There are significantly different expectations of a guest in someone’s home compared to a roommate.
Guests are being hosted in someone’s home and, as such, aren’t expected to do chores or make any financial contributions to the household.
Roommates, on the other hand, are full-time residents of a home, and thus are expected to contribute to its maintenance and upkeep, including financially.
It’s for these reasons that it’s always a good idea to make it’s always clear whether someone is a guest or a roommate, as they are two distinct lines that can be easily blurred.
The wife of Redditor N_dubz_sweeb who had a friend had fallen on hard times.
As a result, the original poster (OP) and his wife opened their home to her until she could get back on her feet.
However, when this friend’s stay in their home continued to extend, the OP felt that changes needed to be made.
Having some doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my homeless friend out of my house?”
The OP explained why he lost his patience with his friend’s wife, who had been staying in their house:
{I (32 M[ale]) live with my wife (29 F[emale]) somewhere in France.”
“Earlier this year one of her close friends (30 F[emale]) got dumped by her boyfriend and he kicked her out.”
“She couldn’t go to her mom because she lives with her grandma and she said it was too stressful, but it could have still be an option, they live like 6 hours away by car from us.”
“My wife is very kind and invited her to stay with us during our wedding prep.”
“She slept in our room for 3 weeks and the night of our wedding.”
“It was supposed to be temporary, just until she figure things out.”
“Now it’s been 5 months.”
“She never said when she plan to leave.”
“I kept asking her to look for a job, but every time it looked like she was gonna start, she went on vacation instead.”
“We helped her update her résumé and even sent her profile to a few companies.”
“If we hadn’t done it for her, she would’ve lost her benefits completely.”
“She sent a total of 1 resume on her own in the last 10 month.”
“She lives in our living room, which is half of our flat.”
“She keeps the shutters closed all day until she wake up (12 or even 4PM) so we have no natural light.”
“My wife and I both work from home, we do meetings from the kitchen on a stool because we don’t want to wake her up.”
“She almost never does dishes or clean, and when she does, it’s half done.”
“I told her many times I don’t feel comfortable entering the living room while she sleeps, but nothing change.”
“Few months ago I finally asked ‘when are you leaving?'”
“She looked confused like ‘leaving what?'”
“I said ‘the apartment’.”
“She said initially she was planning for September (she never said a word about that) now maybe October.”
“I was so relieved because that talk was hard for me.”
“Then mid-September she left for few weeks without telling us, leaving all her stuff.”
“She texted the morning that she was coming back that day.”
“I asked ‘ok but then you leave right after?’”
“She said ‘what do you mean leave?’”
“I reminded her of our talk, she said she didn’t remember, then said she said ‘if I don’t find a job I’ll see what I can do during October’.”
“She didn’t say that.”
“We talked again recently.”
“I told her she uses ambiguity to her advantage and that her silence is driving me crazy.”
“She cried a lot but I still talked I tried to emphasize our feelings over hers during the conversation.”
“I made her acknowledge and tell me what she understood of the conversation, felt like she understood.”
“Fast forward to today, she still didn’t give me a date.”
“She just said ‘I think I leave next week and take my stuff in November’.”
“This time I said ‘no, you give me a date, and after that you’re not living here’.”
“She said ‘I don’t know’, which pissed me off and I told her that after the 1st of November she won’t be living here.”
“She said okay but later told my wife she was leaving ‘around November’.”
“Now I feel trapped in my own home and tired of this situation.”
“I know we could have be more firm with her by establishing rules when she moved in but AITA for kicking my homeless friend out of my house?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking their wife’s friend out of their house.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s friend had more than outstayed her welcome, and if she could afford to go on vacations, then she could either afford to pay rent or find a place of her own, with many curious as to why the OP’s wife wasn’t more vocal with her friend:
“NTA.”
“If she can afford a vacation she can afford an apartment.”
“Stop being doormats and give her a date she has to leave by, no ‘when will you be ready’, it’s ‘you need to leave by 31 October, if you’re not gone I’m donating everything of yours to charity shop and changing locks’.”- Urbanyeti0
“NTA.”
“But I think it’s high time your wife start dealing with her friend herself instead, kick her out asap though.”- aadilsud
“NTA.”
“How can she afford vacations after a year of not working?”
“Make sure to follow local eviction procedures, last thing you need is to lose a court case against her for your own home.”- Latranis
“NTA.”
“What’s your wife doing during all this?”
“As you said it’s Her friend.”
“Your wife needs to have the best interests of both of you at heart.”- gordiesgoodies
“NTA.”
“You are being too kind.”
“If you don’t kick her out now she will be living with you forever.”
“Say November 1st is the last day, no more discussion.”
“You need to get your wife on board this too.”
“Also is she sleeping in the same room as you at night or did I read that wrong?”-Agreeable_Form_9618
“NTA, I am all for helping a friend, and letting them stay at my bf and I place it they need it, but there’s a line.”
“I find it very strange that she has no job, but has enough money to go on vacations?”
“But she has no money to find an apartment, or motivation to find a job?”
“Give people the hand and they take the whole arm.”- Dependent-Panda-2424
“Absolutely NTA.”
“You have been more than accommodating – literally – now YOU need to give HER a date.”
“2 weeks notice or the end of October.”
“She leaves AND takes her stuff.”
“Anything left in your place after that gets taken to a charity shop.”
“Be firm for your own sanity.”- Helena_Handcart1
“NTA.”
“She isn’t planning to leave by her own volition anytime soon.”-SoulSiren_22
“NTA, where you might be TA is letting it drag on so long, inconveniencing others like your wife in the process.”
“You should have set clear boundaries from the start.”
“No sleeping in because we need the living room during the day for work, be up by 07:00 and have the area cleaned.”
“Like everyone says, set a firm date and stick to it.”
“If possible, contact her mother to come and help remove her stuff so she can move in with them.”
“You babied her too much by being so lenient, doing here resume, applying for jobs on her behalf, washing up after her, letting her sleep in and essentially letting her set the house rules.”
“You made it so comfortable that she doesn’t want to leave, stop doing that and put your foot down.”- AbleOperation6283
“NTA.”
“It’s definitely time.”
“Just do it.”- DogsReadingBooks
“NTA.”
“Please speak with your wife and come up with a plan together.”
“You need to be united in this, otherwise her friend will play the ‘but she said it’s okay’ card and continue to stay with you.”- CheezwizOfficial
“NTA!”
“You need to get your place back!”
“Where is your wife in this?”
“She needs to support your needs at this point, it’s long overdue.”
“I would tell the friend every fugging day that she needs to leave like yesterday.”
“I know it’s hard, or it was hard in the beginning but tbh by now I would have so much resentment which probably would make me overcome the uncomfortable conversation.”
“And I would be have a serious talk with your wife about how your needs need to be put first now that the friend has overstayed her welcome by far.”– emadelosa
The OP and his wife provided a charitable service for the OP’s friend.
A service that this friend subsequently took serious advantage of.
If she wants to remain friends with the OP and his wife, then it will be in her best interest to start her life back up again, out of the OP’s house.