Taking credit for someone else’s idea is wrong, plain and simple.
For one thing, doing so is disrespectful, even hurtful, to the person who actually came up with it.
It could also land you in a lot of trouble.
Even amongst your nearest and dearest.
Redditor Far-Oven-6023 and their husband were recently enjoying a family gathering.
Much to the surprise of the original poster (OP), their sister-in-law (SIL) made a suggestion that the OP’s mother-in-law (MIL) came up with an idea that was very much the OP’s.
Even more surprising, the OP’s MIL didn’t deny this suggestion, but even confirmed it, prompting the OP to call her out in a very public manner.
After getting some resistance from their husband, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for correcting my MIL at a family gathering that she didn’t recommend my daughter’s name, it was my favorite name?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to publicly call out their MIL’s lies:
“I’ve been married to my husband for almost two years, and our daughter is 11 months old.”
“When we found out we were having a girl, one of the names that was immediately a top contender was the name of a character I really like in a very popular book/movie franchise.”
“My husband is a huge fan of the franchise too, and with time, that name just became the only one that I wanted, and we landed on it and then told our parents about it.”
“I remember my MIL questioning whether phonetically there would be an alternative spelling that could cause confusion, and I had said no, it wouldn’t, and had explained to her the subtle difference in pronunciation, and it was a whole conversation I’d had with her.”
“Last weekend we were at my in-laws’ place for dinner, my BIL and SIL were there too.”
“So we were watching my daughter cruising along the room, using the couches as support and looking at us to see if we were looking and then laughing.”
“My BIL’s wife had remarked how radiant she looked and how she’d really taken to her name literally. My SIL then said that it was a really good choice by my MIL.”
“I was confused, I asked what she was talking about, and my SIL said that my MIL had been the one to recommend the name, right?”
“My MIL then said yeah that she’d said it’s a good name.”
“I was literally stunned for a second and then made it clear that I’d come up with the name, how I’d known of it, and that my husband also knew of that character, and that we were dead set on the name, there were no recommendations to be had.”
“I asked my husband to corroborate the story, which he did, uncomfortably.”
“My MIL said names are a collective family effort, and everyone pitched in, but I still said this name was one that was very dear to me and it was one I’d come up with.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed on that a second time?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“When we came home and were in bed, my husband had been getting texts from his mom and sister.”
“He said I was right in my account of what had happened, but he also told me I’d been tactless, that we know it was my name, and our daughter has a beautiful name that suits her, why make it into something that causes bitterness.”
“And today he had a phone call with his mom, just a regular one.”
“I asked if she was still pissed, he said she was.”
“He said that he understood why I did it, but it wasn’t the time and place.”
“Was I TA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for correcting their MIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s MIL needed to be called out for her dishonesty, particularly after she gave the OP push back for the name choice she tried to take credit for, with some more than a little dismayed that the OP’s husband didn’t stick up for her more:
“She’s pissed that she got called out on a stupid lie?”
“Easy solution to that is she shouldn’t have lied.”
“NTA.”- Not_Good_HappyQuinn
“‘He said that he understood why I did it but it wasn’t the time and place’.”
“Did he happen to share with you when would have been a better time to correct your mother-in-law’s revisionist history and why he didn’t have a word with her and correct her himself?”
“Big fat, NTA.”- quincebush
“NTA.”
“You had every right to correct your SIL and your MIL.”
“Naming your daughter wasn’t a collective family effort.”
“She was way out of line and has no right to be pissed off.”
“You know my sister suggested the names for 2 of my kids, and not once did she ever say that she named them.”
“Your MIL needs to get over herself, and your husband needs to start acting like your husband and have your back.”- Smarterthanuthink867
“NTA.”
“Ouch – you have a husband problem.”
“Your MIL is the one making up fantasies about how she chose names.”
“You simply told the truth and cleared that nonsense up.”
“It was the time, and the place.”- alien_overlord_1001
“NTA.”
“The time and place is when it happens, that’s what you did.”
“If you leave it, you get ‘well you didn’t seem to have a problem with it before’.”
“Your husband needs to grow some backbone when it comes to his family.”- Jane_Angst
“NTA.”
“Husband should have had your back.”- Wonderful_Two_6710
“You know, it’s really too bad when people like your mother-in-law can’t handle the truth.”
“But they should learn.”
“It was your MIL who was insisting that no it was her ownership, that it was a collective family effort – what BS!”
“What couple wants their child’s name to be a collective effort?!”
“You are NTA, it is your mother-in-law and your husband who are the a****** here.”
“Yes, I said your husband, because he must have already known this, there’s no way SIL refers to it as MIL’s doing without your husband knowing about this.”
“At least hearing about it.”
“To the husband who I proclaim the a****** here:”
“So husband you should have shut this s*** down earlier!”
“In fact, you should have shut your mom down a long time ago on this type of thing, and you haven’t done it.”
“Absolutely at least you can protect your wife from your mom, and you are failing.”
“Yes failing in that regard!”
“You sir are supposed to take the family heat on your wife!”
“Do it!”
“Its not like you disagreed with her or she’s wrong so WTF with you not backing her up all to appease your mother?”
“EPIC fail on tossing your wife under the bus here, at least mentally, neither one of you should be subject to your mother taking credit for something you both decided far before then!”
“I’m sure your wife doesn’t want to hear this story for the rest of her goddamn life, when it’s not even true, so get your balls out of your mom’s purse, and attach them to your marriage instead, and remind your mom gently when it is yours to do that, like EVERY TIME.”
“You don’t have your wife’s back, you’re trying to make her less to make your mom bigger?”
“What kind of crappy partnering is that?”
“You’re allowing your mother to rewrite your own personal family’s narrative, and your wife is rightfully angry at this -because it’s a lie!”
“Get in line with the truth, and protect your own nuclear family, not your mother’s ego and the status quo.”
“If you have to shake things up, too f****** bad- do it.”
“Stop being a coward, write the true family narrative, stop appeasing your mother, and start supporting your wife!”- Mandaravan
“NTA.”
“Honestly, the fact that your MIL ever gave anyone the idea that it came from her is evidence enough that it needed to be corrected immediately.”
“If she didn’t lie and take credit, then she wouldn’t need to be corrected.”
“I say the correction was the natural consequenc,e and your double-down was a result of her not being truthful.”
“But like now I really just want to know her name!”
“I am such a name nerd, so I am just going to pick my own character name for her to have.”
“I also think you probably wouldn’t have pushed it if she were someone who loved to let others shine, versus her being the person who needs all the attention.”
“But then, If she let others shine, she would have corrected your SIL herself.”- LibrarianOwl
The OP’s husband wasn’t entirely wrong in that the OP didn’t have to call his mother out in the way she did.
Even so, the damage was done, as the OP’s MIL revealed her dishonest, untrustworthy nature in no uncertain terms to both her son and daughter-in-law.
One can only imagine that even if the OP hadn’t called their MIL out, their husband wouldn’t have felt much better, as he still witnessed his mother lying in front of everyone.