Woman Irate After Learning Her Boyfriend Secretly Tracks Her Period To Avoid Arguments

The idea of women being criticized for their menstrual cycle and being accused of acting "too emotional" is nothing new, but in 2025, that's all the more reason for a woman to seek out an educated and empathetic partner.

Dating someone who uses menstrual symptoms and associated moods as a means to criticize their partner is not an option, argued the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor narlaaplushyy was at first surprised when she noticed that her boyfriend had her menstrual cycle synced on his phone, but when she found out it was to "prepare" himself, it gave her pause.

But when he revealed that he'd even kept track of their arguments, blaming her cycle and mood swings for the uptick, the Original Poster (OP) was insulted and creeped out by his notetaking.

She asked the sub:

"AIO for being creeped out that my boyfriend has been tracking my periods without me knowing?"

The OP recently found a confusing notification on her boyfriend's phone.

"So last night I saw a notification pop up on my boyfriend's phone that literally said, 'It's her time, watch out!' with a warning sign."

"I asked him what that was, and he casually admitted he's been setting reminders for when my period starts. He never told me he was doing this."

But her boyfriend's reasoning for the reminders gave her pause.

"When I confronted him, he told me he tracks it because I 'always start fights at the same time of the month,' and he wants to know when I'm being 'emotional and irrational.'"

But then the OP found out that her cycle was not all her boyfriend was tracking.

"That already felt awful, but it gets worse…"

"He then admitted he's been journaling our arguments and keeping a spreadsheet to 'prove' that most of our disagreements happen when I'm on my period."

"He literally told me I should thank him because it's 'mature' and keeps our relationship stable."

"He even said he'd show me the data when he gets home, like it's some kind of science project."

The first screenshot of their conversation is here:

After the OP's boyfriend confirmed he'd set the alert months ago, the OP asked:

"[You] set it without telling me?!"

"Why do [you] need to track that, and why not just communicate with me instead of [doing] it behind my back?"

The OP's boyfriend thought his actions were reasonable.

"You always start fights at the same time of the month, so I thought I would track it, so I know when you're going to be emotional and irrational. It's not that deep."

But the OP felt weirded out.

"...[You] literally tracked my body so [you] can call me irrational."

The OP's boyfriend was certain he was doing the right thing.

"It's practical as far as I'm concerned. You should be thanking me; it keeps our relationship stable, and I have proof."

u/narlaaplushyy/Reddit

The second screenshot of their conversation is here:

But the OP's boyfriend was tracking more about their relationship than just her cycles.

"I also journaled the arguments we have had while you have been bleeding these last months and the data does show more volume of arguments when you are bleeding, and also the topics that the arguments are about are very ridiculous."

The OP was shocked.

"[What the actual f**k?] This is worse than imagined."

"[You] got a spreadsheet and data entry process for this?! I don't even know what to say or think. It's creepy."

The OP's boyfriend thought the OP was overreacting.

"LOL, whatever. Don't make this a drama. I bet if you ask your friends' boyfriends, they also do something along these lines."

"If it's not for me taking this mature approach to the situation, we wouldn't have lasted. Just think about that for a sec. Don't respond so quickly. READ what I'm saying and UNDERSTAND."

u/narlaaplushyy/Reddit

The OP felt conflicted.

"Am I overreacting for thinking this is super creepy and controlling? Or is this actually 'normal' guy behavior and I just didn't realize?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some thought this was very creepy and controlling, and they confirmed the OP was NOR.

"I keep an eye on her tracker on her phone because I'm always interested in her health, and the cycle does impact how the month rolls around. She's also diabetic, so the endocrin system just holds a ton of impact in our lives."

"But a spreadsheet about arguments means he wanted some gotcha moment, and he wanted to use the fact that he won the gender lottery as a tool to leverage his superiority over her."

"There's lots of benign ways to be interested enough to track a period. His little 'watch out' alarm said it all. He was trying to build a case against her, not show general interest in her health." - HumanEjectButton

"I take notes of my husband and I's fights solely so I can talk about them with my therapist and learn how I could have responded better. But keeping track of his wrongdoings to catch him off guard, or even use it against him in the future….WTF?" - midgetthepuff

"My boyfriend tracks my period so he understands my cravings, gets me foods and snacks I want. Checks to see if I have tampons. Sometimes he laughs at me crying at something as simple as a commercial, which is actually very funny!"

"This guy isn't being patronizing; he's intentionally doing it to be a d**k. He's keeping logs of their arguments lol it's wild." - SparklyLeo_

"Nothing like a jacka** saying mean and unpleasant things and then ending it with a 'love ya.'"

"Maybe some guys do this, I am in my mid-40s, I have never even contemplated doing this, nor have I ever had any guy friends that admitted to doing it. It seems weird." - Undeadlord

"The tracking isn't so bad, but I'd loathe someone talking to me like that. That's not a relationship I'd be interested in personally."

"No empathy or emotional intelligence. This dude must've never had women as friends to think describing them as emotional and irrational on their period is a good idea."

"My partner knows full and well that he just needs to be supportive and sensitive during that time and that if he calls me either of those words, he will be in a world of hurt." - Flat_Ostrich_5434

Others pointed out that it wasn't the tracking that bothered them but how the OP's boyfriend talked to her.

"'Hey, yeah, sorry, I should have told you, but I just wanted a reminder each month so I can be more sensitive to what you might be experiencing,' would have spun this a totally different way."

"It's his responses and how he's telling you that suck more than that he's set a reminder about it." - Beginning-Muffin-649

"The 'I have proof' really got me from annoyed to disgusted reading it. I wouldn't want to be with a person with that mindset, collecting evidence against me and finding it totally rational and 'keeping the relationship stable.'" - JustMeLurkingAround-

"Maybe this is petty, but the way he said 'arguments whilst you're bleeding' made me think he has such a little understanding about what periods are. Like they're not just blood. And I know for me I can be more sensitive the week before I even start bleeding." - gameofgrooms_

"It's not the fact that he's tracking your period that's bothering me; it's the way he speaks to you that really rubs me the wrong way…"

"If he truly respected you and realised your arguments increased with your period, you'd think someone who loves you would have some empathy? Instead of using the word 'irrational' to talk down on you?"

"I'm getting very weird misogynistic undertones from his messages. Does he talk down on you in other situations? How does he act when you're on your period?" - Sweaty-Notice641

"There are times when we are not at our best do to hormones or environmental factors. My partner gets easily enraged when she's hungry. I'm a grumpy gremlin if I'm short on sleep and an absolute road-rager."

"Observing when we are not at our best can be a great way to support each other by being more understanding with the other when we are being a little moody."

"But that's what it should be, support. We both recognize it and allow each other to voice it (put an argument on hold until we are both in a good state). However, if I found out my partner was tracking and keeping logs about it, I would be weirded out."

"Also, no one (men included) is immune to irrational/emotional decision-making to environmental circumstances (judges give more severe sentences before lunch). The fact that he calls her irrational without acknowledging he is too is not great." - Sunandmoonandstuff

But there were some Redditors who thought that the OP and her boyfriend were both overreacting and needed to revisit this at another time.

"You both are overreacting." - undiscoveredbabe

"I think it's hilarious that his POV is basically 'you become very irrational and want to fight about everything during this time of the month' and then she gets upset and posts it to Reddit during her period week"

"Like he's kinda a d**k about it, but d**n if she's not proving his point for him." - LngJhnSilversRaylee

"A rational person doesn't hear all this and go, 'Dang, this guy is creepy!' They stop and question their own behavior that's led to these observations and consider that it just might be true."

"If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't be mad; I'd be thankful and want to go over the data together and then come up with a plan for what I could change to stop being unreasonable for 25% of my life. If her period causes a noticeable negative shift in her behavior every month, then there is something wrong that she needs to address." - ComeSeptember

"I was cracking up reading it, like yeah, you are kind of proving his point here. Now, what he needs to do is take this information and learn that the way he is speaking to her is only making things worse. Speaking logically to someone who is emotional doesn't usually help, especially speaking so bluntly and with so little tact."

"None of the actual content of what he was saying is actually bad, but the way he is saying it is no way to speak to a partner, regardless of gender or hormone cycle. But during pms, he is pretty much guaranteeing a fight."

"Maybe an apology for what the reminder actually said, because it is insensitive and rude. Then explaining that her cycle is his cycle as well because they are partners. Framing it as a positive thing and a team effort would have gotten him way further than the condescending and matter of fact tone of these texts."

"Like dude, you know she is extra emotional and possibly irrational right now, so maybe don't try to use pure reason and try a more emotionally sensitive approach." - Solid-Rate-309

"As someone with PMDD, I think OP needs to revisit this in a week or two and decide if she's overreacting."

"All these comments are calling the guy out, but it sounds like she is irrational and quick to anger."

"He has absolutely no tact and seems arrogant as hell, but she seemed rearing for a fight. Hell had my ex not started to "track" my period, I would have never got my PMDD diagnosis." - DisFamisDisgusting

Though the subReddit was somewhat divided about whether tracking the OP's periods and argument history was a breach of her trust, they did feel that better communication needed to take place. It was one thing for the boyfriend to want to take care of the OP and avoid further confrontation, but it was another for him to in some way weaponize her symptoms.