There are both written and unwritten rules for what is considered appropriate to wear to a wedding.
Many wedding invitations include a dress code or instructions to wear specific colors.
While a given rule is never to wear white to a wedding, as it might draw attention away from the bride.
But what if the bride doesn’t wear white?
Redditor BroadwayShadow was excited to attend the wedding of a friend she had been somewhat out of touch with.
Upon arriving at the wedding, the original poster (OP) was surprised to see that her friend’s bride did not wear a white gown.
In fact, her gown matched the color of the OP’s, which did not please the OP’s friend at all.
Wondering if she was worthy of her friend’s wrath, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wearing red to a friend’s wedding?”
The OP explained why her choice of dress for her friend’s wedding saw her friend literally seeing red:
“First post here, but this happened a month ago or so but I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I (22 F[emale]) attended a friend from high schools (23 F) wedding to her (22 F) wife, and I wore red.”
“For anonymity I’m going to refer to my friend as Mia and her wife as Sarah.”
“Mia and I were super close from kindergarten through high school.”
“After high school she went to college across the country and I stayed in state and we fell out of touch.”
“She stayed out there every summer, so I literally hadn’t seen her in four years.”
“I saw her post a picture of a ring saying she was engaged and I commented a congratulations. To my surprise I got an invite in the mail a few weeks later.”
“I was shocked that she thought to invite me but I was excited to see my friend after so long.”
“The day of the wedding comes and I wore a red/maroon floor length dress.”
“I took my seat and waited for the bride to come down the aisle.”
“Mia came down first and looked stunning, and then to my surprise Sarah came down the aisle in red.”
“Sarah, as it turns out, is Chinese and their wedding was a mash up of American and Chinese traditions.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Sarah looked stunning, and her dress was way more detailed than mine, but I didn’t know they were doing a mashup wedding, much less that Sarah was Chinese.”
“Mia is a private person who doesn’t post that often, and their engagement post was a black and white photo of hands!”
“After the ceremony, Mia came up to me, quite upset, and asked where I had the audacity to wear red to a Chinese wedding.”
“I tried to explain to her that I had no idea the wedding was gonna have Chinese elements, like the bride wearing red, much less the fact that Sarah was Chinese to begin with.”
“She had never posted a picture of her, to my knowledge, and I didn’t stalk her Instagram/Facebook to find pictures because I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“I ended up crying and leaving the reception early.”
“If I had known she was planning on wearing red, I would never have worn it.”
“If I’m being completely honest, my dress was plain red, no pattern or gems or lace or anything, and Sarah’s dress was very detailed and downright stunning, and I don’t think I could have outshone her anyway.”
“I’ve tried to call and text to apologize, but I haven’t heard anything back.”
“So am I the AH for wearing red to a wedding, with no knowledge that the bride would also be wearing red?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wearing red to Mia’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that if the OP had no warning about not wearing red, then Mi couldn’t blame her for doing so, with others pointing out that guests wearing red at a Chinese wedding isn’t even that uncommon:
“NTA.”
“I was reading the title thinking ‘only if it was a Chinese wedding’.”
“But no one told you it was a Chinese wedding!”
“Mia should have known to tell you if they didn’t want people to wear red, since you hadn’t even met Sarah (as far as I can tell).”- Cascadeis
“NTA.”
“If they did not want their guests wearing red, they should have specified on the invites.”-MathematicianSad859
“NTA.”
“You didn’t know, plain and simple.”- 0biterdicta
“NTA.”
“Unless, of course, there was a request for guests not to wear certain things.”
“At this point, you need to move on and close the book on this friendship, as I don’t think either of them will be contacting you.”- Terminal_Lucridity
“NTA.”
“They should have mentioned it on the invite.”- Violet351
“NTA.”
“You didn’t have that information.”- ServelanDarrow
“NTA.”
“Obviously, because you had no idea.”
“Mia was incredibly rude to harangue you about this.”
“There’s etiquette for wedding guests, but there is ALSO etiquette saying nobody should hassle guests who violate a minor guideline like this.”
“This is what irritates me when people flip their lids over guests wearing casual white dresses to Western weddings.”
“It’s a violation of etiquette for the guest to wear that, and it’s also a violation of etiquette to point it out and make a scene.”
“You’re supposed to judge in silence, lmao.”- clairejv
“NTA!”
“Been to plenty of weddings and most specify what the dress code is on their wedding website/invite.”- Silent-Working3803
“NTA.”
“It is on the wedding-havers to make the guests aware if there are going to be obscure cultural hangups and booby traps like this.”- Fiempre-sin-tabla
“NTA.”
“Lol not wearing the same color as the bride is mainly an American thing.”
“Not wearing red too (old custom though).”
“In Chinese culture, it’s fine, red is lucky, even encouraged.”
“Avoid full white (funeral attire) and black (unlucky), and just don’t outshine the bride by wearing a wedding dress.”- believingunbeliever
“NTA.”
“You didn’t know like lol.”- idontlikeshowers
“NTA.”
“The obvious thing was to exercise common sense and specify a dress code of no red or white.”
“The brides failed to do so.”
“And even if you had known one was of Chinese heritage, it does not mean you would know about the red.”
“What horrible behavior from your so-called friend.”- Individual_Metal_983
“NTA!”
“My Chinese MIL wore a red dress to my wedding – red is lucky in Chinese culture, plus they don’t have the taboo of wearing the same color as the bride.”
“It doesn’t make sense to mash cultures and then expect you to magically predict which bits of each they’re using!”- oceanview2017
“NTA.”
“You didn’t know!”- Nermal_Nobody
“NTA.”
“And that’s the kind of thing you specify on invites.”
“For example, I literally got an invitation this morning for a friend’s wedding and they specified guest wear white.”
“And that’s the kind of thing you HAVE to specify because otherwise I’d have avoided it completely and stood out like a sore thumb.”
“Especially if you’re not super close, it seems like a thing to mention.”
“In western weddings, it’s common knowledge to avoid white, and that’s pretty easy, but red is a normally accepted color unless you know it’s a multicultural wedding.”
“I wouldn’t let this bother you too much tbh.”- GuacGoddess7
“NTA.”
“I have reported to wearing black to weddings because every color anyone wants to wear ends up being wrong.”
“I’m so over this, and I hope you are too.”- FinanciallySecure9
“NTA.”
“Communication is a thing, and it should have been noted on the invite.”
“Especially if they’re inviting people who don’t know the other half of the couple.”
“There are many nationalities and cultures on the planet, and if you were to automatically assume that the other person could be any of those, then what color would be safe to wear while not offending one or both of the couple?”
“UNLESS, the couple told their guests?”- SunMoonTruth
“While I vote NTA, red is also seen as a ‘I slept with one of the people getting married’ so I always avoid wearing a red dress to a wedding to avoid that potential drama.”
“That being said, you had no way of knowing.”- Little_Emu_
“NTA.”
“She was wrong.”
“She was wrong to not communicate either on the invite or reach out to each person to ask them to please refrain from wearing red and why.”
“You’re not a mind reader.”
“And even if you did know her fiancé was Chinese, what if you had no knowledge of certain traditions to know that wearing red would be an issue in that case?”
“If she had communicated that wish and you chose to ignore it, that would be a different story.”
“But that’s not what happened here.”
“If she can’t see that, then that’s her fault and her problem.”
“Don’t reach out to her again.”
“If and when she responds and is understanding and apologetic about not communicating clearly, then perhaps there’s a chance for the friendship to be reignited but otherwise, just let it go.”
“You did nothing wrong.”- flynena-3
No one should outshine the bride on her wedding day.
However, since it sounds like the OP wore a simple red dress and Sarah wore an elaborate one, there wasn’t any risk of that happening.
Had Mia warned the OP and all other guests of this, there would have been no risk whatsoever.