There are only a few ingredients that every relationship needs in order to be healthy and to last.
Trusting each other is one of the biggest ingredients, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, as was clear communication.
Redditor Elegant_Air_3830 dismissed all of that while his girlfriend was on a family vacation in Italy, where she showed her love for motorcycles by talking to a guy about his and accepting a ride from him, though it seemed pretty obvious that he was interested in her.
Believing that she was leading the man on, and not trusting that more didn’t happen behind-the-scenes, the Original Poster (OP) quickly turned his girlfriend into an ex.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend for riding a motorcycle with another guy?”
The OP’s girlfriend did something questionable on her trip to Italy.
“My now-ex-girlfriend went on a summer trip to Italy with her parents. While on the trip, she posted a selfie of herself on the back of a motorcycle with her hands wrapped around a guy’s waist.”
“I responded essentially with ‘??? Who is that,’ and she responded saying she complimented a guy on his bike (she’s into motorcycles and knows a lot about them), and he responded, saying he could give her a ride.”
“She said she could tell he was being flirty but she went along with it because she liked motorcycle rides.”
“According to her, he ended up dropping her off.”
The OP didn’t agree with his ex’s choices.
“I don’t know if I believe that, but either way, I find it weird to accept a ride from a random guy and put your arms around his waist and all.”
“She said that she wasn’t trying to hide anything and didn’t do anything shady, because if she were, she wouldn’t have openly posted about it.”
The OP wasn’t sure if he’d made the right choice.
“I still think that’s a crazy thing to do while having a boyfriend, so I broke up with her, but I’m considering whether I was being unreasonable.”
“Trust is the main reason for my breaking up with her. Whether fair or unfair, I don’t trust her anymore because of the things she admitted to doing (going off alone with him, knowing he’s into her, encouraging him to believe he has a chance with her) are actions that lead me to distrust her. That would be the case whether something more happened or not.”
“She’s allowed to do whatever she wants. I just think I reserve the right to feel however I want about it. My logic is just that it’s disrespectful to let people flirt with you and let them think they have a chance when they shouldn’t.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some considered the OP to be the AH and were glad to see the relationship end, since the OP was so insecure.
“His goals don’t define her goals. If you don’t trust her, for whatever reason, hers or yours, the motorcycle ride is really not the issue here. YTA.” – flowergirl0110
“Who cares? She was on vacay in Italy, she’s into bikes, the guy had a cool bike, and he offered her a ride. If that’s all it was, what’s the problem?” – Typingperson1
“I’ve taken plenty of girls for motorcycle rides just for fun, without other intentions. Hands around waist, always. Safety, nothing else. I never felt insecure enough to read anything more into it. YTA.” – Ok_Mammoth_1867
“I knew a girl who dumped HER BF because he gave another girl a ride.”
“I don’t know why, and it doesn’t make sense, but it seems like there’s something intimate about it.”
“NTA. I’m surprised so many people agree, this being Reddit and all. But there you have it.” – Uhtred_McUhtredson
“I don’t know, bro, if she banged him or had intentions of it, she wouldn’t take a selfie or tell you. I’d give her another chance, bro. She just made a mistake, not realizing how insecure her man is…”
“I am equally insecure, no judgement, bro, just the truth.” – No_Weird_4711
“I would say she got a lucky break when you broke up with her. One of my brothers lived in Italy for seven years, and when we visited, random strangers offered rides, etc. Like, hitchhiking is still pretty safe there.”
“First, you do hold the motorcycle driver around the waist for safety reasons. And relatively tightly. Second, she was on holiday and having fun.”
“As you chose not to believe it was innocent fun, breaking up was probably the best thing for you. Also, probably the best thing for her.” – Frequent-Life-4056
But others agreed with the OP and felt that trust was an important component.
“That dude 100% took her for a ride because he wanted to f**k. Since she was aware of that and still got on, then yeah, nope, I’m out. NTA.” – Silent-Scarcity1879
“NTA. I’m not okay with taking drinks from or dancing with other guys. The drink or ask to dance is them saying they want to f**k, and accepting is saying you’re open to the idea.”
“The same goes for your ex-girlfriend and this. Whether she was open to it or not is irrelevant, because she made it seem like she was so she could get something out of the guy. Gross.” – DFWPunk
“To be fair, she told OP she could tell the guy’s intentions were to get her into bed.”
“Personally, if we’d been dating a while and I was serious about her, and weren’t other issues, seems a good conversation about accepting things from or being alone with people who are actively trying to bang would solve this one.”
“But the relationship boundary issue aside, she went off alone with a strange man in a foreign country. If my wife did that, I’d be worried that she’s way too naive or lax about her own safety.” – PerfectionPending
“NTA, If I posted a selfie with some random girl on my motorcycle because she wanted a ride, I would fully expect my gf to be upset and rightfully so.” – 2steppin_317
“My wife can’t ride anymore due to a neck injury. This is why my bike has no back seat, no back foot rests, and only about four inches of back fender. I tell my wife if anybody ever says another woman was on the back of my bike, they are either lying or she is very, very dedicated!” – BK5617
“I hate it when partners think it is a great idea to purposefully p**s off the other for some weird ‘see other people still want me, so you need to appreciate me more’ behavior. NTA.” – Successful_B***h107
“It can be intimate. Really depends on the situation and bike. But for a lot of bikes, the pillion/passenger is literally hugging the rider’s crotch to a**.”
“Friend of a friend sees your bike in the parking lot after a get-together and asks for a quick ride around the block? No issues.”
“Going up to a random dude, strike up a convo, he flirts with you, offers you a ride, and then you go on a ride? That’s for sure not alright.” – FoxyWheels
“It’s intimate regardless. You’re trusting another person with your life. It’s more intimate than a car.”
“Most people also wouldn’t be happy about their partner getting a car ride from a random foreigner who wanted to f**k their partner, either, though.”
“I think it has more to do with entertaining a person and using their feelings to gain something from them. It’s icky.” – Willing_Ear_7226
Some also pointed out that they weren’t sure they’d want to date someone with such poor survival instincts anyway.
“When you are in a relationship, you need to be able to trust your partner to be around people of the opposite sex. That being said, even if her motives for going for a ride were innocent, it’s terrible judgment to ride off with a stranger in a foreign country.” – Chainsawest
“Wait, so, you’re more upset about the flirting than her literal life being in danger by catching rides with male strangers on her own? She could have been murdered, but you only cared about how it affected you? I’m glad the trash took itself out…” – Outrageous_Wind_6680
“Forget the flirt, she’s literally getting in a vehicle by herself with a male stranger. This is how traveling horror stories begin. Don’t hitch rides with strangers.” – Loud-Pie-8608
“NTA, she’s fully willing to get herself in potentially hazardous situations. Disregard the scandalous assumption people make with how close she’s getting to that guy.”
“It doesn’t matter if it was just the ride or not. You’re perfectly justified in saying you’re not accepting that behavior.” – VARifleman2013
“NTA. It’s crazy… She didn’t go, ‘Gee, I have no real knowledge of this place. I should totally have this random person who is flirting with me, drive me, lord knows where. Nothing bad has ever happened from something like that, right?'”
“She’s not great at making decisions. Probably not the best person to date.” – Ok-Secretary455
This breakup left the subReddit totally divided, as they couldn’t agree about what the bigger issue here was: a lack of security and trust, or a lack of respect.
On the one hand, the ex-girlfriend didn’t have to accept a ride from someone she wasn’t dating, especially when the guy made it clear that he was interested in her. But on the other hand, she could only control what she did, not how other people felt about her, and the relationship could only have lasted if they both practiced trust and communication.