Name-calling never solves problems.
Even so, as our emotions are one of the few things in life we genuinely have no control over, we sometimes find ourselves calling people names against our better judgment.
A decision we often live to regret.
That being said, if name-calling never solves problems, the names we call people aren’t always inaccurate.
Redditor aitauselessdad recently paid a visit to a friend and her family.
Shortly after the original poster (OP)’s arrival, their friend found herself in a state of distress.
While the OP did her best to handle the situation, they had almost no help from their friend’s husband, leading the OP to use a few choice words.
Fearing that they may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my friends husband a useless piece of sh*t?”
The OP explained why they found themselves resorting to name-calling with their friend’s husband:
“My best friend and her husband have 4 kids, 8 F[emale], 6 F, 4F, and 3F.”
“My friend’s husband is a great dad when someone is there to help.”
“When he’s alone with all 4 kids he gets overwhelmed and freezes.”
“A few weeks ago my friend was sick so I brought over dinner.”
“We thought it was just a bad cold.”
“When we were eating, my friend went to the bathroom and the 3 year old followed her.”
“3 year old came running out saying her mom was throwing up.”
“All of the kids ran to the bathroom, followed by me and my friend’s husband.”
“I helped her clean up while her husband went to get her nausea medicine and a thermometer.”
“When he came back I asked him to get the kids out of the bathroom so she could have some space.”
“After we got the kids out, I took her temp and it came back at almost 104, so I went out to get her some Tylenol and water.”
“I get back and the kids are all in the bathroom again because their dad can’t keep them away from the bathroom for 2 minutes.”
“I give her the Tylenol and water and she almost immediately starts to vomit again, then passes out.”
“Her husband just stood there while I was trying to get her into recovery position, get the kids away from her, and call 911.”
“I managed to get all of them out of the bathroom and her husband is coming back every 20 seconds asking if I can call their nanny to help with the kids, if I can go to the hospital with her, did I start the dishwasher or does he need to hand wash the youngest’s sippy cup, etc.”
“When my friend regained consciousness, he even started asking her how to do bedtime for the little ones, did she wash their pajamas yet, did they get screen time that day or can he put on a movie.”
“I told him his wife couldn’t hold his hand right now and he just had to figure it out.”
“He told me he’s not usually the one that deals with this and he’s trying his best, then goes back to asking what stories the kids like, what setting does he put the sound machine on, and how do they like their milk.”
“I just snapped and told him to figure it out on his own and called him a useless piece of sh*t.”
“It’s been nearly a month and he still acts all pissy when I stop by the house.”
“My friend says he’ll get over it but my boyfriend thinks I was unnecessarily rude and he was trying his best.”
“AITA for calling him a useless piece of sh*t when he couldn’t handle his own kids while his wife was experiencing a medical emergency?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for calling their friend’s husband a “useless piece of sh*t.”
Everyone agreed that while the OP’s choice of words was indeed strong, they were also representative of how she was feeling in the heat of the moment, and their friend’s husband deserved to hear it:
“NTA.”
“Wife unconscious, he’s asking about bedtime stories and sippy cups.”
“Sometimes harsh truth is needed.”- Traditional_Bench655
“NTA.”
“Dad of 2 boys under the age of 9 and nothing pisses me off more than lazy, uninvolved dads.”
“It’s not rocket science, it’s freaking bedtime.”
“And it’s appalling he knows nothing about the bedtime routine.”
“Those are some of my best times/memories with my boys.”- Sandman1025
“NTA, his wife was literally UNCONSCIOUS, and he couldn’t figure out bedtime?”
“She had a fever of 104°, and he couldn’t figure out pj’s or sippy cups or something to put on for the kids?”
“Let alone keep them out of the bathroom for more than 20 seconds?”
“He IS a useless a**hole.”- VexedVixen69
“Sounds like she has 5 kids.”
“NTA.”- Snoo_46594
“I’m sorry for laughing right now, but the fact that he’s pissed off is hilarious.”
“You were absolutely right and NTA.”- CorrectAdhesiveness9
“NTA.”
“He wasn’t managing the kids while you were helping your friend AND he wasn’t the one attending to his gravely sick wife.”
“He did nothing and that is the very definition of useless.”
“Emergencies happen.”
“Next time it could be one of the kids.”
“If he can’t handle emergencies, he needs to do whatever self-work is needed to fix it immediately.”
“Explain to your friend precisely how useless he was when she was unconscious on the floor.”
“What if you hadn’t been there?”- Spicy_Molasses4259
“NTA.”
“Let’s be honest: he should know how to do those things, and it’s not rocket science.”
“Did you start the dishwasher?”
“Does he have eyes?”
“Or ears?”
“There are clearly some bigger issues for you and mum to be dealing with right now!”
“It’s ridiculous that he has no idea how to parent his own children, or even how to figure it out.”
“It’s an emergency situation—who cares if they’ve already had screen time. put on a movie, warm up some milk to roughly the right temperature, and keep them out of the way.”
“It doesn’t have to be done perfectly; it just needs to be done.”
“Emergency situation or not, what you called him was accurate in the moment.”
“I sure hope he’s started doing all those things now.”- Technical_Soup_6863
“NTA.”
“His wife was having a medical emergency and he didn’t even seem to care.”
“The fact that he was asking her about pajamas and bedtime stories after she regained consciousness is horrid.”
“She deserves better.”
“Also the kids deserve better.”
“The fact that he knows absolutely nothing about their bedtime routine speaks volumes.”-Gaberahamj
“NTA.”
“But your friend is doing a huge disservice to herself and those children if she stays with him.”
“A marriage to spite her Dad doesn’t make the guy she married a good Dad or husband.”
“She sees no issue with the fact that she has to call a nanny every single time something happens?”
“She and those kids deserve better.”
“Also, you did amazing handling it all and in calling him out.”
“This random internet stranger is proud of you.”
“Also about your boyfriend.”
“Why is he defending a dude who is useless?”- Euphoric_Math3673
“NTA.”
“Your friend has five kids.”
“Not 4.”
“Also, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he asked you to call the nanny, then started grilling his incredibly sick wife right after she passed out.”
“He’s not a good dad.”
“What you called him was putting it mildly.”- ThinConsideration948
“NTA.”
“He should be ashamed of himself.”
“People react in stressful situations very differently, and while you didn’t need to call him a P o S, he was causing more stress.”
“He should apologize for his lack of response, and hopefully he has to his wife at the very least.”-threebecomeone
“Jesus, he had 8 years to learn how to do all that and four kids to learn by repetition.”
“NTA, he’s not at all a great dad, he acts like a secretary in training who just helps out but is not allowed to make any decisions and is incapable of doing so.”
“He really is a useless a**hole.”- faulty_rainbow
“NTA.”
“An adult should know to prioritize a medical emergency over dishes and screen time.”
“Hopefully, he’s not one of those worse-than-useless people who deputize the eldest girl to ‘help’ with the littler kids.”
“Aka be the stand-in mom because he’s too incompetent to know what to do and too impotent to make a parenting decision.”
“If he doesn’t want to be called out for his uselessness, he needs to work on being useful.”
“Starting by actually talking to his kids.”
“‘Have you had screen time today and what’s your favorite bedtime story’ are things a 3-year-old can answer.”
“He should have the nanny on speed dial.”
“Does speed dial still exist?”
“If he needs hand-holding, he should be able to call someone who isn’t sick.”-
StarsForget
The OP calling her friend’s husband a “useless piece of sh*t” didn’t really do anything to solve the problem at hand.
However, perhaps being called that could have positive long-term effects.
After all, one imagines he doesn’t want to be viewed that way by many other people.
Hopefully leading to an improvement in his behavior.