When setting up a gathering with rules that guests are expected to follow, making exceptions is inevitably going to cause bigger issues than either eliminating the rule or enforcing it for everyone.
Child-free wedding? Parents will grumble, and some may not attend. Child-free wedding but you let your one friend bring their kids because you like them? You’re likely to never be forgiven by some family and friends.
No plus ones, except for some people you chose to let bring their partners? Everyone who was forced to leave their significant other at home is going to be upset.
A young man who followed the rules turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after finding out other people got special treatment.
Shwarma_777 asked:
“AITA for leaving my friend’s wedding after they said no plus ones, but invited my ex with hers?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a 25-year-old man and have been with my girlfriend for about a year. When I got the invite for my close friend’s wedding, it said no plus ones.”
“I thought it was strange since I knew other people were bringing partners, but I didn’t want to argue about it.”
“At the wedding, I saw my ex there, not only invited, but also with her new boyfriend. I asked the groom about it, and he said she’s like family, so they made an exception.”
“That really bothered me because my current girlfriend wasn’t allowed to come, but my ex and her partner were.”
“I stayed for the ceremony, but left before the reception. Later, the groom texted me saying I was being dramatic and making things about myself.”
“I don’t know if I handled it the wrong way, but it felt disrespectful to leave out my partner and still give my ex a special spot.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I left my friend’s wedding early instead of staying to support him.”
“My action could be seen as making the day about me, which is what he accused me of, and I get why leaving during his big event might have come across as selfish or disrespectful.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. If you left quietly without making a scene then how can you possibly have ‘made it about yourself’? It sounds like they wanted some kind of reaction from you and were bitter that you denied them that by leaving. I’d maybe create some distance from these people.” ~ Pleasant-Koala147
“People like the groom and his bride fish for trouble and drama. They create situations, such as their wedding, and hope to stir the pot. It’s unfortunate you were the target of their latest attempt, and I’d cut ties. There’s absolutely no reason to keep toxic people like them in your life.” ~ jr2142
“Yes, they’re playing the old ‘do something terrible and make the narrative about how people reacted’ ploy.” ~ Area51Resident
“I think it’s sus they would even notice unless they were looking to see his reaction. At a wedding there’s typically way too much going on to realize that one guest (that you seem to not even f*ck with that much) has left quietly.”
“And jumping straight to the assumption of ‘making it about yourself’ when he could’ve had to leave because he was gonna sh*t himself or something.” ~ giraffeperv
“NTA. Sounds like a setup by the couple and the ‘like family’ ex. They wanted OP there alone so the ex could throw her new relationship in his face. His leaving after the wedding, skipping the reception, ruined their revenge fantasy.” ~ MohawMais
“They wanted to humiliate OP. If ex was like family, most certainly they are on her side. OP showed up at reception alone, no girlfriend, they can call him a loser to their mutuals, that was their intention.” ~ igramigru101
“As a bride or groom, don’t do things that will cause a conflict if you don’t want conflict. Like letting one ex bring a +1 and not the other.”
“Then, when confronted, basically tell them that it’s because the other one is a better friend than them. A ‘sorry man, we said no plus ones, but she asked and we didn’t think to let you know’ would have sufficed and not caused any ill will. The bride and groom asked for this.” ~ Awkward-Past-9712
“Leaving where you’re not valued isn’t retaliation. He stayed for the important part, and like others have said, he could’ve left for any reason, an emergency of any sort, the groom presumed to know why he left which just shows it was calculated.”
“The bride and groom were fishing for drama and using him as bait. NTA.” ~ Willing_Ear_7226
“If you treat someone poorly and they choose to remove themselves from that situation, that’s not retaliation, that’s self-preservation. He even gave them an opportunity to give an actual reason and they chose to tell him it’s because they like his ex more. Why would anyone go spend hours at a party with those three people after that?” ~ NoSignSaysNo
“It sucks when you realize you aren’t as close to someone as you thought you were. But it’s also a blessing in disguise in the long run.”
“I mean, they basically said OP wasn’t as close to them as OP thought they were by saying the ex was ‘like family’ so she was allowed to bring whoever she wanted, but OP wasn’t.”
“OP didn’t make any sort of scene whatsoever, just left after the ceremony was over. He didn’t ruin anyone’s time and was still respectful of the fact that it was someone else’s day.”
“OP had no obligation to stay after the ceremony, especially while he wasn’t allowed to bring the person he is building a life with (meanwhile they knowingly invited his ex and his ex’s partner).”
“OP handled the situation maturely and I think anyone with half a brain would be reconsidering how close they are with someone after a situation like that. I would NEVER deny a close friend bringing their partner to my wedding unless there was a history of the partner being a liability, which we have no information about.”
“And even then, OP deserves honesty because friends are supposed to be honest with each other, otherwise the relationship is just built on lies and not a real friendship. It just further proves that OP is not as close to them as he thought.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the ex asked them not to let OP bring anyone since they are apparently so close.”
“This is most likely not a friendship I would continue, either. Yes, they can do whatever they want for their wedding, but blatant lying and being treated differently than other friends are 100% valid reasons to end a friendship.” ~ No_Zookeepergame2532
“You are free to cherry pick who can and cannot bring a plus one, but you have to accept the consequence that it might offend some people.” ~ sugarplumbutfluck
“The bride and groom get to make exceptions, and the guests get to decide if they want to attend the reception or leave after the ceremony. NTA.” ~ Challenge-Upstairs
“Of course they can make exceptions. It’s their wedding. Of course, they don’t need to explain their choices.”
“But in this case, they chose to answer and explain. And their explanation was not ‘well the person is a friend of ours, so we invited them both’, it was ‘well she’s like family, so we made an exception for her’.”
“So clearly there are +1s for some chosen people, which they are allowed to do as it is their wedding. They are however a**holes for lying, because the statement ‘there are no +1s’ was not the truth.”
“You can do what you want at your wedding and not be an a**hole. Except lie and then call someone out for reacting to your choice to play favorites. If the groom hadn’t texted to whine about him skipping the reception, there’d be no issue. NTA.” ~ Alternative-Redditer
“Guests are free to leave. If I’m reading correctly, OP did not make a scene—he just left after the ceremony. Nothing wrong with that.” ~ One-Employee9235
“Yep, nothing wrong with OP wanting to leave. They even stayed for the entire ceremony and then left quietly without making a scene or calling attention to themself. NTA.” ~ Alternative-Redditer
“NTA, you don’t owe anyone anything. You can leave or skip a party if you’re offended. You didn’t feel like celebrating and that’s okay.” ~ Tassle15
“This, 100%. I also don’t understand people acting like it is some kind of great honor to go to a wedding (like putting people in tiers). The guests are the ones showing up to support the bride and groom, not the other way around.”
“If a person is not valued by the bride and groom, why would they stay? Makes no sense at all.” ~ Mamba-42
“EXACTLY. Going to a wedding is not fun for anyone except the bride and groom.”
“The guests are there to support the couple. They bring expensive gifts. They clap politely. They travel a long way and give up a weekend to sit and listen to boring speeches about how two people met.”
“That’s why you give them cake, food, alcohol, and allow them to bring their own significant others. You give them take-home gifts. You write thank-you cards, and save-dates so that it’s easier for them to plan for childcare and travel.”
“Being sh*tty to your wedding guests is the height of stupidity.” ~ sweetalkersweetalker
The OP isn’t required to attend a party. In the end, all he did was skip the party after the wedding.
The groom chose to make this an issue.