Sharing a home with roommates is always a delicate balance.
While you have one room that is exclusively yours, other areas of the home are shared spaces.
Spaces whose use people will have major disagreements about.
Or, for that matter, how they should look.
Redditor Organic_Talk_79 shared an apartment with two roommates.
One of these roommates had some ideas of what to do with their shared living room.
While the original poster (OP) wasn’t opposed to her roommates’ ideas, she was opposed to helping make her ideas a reality.
A decision that did not sit well with the OP’s roommates.
Concerned she may have been in the wrong, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
The OP explained how she found herself at odds with her roommates:
“I (18 F[emale]) live in a rent-by-bedroom apartment with two other people (33 F and 23 F) who both moved in at the end of August.”
“I’ve been here since late June, and my previous roommates, who had lived here for a year, took all the decorations and extra furniture with them when they moved out.”
“Personally, I do not care about decoration at all.”
“My friends make fun of me and say every room I’ve lived in looks like a concrete box or jail cell, but I hardly spend time in my room and find no joy in decoration.”
“Recently, my roommates brought up buying decorations together because, to be fair, the common area is completely empty except for basic kitchen stuff and one couch.”
“I don’t mind and told them as long as they followed the lease’s rules on alteration, I don’t care what they do to the common area.”
“They insisted that we should all go get decorations together, and because I also used the common area, I should chip in.”
“This I still refused because I genuinely have no use for any sprucing up.”
“I also said that I didn’t want to spend extra money on decorating.”
“Working 20 hours a week, I can pay off my own rent and utilities and have some fun money left over.”
“My parents are gracious enough to pay for my tuition, left after scholarships, food, and any other expenses.”
“Somehow they came to the conclusion that because I recently bought a bunch of clothes from the mall and because my parents still support me, I should have plenty of money to spend.”
“For context, they are both independent adults and pay for everything themselves.”
“Well, I told them no again and that they can do whatever they want, but I’m not going to contribute.”
“It’s been a week or two, and I don’t see any decor in the living room, but the other day, one of my roommates (33F) invited some guy over.”
“He made a comment about how sparse the living room was, and my roommate said it was because, specifically, I didn’t want to decorate.”
“She said it jokingly, but it honestly read as passive-aggressive considering the context.”
“My best friend did say my room and the general apartment were pretty sad-looking, but I’d boot up the Sims if I wanted to decorate.”
“I’m not going to be convinced, but am I the a**hole for not contributing to a shared space?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly took the OP’s side and agreed she was not the a**hole for refusing to chip in for decorations.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to chip in for decorations, after she made it clear that she didn’t care what the room looked like, and agreed that their roommates seemed to be using her to pay for their furnishings…
“NTA.”
“They want you to pay for something for them and are sore because you won’t!”
“When they are being passive-aggressive, call it out.”
“And point out their failing logic.”
“E.g. ‘I’m not stopping you’.”
“I hope you don’t get overpowered by your housemates.”
“They are both older than you.”- Time-Tie-231
“NTA.”
“What happens when one of them moves out?”
“Argue how much of 1/3 of the depreciated value of a throw pillow you are owed?”- quincebush
“NTA.”
“I love decorating.”
“I have lived with roommates who also cared immensely, and those who didn’t.”
“I have split the expenses of common spaces down the middle, paid for most everything myself, and lived in a space where my roommates paid for most all of the common decor/furniture.”
“There is no right or wrong way to handle this, exactly.”
“If it’s not important to you, then your roommates can cough up the cash and they will own the things they buy.”
“They are old enough to understand this.”
“Asking you about it is one thing.”
“Walking back their plans after you decline to chip in and pinning their decision on you is very weird.”- creakyforest
“NTA.”
“Kinda pathetic of them considering the age gap.”- Thari-97
“NTA.”
“What’s gonna happen when somebody moves out?”
“If they want them, they can buy and keep them.”- Helpful-Alligator
“NTA.”
“Decorating the common space is not your idea, and if left to your own devices, you wouldn’t decorate at all.”
“So why should you suddenly have to pay to decorate?”
“Because your roommates want to?”
“They say you should pay because you use the common areas.”
“But here’s the thing – you’re not going to derive any benefit, satisfaction, or joy from decorating, so why should you pay for it?”
“If it were something you all were going to use and benefit from, like a TV in the living room, that would be different.”- LoudCrickets72
“NTA.”
“I’m sure when they move out they’d try to take the decorations with them too even if you’d agreed to split the cost.”- gafftaped
“NTA.”
“Because if you all pool the money together and buy decorations, what happens when one moves out?”
“Everyone buys their own stuff and they then own that stuff and it goes with them when they leave.”
“That’s how it works.”- kawaeri
“NTA, you don’t find value you shouldn’t have to pay.”
“HOWEVER, maybe spend $20 on some thrifted decor because it is a cheap way to buy some goodwill with the people you cohabitate with.”
“You don’t have to, morally, but it’s probably the long-term smart thing to do.”
“The foundation of communal living is everyone compromises a little and makes it work.”-RainahReddit
“NTA at all!”
“Personally, I love to decorate and keep my own weird treasures.”
“To me, you’d be the perfect roommate, and if you objected to my life-size fiberglass great white shark replica or my life-size Aspen Film Fest Ski Dog, I’d just move them to my own room.”
“Seriously, I’d be psyched you didn’t decorate as long as you didn’t care I did.”
“I once had a roommate who insisted on hanging (admittedly) really pretty paper umbrellas upside down on our low ceilings but I felt oppressed bc… anyone over 5’9 had to duck.”
“So I felt that choice was a bit too much.”
“But I’ve had a roommate before who just wanted simplicity to feel comfortable in common areas and that was fine too.”
“None of us cared bc we could decorate our own rooms how we wanted.”
“Compromise makes good roommates.”
“I don’t understand your roommates wanting to share decor costs bc I want to be the owner of my own crap.”
“Otherwise it gets confusing.”- Andobu
“NTA.”
“You’re perfectly happy with the way it’s currently decorated.”
“It was sufficiently generous of you not to object to their adding things to the common space.”
“You are definitely not obliged to pay for something unnecessary that you don’t care about.”
“If you want to play along, suggest they go for something cheap enough that splitting the cost would be petty.”
“Maybe they could paint a mural on the wall.”- extinct_diplodocus
“NTA, they can decorate if they feel the need to.”
“This is like demanding everyone chips in to buy scented candles: not everyone takes any pleasure in those.”- Individual_You_6586
“Your new roommates are trying to take advantage of you.”
“And failing.”
“Good for you!”
“Don’t let them scam you.”
“NTA.”- theoldman-1313
“NTA.”
“Your apartment isn’t a Sims build challenge.”- 42toenailslater
“NTA.”
“You don’t have to contribute if you don’t want to, and your roommate was wrong for blaming you, as you already have her permission to decorate by herself.”
“That being said, you may not appreciate it now, but decorations are what make a house a home.”
“You may find that there is truth to what your roommates are saying as you grow used to your independence.”- 0liv0
Certain expenses should, by all means, be shared among roommates, such as gas and electric bills, or communal items like toilet paper and paper towels.
Decorations, however, are not something everyone should be obligated to pay for.
If the OP was obliging enough to let her roommates put up their chosen decorations, then she should take the win and move on.