Anyone who has spent time on the dating scene has inevitably had a failed first date. From awkward conversations to inappropriate behavior, all kinds of things can happen that turn the date into a fail.
But it's becoming increasingly common for people to "test" their potential partner's, based on social media trends that test people's social reactions, patience, and more, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor thaigoodlife went on a first date, only to realize that he was likely being tested when his date stated she hadn't even left her house yet... ten minutes after the date was supposed to start.
When he finished his coffee, his potential date lashed out at him for not waiting for her, making it clear to the Original Poster (OP) that this particular relationship wasn't going to work.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for dumping my date?"
The OP's date was very late for their first date together.
"I had a first date scheduled with a woman I met on a dating site. We agreed to meet for coffee at 2:00 PM. I arrived on time."
"At 2:10, she texted me and asked if I was at the cafe. I said yes, and she said she was at home but would leave soon and be there in 20 minutes. Basically, her text implied she was waiting to make sure I was there before she bothered to leave home."
"I was put off. I took the risk she wouldn't show up and came on time. She should have to. Am I wrong?"
The OP decided the date wasn't worth waiting for.
"I finished my coffee and left at 2:30. She still wasn't there."
"I kind of wanted to find out if she actually went to the cafe or if she was actually standing me up."
"So I waited until she confirmed she arrived safely at the cafe and I got the entertainment value of knowing she was sitting there by herself before I blocked her. I can be petty too when the situation calls for it, lol (laughing out loud)."
"At 2:45, I got a text from her wanting to know where I was. I said, 'I finished my coffee and left at 2:30 when you still weren't there as promised.'"
"She sent a series of nasty texts, telling me how awful I was and how I did everything wrong. I should have texted her and told her I was leaving, etc."
The OP was surprised at the woman's reaction.
"AITAH? Do women really expect men to sit and wait 45 minutes for them to arrive late, when the only reason they are late is to make you wait?"
"It sure seemed like it was a game or sh*t test. Either way, she failed my tests."
"I'd sure like to hear from the women on this one."
"AITAH?"
The OP also offered a few quick clarifications in the comments.
"For those asking why I didn't leave right away, I had already ordered a cup of coffee. I love coffee and didn't see the sense in letting it go to waste."
"When she texted at 2:10 and said she was still at home, I pretty much decided to leave when I finished my coffee, whether or not she was there. I just don't get what she was trying to do or what she was expecting me to do."
"She's 33 years old. I wonder if she's done this before and what she expects to gain from it. It's just juvenile. Do other men really put up with it is the other question."
"I just don't understand what the point of her game was. I'd still like to understand. It's such a major red flag. It was definitely not a subtle or sophisticated game. It really blew up on her."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his date was way out of line, no matter her motivations.
"I am a woman… she was out of line to think anyone would wait over 15 minutes for her."
"If her car broke down or had another emergency, that would be understandable, but this is just plain rude. NTA." - Far-Juggernaut8880
"Yeah, as a woman, I am absolutely disgusted by this behavior. If she doesn't have respect for your time, why would you put any effort into waiting for her?"
"NTA." - geekylace
"NTA. You were very gracious to stay as long as you did. You were on time. She deliberately wasted your time. Hold your head high. The fault is all with her."
"By the way, I am a woman." - imnotk8
"NTA. No, women don't expect this. Entitled people do. It was very considerate of you to wait at all after what she pulled." - dreamsinred
"NTA."
"I'm a woman and I would have left too. F**k that noise. People who are chronically late are selfish because they think no one else's time matters."
"Now, if she had had a legitimate reason, like her car broke down, an accident, family emergency, that would be different. But she clearly thinks her time is more precious than anyone else's." - Caspian4136
"From a woman's perspective, you're NTA. She was extremely inconsiderate of your time, if she had said there was some kind of emergency that's different. Just leaving you hanging like that isn't right. I hope you enjoyed your cup of coffee even if you didn't get the date you thought you were." - FoxyLocksy1704
Others agreed and stated that the date clearly wasn't worth the OP's time.
"I did something similar to a guy once because he had shown up at least 20 minutes late to our two previous dates with no excuse (yeah, I know, I should have ended it when it happened the first time, but I was 19 and desperate to get a boyfriend)."
"I definitely didn't make him wait 45 minutes, but I waited to head to the date until he asked where I was. He actually wasn't mad about it at all, which demonstrates he didn't see anything wrong with him doing it to me."
"We didn't date for very long, he ended things with me right before our next date (I was such an id**t) because he made things exclusive with another girl he was seeing, then tried to hook up with me a few months later when she was out of town during spring break."
"Some people are just not worth your time. Kudos to you op for not letting her get away with this behavior." - lowkeydeadinside
"She would have been at least 45 minutes late for your scheduled meet and greet. That's a sh*tty first impression. I don't blame you one bit."
"As a woman, I don't expect ANY guy to sit around for 45 minutes waiting for my princess ass to show up. Especially since it was the first date!"
"I don't blame you for leaving and getting on with the day. I mean she's not the f**king queen of Sheba. NTA." - Due_Temperature6603
"NTA, OP. I would have said, 'Hey, no worries. I'll be gone by the time you get here, so don't bother.' Then, I'd follow up later with a, 'Is this your standard approach to coffee dates' query." - BodaciousVermin
"NTA and consider this a bullet dodged. She's playing bulls**t games before even the first date."
"And even if she wasn't 'playing games' (which she likely was) she set a precedent of being terrible with time. what a bad first impression. OP, NTA." - JosKarith
"I want to make it very clear that this is not a gender issue, it's an a**hole issue. It can come from any gender."
"You absolutely made the right call to leave. She started things off with a power play just to see if she could. And oh, boy, is she mad that you didn't let her walk all over you."
"F**k people like this. I'm a woman and I can not stand it when people don't respect my time. It's a massive peeve of mine when people are late. It's even worse when they're deliberately late, like she was."
"You actually had more patience than I would have. NTA." - I_Dont_Take_Rice
"NTA, and you saved yourself a lot of time. I'm guessing she wanted to see how much you would put up with… and you answered that question. She's looking for the kind of guy who will let her waste his time, and fortunately, that's not you." - ambystromboli
"NTA. This woman was a triple AH. First, she not only was not there on time, she called you 10 minutes late, when she was still presumably 20 minutes away. That was rude."
"Secondly, she didn't even make the second deadline - she was 15 minutes after the time she said."
"And finally, she blamed you for not being a doormat."
"Well, now you know: You are not a doormat; this woman expects a doormat; you want nothing to do with her. You should have blocked her after the first nasty text." - DawnShakhar
"NTA. You dodged a bullet. First, she texted 10 minutes late asking if you were there, so yeah, it sounds like a test. But when I've been 'tested' like that (still a bullshit thing to do) the person was within a minute away, she was still at her house."
"Even then she showed up 15 minutes PAST her new delayed time. Yeah, I'm glad that you didn't stay. In the end, she was 45 minutes late without excuse, and instead of apologizing she blasted you for it."
"You definitely dodged a bullet there, man!" - AtomicBlastCandy
As far as first-date disasters go, this was really tame, and it was clear that the OP wasn't wrong for leaving the date when his time wasn't being respected.
Even though his date was angry with him for not waiting for her, it was clear either her time management was terrible, or she had little respect for other people's time, neither quality of which most people would want to take into a relationship.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.