It’s amazing just how quickly a mess can grow.
Be it one dish in the sink, or one toy on the floor, at one point or another, one becomes a pile, which steadily becomes a mess.
Messes often begin when people assume someone will get to cleaning up the mess eventually.
Never taking into consideration that they could get ahead of the game and clean up the mess themselves.
The wife of Redditor Excellent-Employ-671 had an unfortunate habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink.
Making things worse, this habit continued to grow, with dirty dishes also being left in their car and elsewhere.
Eventually leading the original poster (OP) to lay down an ultimatum.
Concerned he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for assigning the chore of dishes to my wife?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to lay down the law with their wife:
“My wife is obsessed with Stanley cups.”
“She owns at least two dozen, probably more.”
“She uses three cups a day.”
“Her morning coffee goes in one, a flavored water goes in the second, and then a third goes with her to work empty so she can put whatever else she wants in there that day.”
“For the last couple of years, I’ve put up with it.”
“We’ve been married 9 years and the only assigned chores are that I do the lawn care and the garbage (smell of garbage can make her vomit).”
“We equally cook and clean and do laundry and anything else that needs to be done whenever we see it needs to be done.”
“Chores have never been a point of contention until March of this year.”
“I took a lateral position that changed my work style significantly.”
“I now work from home four days a week, with the fifth being a half day split between two offices. I’m home by 3:00 on those days.”
“So because of that, I’ve taken on way more of the chores.”
“I’m not complaining about most of it because I can do it and my life is much easier than it was before.”
“The problem is my wife’s habits.”
“Because her office is so remote, lunch options are limited, so she tends to take all the leftovers from dinner.”
“The issue is that she will leave the dirty, unrinsed containers in her car for days at a time and then just stack them up in the sink for me to deal with.”
“Between the insanely bad smell and filling up the bottom drawer of the dishwasher every few days with Stanleys, I’m over it.”
“In addition to the numerous cups, she also expects the matching lid and straw to be reassembled before storage.”
“I told her that if she wants to continue ignoring my requests to bring her containers in every day, or to at least rinse them out at work, then she has to do the dishes from now on.”
“Now, according to her, I’m being unreasonable.”
“Because I’m home and don’t have any commute time, I have way more free time than she does, and so I should take on the majority of the chores.”
“But from my view, I’ve done exactly that.”
“Since the change, I do nearly everything.”
“Vacuuming, mopping, cleaning/folding/storing clothes, grass, garbage, and most of the cooking.”
“I don’t think it’s particularly fair to expect me to also deal with her stinky Tupperware and mountain of cups, along with the sorting of the accessories after.”
“Am I out of line here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for making their wife do all the dishes.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s wife was responsible for causing this ongoing mess, then she should be responsible for cleaning it up, with many others confused by the fact that she hated the smell of garbage, yet somehow could handle the smell of rotting food in her car:
“NTA.”
“She can’t handle a garbage can but can handle driving around in one?”
“I would even argue that what she’s doing is worse than taking the trash out.”
“At least there are scented garbage bags and you just have the brief walk to the can, then you’re done for a few days.”
“Can even hold your breath or even mask.”
“She’s not even rinsing them at work?”
“So they are just sitting her car, dealing with weather changes and hours flying by, with food still in them?”
“I would be tossing them.”
“I know it’s not great for the environment, but maybe she needs to get single-use ones or frozen meals.”
“She needs to get a grip and clean her mess.”- ClaireL58
“NTA.”
“Tell her that until she cuts out her disgustingly bad habit of leaving the containers until they stink, dealing with her stink is entirely her problem.”
“Once that habit is fixed, you can revisit the issue.”
“End of.”- kurokomainu
“You have a dishwasher.”
“No one has to wash dishes.”
“All she has to do is put her own dishes in the dishwasher.”
“You doing most of the mutual chores does not mean you should have to clean up after her.”
“Grownups should take care of their own dishes.”
“NTA.”- ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“A big rule in my house is that if you make a task harder, you deal with the consequences.”
“That many cups plus disgusting dishes is making the task harder, so it’s on her to deal with the consequences.”- Elemental_surprise
“It is a reasonable expectation that your wife would at least rinse out her numerous Stanley cups.”
“Instead, she leaves them to fester into science experiments.”
“I presume you aren’t a ‘work from home mad scientist’.”
“If it were me, I’d give her one final warning to rinse them out; after that, I’d start disposing of them as biohazards.”
“NTA.”- Waste_Worker6122
“NTA.”
“An adult cleans up after themselves as part of a family or any functioning home.”-overZealousAzalea
“Ewwwwwww NTA.”
“And I thought I was gross because sometimes I forget to put my Tupperware in the sink until I’m packing my next lunch the next morning… thanks for the self-esteem boost ig lol.”-sailor_moon_knight
“Tell her you can continue doing the dishes if she can at least have the courtesy to bring her dishes in every day.”
“Just because you have some free time to help around the house doesn’t mean that you have to deal with putrid food.”
“NTA.”- Unusual-Hat-6819
“NTA.”
“If she wants to continue to be nasty with her lunch containers and be picky about her cups then she can wash them.”
“If she is not going to wash them then she should at the very least be rinsing them after use and bringing them in daily.”- late-nineteenth
“NTA.”
“My husband does something similar – leaves cups, tupperware, etc. in his home office or in his car for days.”
“I told him I don’t agree with what he’s doing, but he’s an adult and makes choices.”
“I refuse to wash any of it, and he’s not allowed to leave it in the sink for days unwashed (same rule for me).”
“And I got myself Tupperware that he’s not allowed to use, so he can’t ruin it.”
“Your wife is being unreasonable.”- friendlily
“NTA.”
“This is perfectly reasonable.”
“You indicate you are already doing more than a basic split of chores because your work schedule allows it – and that’s great and makes sense – whereas her schedule is more demanding and involves a commute.”
“That said, you aren’t a maid.”
“She can learn to do some basic clean-up after herself.”
“This chore is as onerous as it is BECAUSE of her habits specifically.”
“Would you accept a compromise?”
“Ie she loads the Stanleys into the dishwasher herself, and deals with assembly after, and commits to bringing her used lunch dishes inside every day rather than letting them fester?”-owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“Working from home means working.”
“Not cleaning up after a slob of a spouse.”- HugeNefariousness222
“NTA.”
“She’s making the normal chore (dishwashing) into an ongoing hazard for no reason.”
“She creates the problem?”
“She deals with it.”- PrairieGrrl5263
“NTA.”
“I had a similar conversation about not leaving Tupperware to get funky with my husband, and guess what, he put them on the sink and rinses them, and if he forgets, he’s the one that washes them later.”
“Without an argument.”- Direct-Chef-9428
“NTA.”
“I can be lazy too but I always deal with the consequences not my spouse.”- amethystalien6
Based on what the OP said, it seems like their wife wasn’t holding up her side of the agreement when it came to household maintenance.
More often than not, there are consequences for those who can’t fulfill what they agreed upon.
In the case of the OP’s wife, those consequences are, understandably, doing the dishes.