Everyone has their beliefs about various human and animal rights concerns.
But in today’s political climate, there are some places where it isn’t safe to announce your beliefs, especially when they differ from the majority of the population, cautioned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SimpleAd9881’s wife held many political beliefs and wanted to express them through a series of stickers she’d recently gotten for her car.
But because they lived in the South, the Original Poster (OP) was concerned about his wife and children’s safety if she put the stickers on her car.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my wife put certain stickers on her car?”
The OP’s wife recently purchased multiple political items.
“My wife (24 Female) and I (29 Male) have been together for five years, and I’m the main provider while she stays at home with our children, including our two-month-old daughter.”
“My wife is an artist and makes a decent income, but she hasn’t made much lately because she’s focusing on our family. I make good money, so I don’t mind paying for everything because she’s keeping our home in order. We both have cars we drive, and I pay for both.”
“My wife is very, very outspoken about things she believes in, and makes her opinions known. Recently, she purchased a bunch of car stickers that are politically motivated, including a pro-choice sticker, a sticker advocating for the LGBTQ+ community, and a very, very hot topic recently, Palestine.”
“She says she purchased these because the proceeds for all the stickers go to a charity for the designated community.”
When his wife wanted to put them on her car, the OP was concerned.
“I asked her what she was planning on doing with them, like putting them on her laptop, or her water bottle, or what, and she said she planned on putting them on her car.”
“I told her I couldn’t let her do that because we live in the Deep South, where the current political climate is a bit messy. She is also a small woman with three young children, and people will see her as an easy target for aggressive behavior. She could also possibly be putting our children in harm’s way if someone takes offense to any of these stickers.”
The OP’s wife felt that he was trying to control her.
“She got upset and said I was trying to police what she can and can’t advocate for publicly, and that she is an adult and can make choices for herself and our children and is able to handle any negative situations that could happen.”
“I told her she couldn’t put the stickers on the car, and I wouldn’t let her make that choice alone because they’re our children.”
“She just scoffed and said we would continue this conversation later and went to our baby’s nursery.”
“My sister says I’m being an a**hole, trying to dictate what my wife can and can’t do in public, and that if someone were to get aggressive over her stickers, that’s a them problem and I shouldn’t treat my wife like a child, but I don’t think I am.”
“AITAH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some political Redditors reassured the OP that they wouldn’t put their beliefs on their cars, either.
“I am also outspoken and support your wife’s positions. However, road rage is too much of a personal risk anywhere in the US in our current political climate. I hope that your wife eventually agrees with you.” – Dulcimore51
“I live in the far north of the US, but we still have plenty of lifted trucks going up and down the main streets with…certain flags… streaming from them.”
“I’m a very politically-motivated person, but I don’t put anything like that on my vehicle because people are crazy, and I don’t want some psycho knifing my car tires in a parking lot or knifing me.” – onmywheels
“I learned in the early Obama days how unhinged people are. A friend had an Obama sticker on her car in 2007 in Kentucky, and we returned to her car with all of her tires slashed and the sticker scraped off and jammed into her car lock.”
“Things have only gotten more insane since… So I dare not put anything political on my car.” – whiskersMeowFace
“I’m a social worker, and I don’t shy from controversy. My house is COVERED in banners and signs regarding Nazism, the Statue of Liberty weeping, all of it (I’d attach a pic, but I can’t). But I won’t put stickers on my car.”
“I’m in a red pocket in upset NY, and people are rabid for Trump (my house isn’t vandalized because for some reason, everyone in my neighborhood thinks my boyfriend is a Marine (he’s not, it’s the neighbor’s kid, but it works for us).”
“People around here can be nuts, and I’ve made some snide MAGA comments that almost resorted in physical altercations. I’m an average-sized, half-Latina, middle-aged woman! So, no to anything that would give someone a reason to tailgate or confront me, I’ll be honest, that scares the s**t out of me.” – SnowflakeSWorker
“I’m a six-foot-two, 230-pound, retired professional MMA fighter that looks like a retired MMA fighter. I drive the stereotypical Black Ram. I literally look like the stereotype of the guy that would cause a problem wth OP’s wife.”
“Just saying that I’m not exactly scared of a confrontation, but also, that never happens to me. I’m in Canada, so I don’t worry about guns, and I’m not putting political s**t on my truck, especially in my field, as it wouldn’t align and I don’t need my s**t keyed or worse.”
“I’m not much for telling a significant other what they can and can’t do, but I absolutely side with OP in that his wife shouldn’t be putting herself and their kids in the crosshairs like this.” – gstringstrangler
“I just moved from a red state (the barely purplish red capital of it) to a very blue big city in a very blue state and I’m still astounded that I can walk down a residential block and see Black Lives Matter and Trans Rights are Human Rights signs on every other block, while seeing Trump stuff is so exceedingly rare that it’s started to surprise me already when I do see it.”
“Like, the proportions of each just fully swapped. I’m a bisexual, nonbinary, and intersex, neurodivergent person with physical disabilities, and I broke down the other day because, for the first time in years, I finally felt truly safe.”
“(Also, the public transit here is really good and everything is super accessible, so that helps a LOT.)”
“Admittedly, though, even here I wouldn’t put stickers on a vehicle if I still had one.” – medicalpurposeosonly
Others agreed with the OP but felt he needed to work on his approach.
“The problem here, from the sound of it, is that you’ve FORBADE her from doing it, rather than DISCUSSING it with her. Your concerns are understandable, but these are things she clearly cares deeply about. Your marriage should be a partnership, not an autocracy.” – AnarchyAutumn
“NTA, buuuut I’m concerned by how the OP likely brought this up to his wife, especially how much the OP talks about how much he pays for things, and she doesn’t.”
“When my husband was a stay-at-home Dad, I always thought of the stuff I paid for as our stuff, as it is a partnership and we both contribute in different ways.” – venusthrow1
“Why is he bringing up how much stuff costs? That really rubbed me the wrong way. Because he thinks of her car as his, because he is paying the bills while she takes care of the kids.”
“He doesn’t value her role as a stay-at-home mom as an equal contribution to the household. He thinks he deserves to be in charge because his name is on the paycheck.” – CalamityClambake
“OP, you need to fix your attitude about how YOU pay for things. You are a family, and your wife is doing significant and important labor.”
“Think of how much you would pay for childcare for three young children, and all the house management she does. If you were a single dad and worked, you would have to pay for all of this. Her labor allows you to work and live in a kept home.”
“She is not a dependent or a subordinate you get to boss around if you want to have a happy marriage and family. Her opinion matters and deserves to be heard, too.” – AskAJedi
“This whole post screams misogyny to me. You repeatedly make sure to tell us you are the provider as if that somehow means you get to make all her choices for her.”
“You said you ‘wouldn’t allow her to do that’ as if you were her father. News flash, buddy, you’re NOT her father. You are supposed to be her partner. You are supposed to be equal in your partnership.”
“At the very least, you need to work on the way you talk to her. I would NOT respond to this kind of language well at all. Although it appears to go beyond language. You appear to genuinely think you’re the boss. It’s pretty foul.”
“All of that being said, I don’t think the bumper stickers are a good idea. Instead of telling her what she can and cannot do, have a d**n conversation. Talk to her about your concerns, but don’t you dare try to decide for her.”
“You do not have that authority, no matter what you have decided to bestow upon yourself. You bring home the bacon, and she runs the entire household. 24/7, 365 days a year.”
“You get to come home and relax at the end of the day. Her job is never done, not even on vacation. So maybe get over yourself. YTA.” – WifeofBath1984
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“Update: I discussed with my wife and we came to an agreement.”
“I laid out all my concerns, and she said she saw my point and let hormones (keep in mind, she’s barely two months postpartum, and we have a three-year-old and an 18-month-old keeping her busy) and feelings get the better of her.”
“We are fine, we have made up. The stickers are going to go on her laptop and in her art studio.”
Some Redditors were not feeling any better after reading the OP’s update.
“The fact that he followed up with them coming to an agreement because she let her hormones and emotions get the better of her. Good lord.” – Ellen-CherryCharles
“I don’t think the OP is valuing his wife enough, especially because she could be making money but is choosing not to for her children’s sake. OP doesn’t get to ‘forbid’ this, and it’s weird that he’s framing this as having ANYTHING to do with how much money he makes.”
“That has absolutely nothing to do with the situation at all, and it’s clear OP thinks it does.”
“The update makes me feel even worse. They’ve ‘resolved’ this because she agreed to do exactly what OP wants. I’m sure he feels like he effectively shut her down and will be able to continue to do so.”
“What does your breadwinning status have to do with it?”
“You’re putting your money-making status on the table is really the wrong card to play here. She’s a stay-at-home mother, raising your children. You ‘don’t mind’ paying for everything?”
“This has nothing to do with the issue at hand. So maybe stop thinking your opinion wins because you bought the cars. The issue here is the safety of your family, not who gets to decide.”
“My hormones would be in a whirl if my husband wrote this.” – Nice_Rope_5049
“She was 19 and you were 24 when you got together, and by 24 years old, she’s had three kids, and you made sure to let everyone know that you ‘pay for everything,’ even though she DOES work, AND takes care of three kids three and under.”
“You ‘forbid her’ from putting what she wanted on her car, and you dismissed how she felt as ‘hormones.'”
“So the making up is just you getting your way instead of actually coming to an agreement. When you’re back here in a year or two, saying she’s left with the kids, remember this post.” – MissKQueenofCurves
“Question: Why did you feel the need to tell us that you’re the main financial provider and pay for both cars? And why are you tossing her hormones into your update?”
“I don’t disagree with your opinion and worry for her safety, but the way you went about this, telling her you couldn’t allow it, etc., does make you the a**hole.”
“Check your unconscious bias, babe; it sounds like you’re not treating your wife as an equal.” – Turbulent_Issue4434
While the subReddit could understand the OP’s concerns about his wife and children being put in harm’s way because of political expression, many were not convinced that those were the OP’s actual concerns.
The original post felt imbalanced between pointing out the wife’s political stances and the OP’s income, and the update emphasized the OP’s wife’s hormones and feelings. Because of this, some were concerned that the OP was more concerned about what the wife did with “his” property and how it impacted the resale value, rather than actually being concerned about anyone’s safety.
That all said, most could agree that the bumper stickers might invite trouble, and there were likely other ways the OP’s wife could express her beliefs that were safer, but they shouldn’t be presented to her as what she could and could not do.