One way or another, it becomes evidently clear during a first date whether or not there will be a second date.
Sometimes we might think things are going well, only for an awkward goodbye at the end, making it apparent that things didn't go quite as well as we hoped they might.
While other times, we know within the first five minutes or less that the chemistry just isn't there, and there simply is no future.
Occasionally resulting in things ending before the first date is even over.
Redditor HelpWanted0501 recently went on their first "first date" in some time.
Unfortunately, the date did not get off to the best start, with things only steadily going downhill.
Leading the original poster (OP) to take an early departure, making no secret of why they were bolding.
Having some guilt about their honesty, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my date off for treating it like a job interview?"
The OP explained why they called it quits on a recent first date:
"I (25 M[ale]) met this woman (29 F[emale]) on Bumble and went out with her yesterday."
"It's been a few months since I went on a date, and tbh I just wanted to get myself back out there so even if I wasn't 100% sure about this person, I decided to go in with an open mind and see what happened."
"Unfortunately it felt less like a date and more like she was interviewing me for a position."
"Throughout the whole date, which was over drinks and dinner, she asked specifics about my job such as what I do, how much I make, etc."
"She looked disappointed when I told her I was entry level and have only been working for a year, which I don't get why she's shocked that's pretty normal for 24-25 year old dudes in Canada since we mostly graduate at 23 here, it hasn't even officially been 2 years since my convocation yet."
"She also kept asking me how I'd react to certain scenarios such as what if my kid expressed a certain train of thought, etc."
"And she also asked when I was planning on having kids, which isn't something I'm even thinking about right now."
"None of my friends are tbh."
"My final straw was when she asked how much I exactly make."
"Wtf."
"At that moment I started laughing in disgust and told her I think it was time to end the date and got up."
"When she asked and tried getting me to stay, I told her she reminded me of my HR department and told her it was the worst first date I've been on in 5 years (unironically was)."
"She was shocked and I took that opportunity to simply pay my tab and leave without saying anything more."
"Looking back I feel a little bad."
"She looked really sad when I told her that and I wonder if I went a little too hard."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP did nothing wrong and had nothing to feel bad about.
While not everyone felt the OP needed to be as brutally honest as he was, everyone was otherwise in agreement that, as it was clear to the OP that there was no future, there was no point in prolonging what proved to be an uncomfortable evening for everyone:
"Oh!"
"Before we order dessert, I just need you to notarize your credit score, provide three personal references from your exes, and sign this NDA so you don't accidentally tell me your childhood dreams."
"NTA."
"I'm a little shocked she didn't ask you to pee in a cup before you even sat down at the table."
"Yeah, asking questions about salary on a first date?'
"With a 25 year old no less?"
"Seems pretty outside the bounds of polite behavior."- Travelerman310
"She is 29 and freaking the f*ck out."
"She thinks she is being efficient, and not wasting time, but in reality she has zero clue how to connect."- Janus9
"Don’t feel bad- that sounds absolutely awful."- 1justhavinfun
"Not the asshole at all!"
"This happened to me as well."
"I’m 35f and the entire first date, it was like the guy was interviewing me for a position i did not even want (mother of his unborn children)."
"He proceeded to tell me that if the relationship was successful, i should expect to have babies within the year because I didn’t have much time left."
"This is coming from a 40 year old man who was 'in between jobs' aka unemployed (I only found out during the date)."
"He and your date should get together!"- roastyhojichalatte
"NTA."
"I am a woman, and that was a job interview for a husband position for a stay at home mom/wife. NTA by a long shot."
"This was the first date?"
'She is desperately seeking a mate."- bibkel
"NTA."
"You did her a favor by being honest."
"The laughing was too much, but she needed to hear it because she will drive people away acting like that."- stallion8426
"When I read the title I thought you would have been the AH."
"Dates are meant to ask intentional questions to see if the relationship could ever go anywhere."
"For example, I think it should be normal to discuss potential kid timeline etc."
"That being said, I completely agree with you."
'Asking salary on first date is very rude and I draw the line there.'
"NTA."- EmuIcy3228
"NTA."
"But, to her credit... sounds like she wasn't on her phone/filming the whole time... which, you know... not bad!"- JackJeckyl
"She was way overboard but tbf, you're a guy almost fresh out of college dating a girl whose trying to have kids and a husband."
"Clearly she is just looking for a husband while you're looking for something more chill."- Chance-Click-3670
"NTA."
"But next time before it gets bad… jokingly say, what is this a job interview?"
"Let’s lighten up, what was your favorite cartoon as a kid?"
"Or something light fun & silly."
"You can try to lead the conversation to a better place."- howtobegeo
"If this were a Nora Ephron movie, you two would be getting married in five years or so, after bumping into each other at an art gallery or Starbucks."- Main-Assumption7554
"First dates are meant to vibe checks were you talk about your hobbies, what you do for work (or were you study etc), you don't talk about really personal stuff."
"She may not have intended to come off as rude but sometimes people need a reality check."
"You being honest may in fact be exactly what she needed to hear in order for her to correct her behavior moving forward for the next guy she meets."
"NTA and the fact that you feel bad over hurting her feelings proves to me at least that you're a good dude."
"You have your standards and you made them clear. "- ThatEntrepreneur1450
"NTA."
"I have been on this very date OP."
"It was immensely uncomfortable and quite impersonal."
"I didn't leave mid date but I also wasn't grilled quite to the same degree you were."
"It didn't leave me with the highest opinion of accountants."
"Lol."
"I think it's fair to ask questions about careers or life directions, priorities in life or that stuff, even financial situations if it's handled with some tact and basic respect."
"I don't think it's unreasonable to want a date that isn't treating you like a checklist."- Beyryx
"I think you were correct to be upset, and actually she should be rebuked."
"This attitude is so far from expectations that it needs to be made clear prior to the date."- fluffykitten55
"She shouldn't be asking salary on a first date."
"Maybe you were a bit crass about it but that's it."- CivilChaos
"29F?"
"She’s interviewing for a baby."
"NTA."- MaresATX
"Anytime someone asks how much money you make your reply should be 'that is an inappropriate question' then silence."
"We all need to stop answering inappropriate questions in order to be polite."- TheWorldofScience
Bottom line is, the OP simply wanted to get his toes wet again, while this date seemed determined to find her future spouse.
Pretty much making this date dead in the water before it even began.
Even so, regardless of one's age or gender, the questions the OP's date kept asking him seldom result in a second date.
Something she now might hopefully be well aware of ahead of her next "first date"...
