Content Warning: Abusive Behavior and Unsafe Home Environments
Relationships have slowed down quite a bit, with longer and longer relationships and engagements before a couple actually moves into a marriage, because we’ve realized how long it really takes to get to know someone.
Unfortunately, sometimes people still don’t realize negative characteristics about their partner until it feels too late to leave, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor thelavenderneko thought she was in a positive relationship, but she became pregnant much sooner than either of them had anticipated, and once she was pregnant, her partner began to reveal his true personality.
Though she didn’t feel prepared to do so yet, the Original Poster (OP) was already at the point of trying to think of an exit plan, and her boyfriend kept giving her new reasons to create one.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for angering my significant other because of being stuck in the bathtub at 40 weeks pregnant?”
The OP got stuck in the bathtub when she was full-term pregnant.
“I (27 Female), around midnight, made the poor choice of taking a bath.”
“I’m 40 weeks pregnant and all belly on a very tiny frame. I was still in a lot of pain from contractions/cramping that had gone on for two days straight, and I thought a bath would help.”
“Before I got in, I told my boyfriend that I was going to take a bath. He heard me and knew that I got in. He was gaming at the time.”
“When it was time to get out, I couldn’t get myself up. I tried different positions and ended up falling from my knees to my butt. I couldn’t get the weight of myself up.”
“I messaged my partner (29 Male) for help, but he was sleeping.”
“I kept trying to get up but couldn’t, and all the water had drained out of the tub. I tried calling his name, I banged on the wall, I used my phone and called him several times, and he wouldn’t wake up.”
“I started to have a panic attack because I was stuck and I didn’t know how I was going to get out or if I’d just end up having to sleep in there until someone found me. I tried getting up again and couldn’t, I kept slipping before I could even get on my knees.”
The OP was finally able to reach her partner.
“I kept calling my partner on my phone until he eventually woke up. I told him I was stuck in the bathtub and couldn’t get out, and that I was having a panic attack.”
“I was crying. I had been stuck in there for almost 40 minutes at that point.”
“He came in and I said, ‘I’m stuck in here and I really need help. I tried to wake…'”
“He cut me off and raised his voice at me and said, ‘I don’t know why you don’t f**king ask for help. I was right in the next room.'”
“I said, ‘I did! I messaged you, called, and banged on the wall, and you were sleeping! I did try to ask for help.'”
“He helped me up. Mind you, I’m so heavy even he has a hard time getting me up, and I was still crying at this point.”
“He said, ‘You’re so f**king dramatic.’ Then he went into the bedroom and went back to sleep.”
“I grabbed my things, took my medication (which is for an anxiety disorder), and went down to sleep on the couch.”
The OP was alarmed by how her partner treated her.
“I was overall calm, other than crying. I did try to get help, and being stuck in a tiny tub while heavily pregnant for 40 minutes after already taking an hour bath was becoming very uncomfortable.”
“Am I the a**hole in this situation? I genuinely did not know what else to do.”
“This is the norm for me with him unfortunately, but it wasn’t like this in the beginning.”
“I got pregnant very early on in our relationship. It wasn’t planned, and unfortunately, that happens. It wasn’t until a bit into my pregnancy that things really changed like this. I was hoping he wouldn’t be that way forever.”
“The only reason I haven’t left is because I’ve been pregnant. 99% of the things in this house are mine from before him, and I don’t have anyone who can really help me move out. I also didn’t qualify for maternity leave, so even if I moved out, I don’t have the money/income to afford anywhere.”
“I have gone over all of these options in my head many times. I never thought he would treat the baby like that. I just thought it would only be me to be treated that way. It’s a really hard situation to be in, and I’m really trying my best to figure it out.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some imagined how much worse this was going to get with a baby.
“NTA. Yikes, I can’t imagine how fun all your midnight-to-2:00-AM newborn childcare is going to be with this person as a partner.” – AdhesivenessOdd9999
“She’ll be doing it alone, at least until the crying wakes him and he takes it out on her. If your partner’s first response in this situation is not immediately seeing if you are okay and helping, they are not a partner, they are a sperm donor.” – FlyingSparkes
“My now-ex woke me from a sound sleep to tell me the baby was crying, then he rolled over and went back to sleep.”
“The next day, I told him that if I didn’t hear the baby, I needed the sleep more than he did, and he needed to get his a** out of bed. Because I was so d**n sleep deprived when he woke me that I went on autopilot and took care of our son.” – CreativeMusic5121
“In all seriousness, this is a huge red flag! He showed absolutely no concern for you, OP.”
“You could’ve been hurt. If you feel like you fell too hard, I would suggest getting checked by your OB-GYN. I had to tell a friend of mine to go to the OB after falling on her butt, and she delivered her baby the following day.”
“Wishing you all the best. NTA.” – HarleyButterfly
“It’s been decades, but I was on the floor next to a wall AC because it was so hot. I was heavily pregnant, and when I tried to get up, I couldn’t. My then-husband stood watching me struggle and LAUGHED.”
“The emotional and financial abuse intensified over the years. It was so hard to leave bc all of my friends had moved. Also, he managed to isolate me gradually.”
“I planned on never getting into another serious relationship. Then I reconnected with a childhood friend. We were together 27 years before cancer took him. Life can be so much better. Even as a single parent.” – Ughlockedout
“This SHOULD have been one of my big clues as to what type of guy I was with, too. He went one better, though. He took paternity leave and booked a week-long course for one of his expensive hobbies. Moaned that he needed to sleep; otherwise, it was a waste of good [read MY] money paid for said course, so I was supposed to take the baby into another room to feed.”
“A few times I’ve been ill and needed hospital treatment. His first response was to swear and moan at me about how unfair it was for him to be left to cope alone, pre- and post-children. Obviously, he’s an ex.”
“Oh yeah, OP, you’re NTA. I’d have called emergency services after about 15 minutes.” – CompetitionOdd1746
Others advised the OP to call emergency services if a similar situation arose again.
“In our area, call 9-1-1 and ask for a ‘lift assist.’ You’ll be transferred to the fire department, and a unit will be dispatched. I’ve had to do this five times for my disabled husband. My mom lives in another state (rural area), and they do the same for my dad. Good luck, OP!” – IamchefCJ
“Call the non-emergency firefighters. They’ll help ya get up. Then you don’t waste 911 on non-emergency. I fall out of my wheelchair sometimes and can’t get up, so I’ll call the non-emergency line.” – WhompTrucker
“NTA. Next time you are stuck, please feel free to call the emergency line in your country. I know it may sound crazy or like it’s overreacting, but you’re heavily pregnant, and it is so dangerous. Your safety matters the most.”
“And also, your partner sucks. Who the hell treats their partner like that? Does he even like you? Does he even think of you as his partner?”
“If you have family or friends, it might be worth considering asking them to stay over for a while with you after you give birth. Your partner seems like a d**k.” – Substantial_Bag_1813
“I’m concerned he might have actually seen the texts and calls and chose to ignore them for a while. He sure seemed more interested in punishing her than checking she was okay.”
“It seems pretty convenient to me that he went from actively gaming to being so asleep that he couldn’t hear any of her calls, pounding, anything else, all on the inside of her taking a bath (which I highly doubt was THAT long of a soak).”
“OP, if anything like that ever happens again, call 911 or the equivalent where you are. You need help, and if you can’t get it from your partner, you have every right to seek it elsewhere.”
“Also, start making your escape plan. This man does not care about your well-being, and you need to get out, it is very likely to only get worse.” – SummitJunkie7
“I’m an EMT, and we would happily come by at 3:00 AM to help you get out of the tub, take your medication, and get you some water and walk you through some deep breathing.”
“Seriously OP, emergency medical services are there for you. Even when your ‘partner’ is not.”
“I will say, the number of times we are called because someone wants to be transported for their pain at 2:00 PM is more than I can count on one hand. (And not to say scary things requiring transport don’t genuinely happen in the middle of the night.)”
“Part of my initial experience with EMS was after being hit by a car as a pedestrian. Most of us have ADHD and function better in emergencies than periods of calm.” – mostlypercy
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an unfortunate update in a comment.
“Update: Well, you all were right. The baby came a couple of days ago, and the very first night, my boyfriend decided he couldn’t stay at the hospital with us because he didn’t want to sleep there.”
“The baby was up all night, and I got maybe 20 minutes of sleep, and hadn’t slept the night before that because I was birthing her.”
“Every night since, there’s been some sort of irritation from him, and it’s been a lot. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is probably just tired… but I’m also tired and I don’t treat him any sort of way because of it.”
The OP was also still clearly trying to process the night in the bathtub.
“I didn’t think I was going to get stuck. The last time I took a bath before this time, I was fine to get out. I hadn’t taken a bath for a while before this. My weight was all in my belly, my belly was MASSIVE, and the bottom of the tub was very slippery.”
“Usually, I was fine to roll onto my knees and lift myself up, but I had become such an awkward size/shape that I couldn’t get turned around onto my knees, and I was far too heavy, which didn’t help.”
“I know I could have called 9-1-1, but I have two other children that live here: mine (6 Male) and my partner’s (9 Female). I didn’t want to HAVE to wake them with emergency services if I didn’t have to. The door was also locked downstairs, so they wouldn’t have been able to get in, regardless unless they broke the door down, which is so unnecessary for the situation at hand.”
“Yes, my anxiety is bad, but I do typically handle things well. It isn’t often that my anxiety acts up, so no, I don’t just freak out over everything. I was very exhausted from being in pain. It was late, I was at the end of my pregnancy, so I was very on edge, and being stuck somewhere where you can’t get out, no matter what, is a lot.”
“I’m a bit claustrophobic. I’ve been stuck in elevators before and cried. I don’t like the feeling of being stuck. I wasn’t freaking out in this situation, just normal crying.”
“Also, yes, he can be like this towards me often, but he has always been a good dad to his child, so before I was pregnant and he wasn’t showing signs of being like this, I did think he would be a good dad to my baby, and I wasn’t worried when I got pregnant.”
“It wasn’t until I was into my pregnancy that he started acting this way, and at that point, it was really too late. There really weren’t any signs.”
The subReddit was shocked by what the OP found herself going through and how her relationship had worsened during her pregnancy. Though she didn’t feel prepared to leave yet, it was clear that the best course of action for her and her baby was doing just that.