Though some relationships end healthily enough, other relationships end in very messy breakups and divorces.
Sometimes, the effects of the breakup might even show up years later, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Alternative_Check560 had been divorced for nearly a decade and thought that his co-parenting situation was solid enough, including when he gifted his daughter a guitar that she kept at her mother’s house.
But when his ex-wife sold the guitar, on the grounds that it still reminded her of their failed relationship and “taunted her,” the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and furious from her betrayal.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being furious that my ex-wife sold the guitar I gave my daughter?”
The OP had been divorced for nearly a decade.
“Some background” My ex-wife (33 Female) and I (33 Male) got divorced when we were 24… nine years ago. Since then, she has remarried and been with her new husband for almost six years.”
The OP was supportive of his daughter learning to play the guitar.
“One of my daughters (11 Female) recently got into learning how to play the guitar, and because I have multiple, I gave her one of mine so she can practice when she is at her mom’s house.”
“The guitar has a lot of sentimental value to me. I’ve played it at some of my friends’ weddings, at a good friend’s funeral, and a lot of other memories as well, including playing it for my daughter when she was an infant to get her to fall asleep.”
“That being said, I found it kind of fitting for her to take over that guitar and start playing it herself now that she’s taken an interest in it, and then today this happened.”
The OP then shared a very troubling text exchange.
When the OP couldn’t immediately call, his ex-wife texted:
“It’s fine. I decided. I sold that guitar you gave [our daughter] and bought her a new one, but I had it narrowed down to two.”
The OP was incredulous.
“WTF? What do you mean you sold that guitar? Why? And where?”
“I’ve had that guitar for 15 years and it had a lot of sentimental value to me, which is why I found it fitting for her to learn on it.”
“Why would you even sell it without talking to me?”
The OP’s ex-wife texted back:
“We were married. You think I don’t recognize that guitar? LOL.”
“So what, I’m supposed to see it in my house every day and be reminded of you and then get sad? I don’t think so.”
“It was a little too big for her anyway. I got her a smaller one.”
The OP’s ex-wife then accused him:
“It’s low-key kind of f**ked up anyway [that] you even want it here to taunt me.”
The OP challenged:
“To taunt you? WTF is wrong with you?”
“We’ve been divorced for nine years and you’re remarried. ‘Taunting’ you or thinking you’d get caught up in old feelings was not even a blip on my radar.”
“You didn’t think to talk to me about it first? Did you even ask her? Or did you just decide to take it coincidentally when she’s at school and has no say in the matter?”
The OP’s ex-wife didn’t see what the problem was.
“LOL, [you’re] ridiculous.”
“I didn’t ask her because I wanted to surprise her.”
“You don’t think she’d want her own guitar instead of her dad’s hand-me-down?”
“It’s not a big deal. Why are you so [p**sed] off?”
The OP called to confront his ex-wife.
“After our text convo, I called my ex-wife and learned she sold it for $350 and bought a guitar for about $150. She’s always been the money-hungry type, and I can’t help but feel like she took advantage of an opportunity to make a quick $200.”
“She started crying on the phone, calling me an insensitive asshole, and said she didn’t like seeing it in the house because it made her too emotional.”
“The thing is, too, my daughter was honored to get that guitar, and I know she wasn’t complaining or calling it a ‘hand me down.'”
“I’m not trying to be insensitive to how she’s feeling, but I also feel like she’s using that as an excuse. Even if she was feeling any sort of way about it, why not talk to me about it first, or give me an opportunity to get the guitar back and get my daughter a different one before taking matters into her own hands?”
“AIO or was she out of line?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were infuriated by how disrespectful the OP’s ex-wife had been.
“NOR, dude. I can’t stand my kids’ mom 99% of the time, but I would never in a million years sell something she gave to our kid. Then the whole ‘taunting’ her thing, especially this long after the divorce, who the f**k thinks like that?!” – SendThatPlease
“She was out of line. That guitar wasn’t hers to sell, and the fact that it had meaning for both you and your daughter makes it worse.”
“If it truly bothered her to have it in the house, the right thing would’ve been to talk to you and work out another solution. Selling something sentimental behind your back for quick cash is selfish, not sensitive. You’re not wrong to feel upset.” – Techand_Tea
“I’d be making her buy that guitar back immediately, at whatever rate the seller will part with it for. She’s either intentionally malicious with her actions or the dumbest person I’ve met.”
“Willing to bet it’s the first and she’s well aware that the guitar meant a lot to him and his daughter. She knew what she was doing.” – Double-Scratch5858
“I would say report it stolen, but you know best on whether it’s worth the drama. Ask your daughter if she wants it back. Hopefully, you can tell whether her ‘it’s fine’ actually means it or is trying to be polite.”
“20 years ago, my dad sold his old leather bomber jacket at a yard sale. I didn’t realize he was selling it until it was too late, and I was too shy to speak up when someone was buying it. I told him I would have kept it and worn it afterwards, and felt bad that I told him, as then he was sad and said he would have given it to me.”
“Years later, I wish I had spoken up and stopped the sale as it held so much sentimental value, and I would have loved to wear it. I’ve never been able to find a similar one that I could afford.”
“Your daughter is 11, so she may not have as much attachment to it right now, but I would still recommend asking her if she wants you to try to track it down. She might be able to get the info from her mom (or maybe the new husband if he’s not a d**k).”
“It was a spiteful, greedy, and cruel move on your Ex’s part to sell it in the first place.” – Krafty_Koala
Others were certain that the OP’s ex-wife had done some irrevocable damage to her relationship with their daughter.
“You’re NOR. If my mother had done this with my father’s guitars during custody or after… I can’t even think straight.”
“My dad gifted me his guitars in 2023 after he got too sick to play anymore. I have a rough relationship with my dad. The guitars are one beautiful thing I cherish.” – chels2112
“My guess, she’ll never forgive her mother for this. She will likely remember you gifting her this, and be incredibly sad, more so if she can’t get her mom to get it back. Even more likely, she probably knows what kind of person her mom is. It’s sad.”
“However, I recognize it; my mom (‘surprise’) turned my sister’s car into the dealership while she was at school, and came home with some bright blue thing my sister did NOT want, had no choice in, and, oh, then mom told her, by the way, she now had car payments for the next five years…”
“NOR. Some people are unreal.” – smushcakes
“I feel so bad for her, OMG. Screw the ex, just be there for ur daughter because her mom is using her in her vendetta, and that kind of stuff is really hard on a child.”
“I’m sorry this happened, genuinely, because that could have been something beautiful passed down for generations. Breaks my heart.” – Opalmoon98
“A decent guitar that had over nine years of life and sentimental value? That thing was probably worth way more than $350. She basically scammed her own kid’s gift to pocket some quick cash.”
“Your daughter’s gonna figure out real quick that mom traded her meaningful instrument for some cheap starter guitar. That’s gonna sting more than any ’emotional feelings’ about seeing an ex’s guitar around the house.” – Commercial_Neat7942
“Check in with your daughter. I’m guessing this isn’t the first thing like this mom has done. And this is about more than a guitar.”
“Take her out for dinner or go on some sort of adventure when you have her next, where you can talk. Just see how things are going with her, how mom is treating her, and talk about the guitar as an opener.”
“I saw this happen with a friend whose parents divorced between seventh and eighth grade; the more the daughter grew after the divorce to have her own personality and interests (and God forbid those interests are shared or influenced by dad or dad’s family), and progressed on her self-actualising journey, the more absolute of a controlling witch her mom became.”
“Lots of really ridiculous microaggressions like this, because mom was losing control. Mom was losing her identity as ‘poor single mom’.”
“Tried to sue for more custody and child support and stop dad’s visitation, tried to get dad and dad’s family banned from coming to see his daughter in sports, choir, school play, graduation, the works.”
“Continued into college until the daughter went no contact and moved to another state and another school. (Mom shortly married a boyfriend and started a whole new family.)”
“Get your guard up, dad, and just do a welfare check on your kid. Cause I highly doubt this is just about money.” – FewFuture3116
The OP later shared an update in a comment.
“First of all, I just want to say I was overwhelmed by all the responses, but I greatly appreciate everyone’s genuine care, advice, and willingness to help. I’ve had a lot of you reach out and offer to buy her a new guitar or pitch in money to try and buy back the one I lost, and while I would never take anyone’s money, it is such an awesome sentiment that I am grateful for.”
“So, it turns out she sold it to somebody on Facebook Marketplace. She wouldn’t give me the information of the guy who bought it, only saying that she reached out to him and he didn’t want to sell it back, not even for an extra $100.”
“I don’t believe her, but whatever. I made a post on Facebook about it, hoping it would get a hit in some local groups, but ended up deleting it a few hours later, and I’ll explain why in a minute.”
“I did reach out to my attorney, and unfortunately, he doesn’t see her breaking anything stated directly in my custody order. He does think that if I wanted to take her to small claims court, I’d have a fair shot of at least getting her to pay me what the guitar was worth. However, I am not going to do that. It was never about the money, and the court is just more trouble than it’s worth.”
The moment the OP shared later with his daughter let him know everything would be okay.
“I talked to my daughter when she got out of school, and she was extremely disappointed that her mom would do something like that. We had a long talk and a bittersweet moment where she teared up and said as much as losing the guitar sucks, it doesn’t take away the memories that were already created.”
“She said she will still be able to envision when I taught her to strum her first chord or sang with her when she was a toddler. There are a few songs that are meaningful to us, and we can still play them together on any guitar, and while that doesn’t make the situation better, it was still a heartfelt moment, and I was proud she was able to have a positive attitude about it.”
“After a while, we came to the conclusion that she didn’t want to keep chasing the guitar, knowing it would be a shot in the dark, and also knowing that her mom would get some joy in me being discouraged by it. We didn’t want to give her that satisfaction.”
“So with that, we deleted my post and took her new guitar back to Guitar Center with the receipt and returned it. I let her pick a different one, one she actually had a say in getting. I paid the difference from the cash we got back from the return.”
“My ex-wife got her nails done at some point today, presumably with the extra cash she pocketed, but the night ended with a happy child, and an ex-wife who hopefully is going to bed knowing she holds no power over me with her actions.”
“In a way, I feel this strengthened the bond between my daughter and me, and helped her see her mother in a different light. So in reality, my ex is the loser here and the only one she hurt most was herself, driving a wedge between her and her child.”
“My daughter is looking forward to moving past this and creating new memories that can’t be tainted with her new guitar, the one she named ‘the mother effer.’ At almost 12 years old, not sure how appropriate that is, but I love it and that’s the name we’re sticking with, LOL.”
“Thanks again to all of you who reached out, commented, and helped me see that I was not the crazy one. It’s been a h**l of a day, and I’m still a little sad, but not going to let it keep me down. Rock on, peeps!”
Though it would have been wonderful to acquire the original guitar and keep it in the family, it sounded like the OP and his daughter had done the next best thing, which was to take the power back from his ex-wife.
It was clear that she had no hold over him, though in retrospect, she probably hurt her relationship with her daughter in the process and would make her daughter much more protective of her possessions in her mother’s household in the future.