Borrowing money from a loved one isn’t always a good idea.
It can cripple the best of relationships.
Getting the funds back is always a concern.
But sometimes people are too generous for their own good.
Redditor vanzoffthewall wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not lending my bf $1.6K to pay his taxes by next week even tho I have the money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My B[oy]F[riend] has been asking me to let him borrow around $1650 for the taxes that he’s been needing to pay.”
“Mind you, this is for the extended deadline.”
“He was supposed to pay this back in March, but couldn’t afford it, so he asked for an IRS extension.”
“I’ve been reminding him that he needs to save money so he can pay it off, but all he likes to do is spend.”
“On top of that, he is barely making the minimum wage at his job.”
“I have let him borrow money for his rent before, 4 months ago, and I have yet to see that money and promised to pay back, but he hasn’t.”
“When we go out, I also pay a lot of the time because he lives paycheck to paycheck.”
“I am fortunate to have a well-paying job and fair savings in my account.”
“It’s not the point; he just never listens when it comes to using his money wisely.”
“I am very generous when it comes to money, but when he asked again today, I told him no.”
“He says now that I’m a mean person and that I don’t care about him, and how he will end up in jail if he doesn’t pay up when I’ve been the only one helping him this whole time.”
“I feel bad because I’m not sure what consequences he will receive.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“He has been acting pretty dry with me this morning now so AITA for not letting him borrow money even tho I have it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. But you have to understand that your relationship can’t last.”
“Financial issues are one of the biggest reasons that couples break up.”
“Being on different pages when it comes to your life philosophy around budgeting and money does not work.”
“It is time to have a hard talk with him.”
“Explain that he needs to learn to budget and live within his means, saving the money he needs to for things like taxes.”
“If he can’t do that, then he likely is not a good fit for you.”
“This will be an ongoing fight in your life unless either you accept it or he learns to budget and save.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“NTA. Firstly, he won’t end up in jail for $1,650 in taxes.”
“If it were a few hundred grand, maybe.”
“But sixteen hundred dollars, he’ll probably get his wages garnished for it, plus a penalty.”
“In essence, if you don’t pay it, he’ll be made to (and be worse off than if he’d just paid it like an adult).”
“If you pay it, you’ll never see a fraction of a penny back from him.”
“But realistically, do you really want to spend your life with a guy who not only can’t pay a $1650 bill in 7 months, but can’t even reliably pay his rent?” ~ axw3555
“NTA. A few things here, OP.”
“First, he won’t end up in jail if he can’t pay by 10/15.”
“He can file his taxes and then enter a payment arrangement with the IRS to pay off, like $75 per month for as little as he owes them.”
“Second, he’s not having enough withheld from his paychecks.”
“Plus, if he’s only making minimum wage, I don’t really see how he owes unless he isn’t having anything at all taken or has too many exemptions.”
“Third, he apparently needs a better job that will pay him more-he needs a side hustle or a second job. Period.”
“Fourth, you already helped him out with his rent, and he has made no attempts to repay you.”
“I think you have to see that money as a gift and gone because you won’t get it back.”
“And finally, you aren’t his wife or his mother.”
“You are under NO obligation to take care of him financially.”
“As an adult, he needs to do all he can to put himself in a better financial position.”
“Again, if that means working a second job or getting a better-paying job, he needs to do it.”
“If that means he lives with a strict budget–he needs to do it.”
“This guy has the expectation that you are his sugar mama, or since you have it, what’s yours is his.”
“Why are you choosing to be with someone who can’t and won’t try to pull his own weight?”
“OP, you sound young, so don’t make the mistake so many of us have in our youth and pour so much of your time, energy. and money into someone who won’t help themselves.”
“You can do so much better.” ~ moew4974
“This is all that needs to be said.”
“I’m assuming she’s unaware or has not mentioned anything about what he’s spending on.”
“Drugs or cars or gambling.”
“Alcohols are some of the nastiest people.”
“Why is she around him?”
“What traits does he have that make him a good father?”
“Is he hung like a horse?
“That’s the only reason I can see.”
“The dry begging, guilt tripping, extortion, gaslighting… doesn’t add up to what you’d build a family with.”
“She’s his sugar mama ATM.” ~ The_London_Badger
“Girl, why are you still in this relationship?”
“He is never going to get better at managing money. NTA.” ~ robynxcakes
“NTA, but I don’t think you are asking the right questions here.”
“Should you be staying with someone and planning to build a life together who can’t figure out how to pay their taxes even with an extension?” ~ Plastic_Blood1782
“So he owes you and the government now?”
“Yeah, cut your losses, figuratively and literally, and dump him because while you’ll never see your money, the government will get theirs. NTA.” ~ Ruined_Armor
“He can set up a payment plan with the IRS by just going online.”
“You don’t know that man s**t… NTA.” ~ ehunter845
“NTA. This has the makings of a hobosexual.”
‘All he needs to do is conveniently ‘lose’ his job.”
“Notice he deflected everything onto you when you said no and made you the problem.”
“That is manipulation.”
“I would find someone who is actually an adult who can support themselves and not trying to make you into sugarmomma.” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
“He isn’t living paycheck to paycheck; he’s living off your money.”
“He won’t stop unless/until you put a stop to it.”
“This situation – and all its potential consequences – are on him. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
“NTA, and you should tell him that he’s absolutely right, you are indeed mean, and do not care.”
“Dump his hobosexual a**e.”
“He’s a grown man; any consequences that may come from this are his own.”
“The more you mother him, the less respect he’ll have for you, and the more entitled he’ll become.”
“Just no.” ~ SuccessDifficult5981
“Do not lend him the money.”
“Do not get in any kind of financial tangle with someone who chooses not to pay bills and who is so irresponsible that he even refuses to save for the past due TAX bills.”
“He can set up some sort of payment plan.”
“Never get involved with anyone else’s past due bills.”
“It WILL come back and bite you. NTA.” ~ West_House_2085
“If that’s the case, your boyfriend is already kind of screwed.”
“IRS extensions on filing do not extend the deadline for actually paying the tax.”
“If you think you owe, you’re required to send an estimated payment on April 15 with the request for an extension.”
“He will be firmly into ‘interest and penalties’ at the moment, and needs to call them and get on a payment plan immediately.”
“Anyways, NTA.”
“You’re dating, not married. Luckily.”
You might want to keep it that way…” ~ Dearic75
“Even if he didn’t already owe you money, if you lent this to him, you would just be enabling him.”
“He needs to learn to be an adult and not spend money required for essential things like rent and taxes, thinking you will just bail him out. NTA.” ~ BroodingSonata
“Don’t feel bad.”
“He’s a leech.”
“He has known about this for months.”
“Not set money aside or made payments.”
“He has borrowed money and not repaid you.”
“And has spent up on other things.”
“Then has the cheek to be salty about it. NTA.” ~I ndividual_Metal_983
“NTA, but you need to really ask yourself some serious questions about the longevity of this relationship.”
“Do you really want to tie your life together with someone who is so financially irresponsible?”
“Someone who expects you to bail him out time and time again?”
“Who doesn’t even pay you back, mind you.” ~ Caspian4136
“NTA. All that he had to do was to save $60 a week, and he chose not to do it.”
“Clearly, if you loan him money, you will never see that money again.”
“As far as the relationship, can you see yourself living forever with somebody who is as financially irresponsible as he is?”
“If you ever get married, you will be responsible for all the debt he builds during the marriage.”
“If I were you, I would get out now.” ~ Separate-Parfait6426
“NTA. For the love of God, do not lend this man money.”
“You’ll never see it again, and honestly, his putting this as your fault is pretty concerning.”
“I hope you don’t fall for his manipulative words.” ~ Commanderkins
Reddit has your back, OP.
It sounds like you’re being gaslit and taken advantage of.
Enough is enough.
He’s an adult.
He will have to figure it out.