"The spouse should've been the person to contact me."
"If he didn't have the good grace to do it, the person who recruited me should have."
"And I am 100% sincere when I say I was not upset that I wasn't hired."
"In retrospect, I would've hated it there — this whole episode taught me a lot about the firm's culture."
"I was upset that they ghosted me after they recruited me."
"It was so incredibly unprofessional."
"I believe the person who recruited me really wanted me, but the firm just couldn't justify bringing on someone else, and they were probably embarrassed that they'd wasted my time."
"And seriously, you shouldn't waste someone's time, and if you have, you should be professional and let them know that you aren't in a position to hire anyone."
"It absolutely ruined my relationship with my former very good friend."
"She defended him and said he didn't do anything wrong."
"I guess she and OP would be on the same page." ~ Normal_Matter2496
"YTA. But your friend's reasoning - 'considering we are such good friends' - is misguided."
"The reason you and your sister are a-holes is NOT that this particular applicant deserved a personal reply based on her status as your friend's girlfriend."
"The reason you and your sister are a**holes is that this woman was a job applicant - what's more, an applicant good enough to make it all the way to interview stage! - and STILL neither of you could be bothered telling her that she was unsuccessful."
"Not even one line via email."
"I've applied for many jobs during my working life, and I came to detest employers who never bothered to reply."
"Every applicant deserves a reply, no matter how brief."
"It means they can then stop holding on to hope for that job, and direct their efforts elsewhere."
"Three times you said that you tried to be professional."
"True professionals don't ghost job applicants."
"Only a**holes do."
"Do better." ~. ThisWillAgeWell
Reddit has issues with your actions, OP.
You had no malicious intent.
In fact, you were just trying your best in an awkward situation.
But it feels like, perhaps, your communication skills are sorely lacking.
Maybe try to have a serious heart-to-heart with this friend and his GF.
And tell your sister to respond to emails.
Good Luck.
