New York City can often require A LOT of footwork.
Even if a person takes cabs and public transit, one can’t completely escape walking.
Walking is part of the NYC DNA.
This doesn’t always go over well with visitors.
Redditor Training-Cry2676 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not bringing my daughter’s friend home and making her parents come get her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter and I live about an hour outside NYC.”
“Since she was a baby, I’ve taken her there most weekends.”
“As she got older, she occasionally brought friends.”
“They always know the rules: bring a bag with things for the train, carry your own stuff, stick together, expect lots of walking, and have fun.”
“Phones are fine, but I encourage screen-free activities.”
“I always speak to parents beforehand and emphasize the walking; we sometimes walk 45 minutes or more.”
“For her 12th birthday last weekend, she wanted to go to the city with friends, visit favorite spots, have dinner, and maybe see a show.”
“My mom helped pay for tickets and joined us.”
“My daughter invited three girls: two longtime friends who know the routine and a new friend, ‘Leah.'”
“I called Leah’s mom, explained the rules, warned about the walking, and suggested Leah bring something for the train since the signal is bad.”
“Leah’s mom said she was excited.”
“My daughter also explained expectations.”
“On the train, Leah brought only her phone, got bored when the signal cut out, refused to chat or play games with the others, and complained.”
“When we arrived, she immediately asked for a cab.”
“My daughter reminded her that we walk.”
“As we browsed shops, Leah kept whining and asking for a cab.”
“I stayed patient, offered water and snack breaks, and even suggested the subway to be nice, but she refused when she learned what it was.”
“A few hours in, we stopped for dinner at a place with options for everyone.”
“Leah complained again and said she wanted to go home.”
“I pulled her aside to check if she was sick or upset; she just said it was boring.”
“I told her we’d be there a few more hours for the show, but if she wanted to leave, she could call her mom.”
“Leah called, and her mom asked me to bring her back.”
“Even if my mom or I left with Leah and took a train back after we dropped her off, we’d miss the show, and my daughter wanted both of us there.”
“I explained we wouldn’t head back until after the show.”
“Leah’s mom didn’t want to pay for a train ticket or drive.”
“She eventually sent Leah’s dad, who picked her up before the show.”
“Leah stayed crabby through dinner.”
“Afterward, Leah’s mom trashed me to the other moms, but they backed me up, saying they wouldn’t expect me to cut the trip short unless a child was sick or hurt (which I would do).”
“Now Leah’s mom won’t let her hang out with my daughter.”
“I can’t help wondering if I should’ve just sucked it up and taken her home.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“The fact that Leah’s mom won’t let Leah hang out with your daughter is a bonus.”
“Leah sounds like she is high-maintenance and whiny.”
“Bad influence on your kid.”
“Write it off as an experience your daughter will learn from. NTA.” ~ Quick-Possession-245
“NTA. Leah is a spoiled, entitled child, and her mom’s reactions prove exactly whose fault that is.”
“You managed expectations just fine.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“NTA – mother of a 13-year-old here, and I would have done the same.”
“I also would not be too fussed about my child losing this particular friend, and I wouldn’t allow her to come on any more trips/sleepovers/play dates; I’ve actually banned whiney or difficult children from my house before, after telling my child exactly why – they are fine with it.” ~ Heraonolympia123
“NTA. That was not a reasonable request.”
“Leah’s mom should have told her to cut the crap and do her best to enjoy herself, and stop being so whiny and ungracious.”
“OR if leaving was the preferred solution, they needed to work that out.”
“As you said, she was not hurt or injured.”
“Requiring you to leave the party would not have necessarily been a reasonable thing to ask of your mother – to chaperone three girls in the city for the remainder of the day – and it would have cost you a lot in the lost ticket sales.”
This is where Leah gets her entitlement from, evidently. Leah’s mom should have been apologizing for her daughter dragging everyone down the whole time.
“It’s unfortunate that your daughter is being punished as a result of this, but again, not your fault.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“NTA, a child’s birthday is the one day per year where it’s truly about them and they’re surrounded by people they care about.”
“I certainly can understand Leah not having a good time, but part of life is sucking it up and not making it about her.”
“She was informed of the expectations and the events, and you checked in on her to make sure she was okay.”
“She was given the ability to call her mom and be removed from the situation.”
“It’s unreasonable for her mom to expect you to forgo your daughter’s birthday for the sake of her kid’s inability to be there for her friend.” ~ Krugle_01
“NTA- Maybe if Leah’s mom taught her some manners and how to behave when out with other people, this wouldn’t have been an issue.”
“But given that she wouldn’t pay for a train ticket or come get her own daughter, you shouldn’t be surprised that she is now running her mouth.”
“Probably for the best that they can’t hang out anymore.” ~ Impressive_Moment786
“NTA. Leah and her mom sound entitled.”
“Their loss. It’s a good opportunity to teach your daughter that friendship goes two ways – someone who whines and expects you to do all of the heavy lifting is not a friend.”
“Leah will lose out on many opportunities because of her behavior, and because of her mom’s support of her behavior.” ~ shushupbuttercup
“No, you’re not the a**hole here.”
“You clearly set expectations with both Leah and her mom ahead of time, and she agreed.”
“Leah wasn’t sick, unsafe, or in distress; she was just bored and complaining.”
“You even tried to accommodate her with breaks and alternatives, but she refused.”
“It’s unreasonable for her mom to expect you to derail your daughter’s birthday trip (and waste show tickets, your mom’s gift, and everyone else’s fun) because her child didn’t like walking.”
“In that situation, the only fair solution was for her parents to step in and pick her up, which is exactly what happened.”
“The other moms backing you show that your boundaries were fair.”
“Leah’s mom is lashing out because she doesn’t want to acknowledge that her daughter just wasn’t up for the kind of outing you planned.” ~ RileyBates14
“NTA. You had your own child and other kids to worry about, and this wasn’t an emergency.”
‘This is no different than if Leah had stayed the night at your house and wanted to go home at midnight.”
‘You wouldn’t expect the hosting parent to drive her home; you go pick up the kid.”
“Glad she left, though.”
“She would’ve made the rest miserable.” ~ Beatrix-the-floof
“NTA, and you know this.”
“You explained what the trip would entail, and Leah signed up for it.”
“It’s not your fault that she turned out to be a lazy, entitled brat, though it sounds as though she probably learned that from her mom.”
“Just because someone is mad and acting unreasonably does not mean you did anything wrong.”
“You handled the situation fine.” ~ megamawax
“NTA, and it’s a very good thing Leah doesn’t hang out with your daughter anymore!”
“That brat made your daughter’s day about her, and your kid has to learn who her real friends are.”
“Leah is not one of them.” ~ Odd_Tea4945
“NTA. WTF… You did everything you needed to do: explained the rules, explained them to the mom, and had your daughter explain them.”
“The other girls and their moms know the rules and BACK YOU!”
“Why would you think you are the AH?”
“This girl is beyond entitled to the point that her mother doesn’t even remember expectations and wants to crap on you for… check notes… doing EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID!”
“If your daughter doesn’t get to see Leah, that’s a win.” ~ catskilkid
“NTA. Mom and daughter expected you to appease her and make changes that would make Leah happy, not your daughter.”
“Don’t invite her anywhere.”
“If she REALLY wants to join again, she needs to prove at home that she understands expectations with your family.”
“Let’s be honest: kids learn and eventually know who they can get away with stuff and who they can’t.”
“She can’t with you, and she knows she can with her mom.” ~ Asleep_Objective5941
“NTA. It’s extremely normal when a kid is unhappy at a birthday party for their parents to pick them up.”
“On no planet would the birthday girl’s mom be expected to leave her own child and other children to return someone else’s children.”
“Leah was sad, and learned that sometimes the rules won’t flex to her desires.”
“She learned.”
“Her mom learned.”
“Now they know something new.” ~ NonSequitorSquirrel
“Why do I have the feeling that Leah does not have any rules at home?”
“NTA! Her mum sure is.”
“I cannot imagine any scenario in which my kid would call me and I’d refuse to come get them.” ~ redditstinkttotal
Reddit with you, OP.
This trip was about celebrating your daughter, and she made it about her.
Maybe condense the invite list next year.