The idea of women being criticized for their menstrual cycle and being accused of acting "too emotional" is nothing new, but in 2025, that's all the more reason for a woman to seek out an educated and empathetic partner.
Dating someone who uses menstrual symptoms and associated moods as a means to criticize their partner is not an option, argued the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor narlaaplushyy was at first surprised when she noticed that her boyfriend had her menstrual cycle synced on his phone, but when she found out it was to "prepare" himself, it gave her pause.
But when he revealed that he'd even kept track of their arguments, blaming her cycle and mood swings for the uptick, the Original Poster (OP) was insulted and creeped out by his notetaking.
She asked the sub:
"AIO for being creeped out that my boyfriend has been tracking my periods without me knowing?"
The OP recently found a confusing notification on her boyfriend's phone.
"So last night I saw a notification pop up on my boyfriend's phone that literally said, 'It's her time, watch out!' with a warning sign."
"I asked him what that was, and he casually admitted he's been setting reminders for when my period starts. He never told me he was doing this."
But her boyfriend's reasoning for the reminders gave her pause.
"When I confronted him, he told me he tracks it because I 'always start fights at the same time of the month,' and he wants to know when I'm being 'emotional and irrational.'"
But then the OP found out that her cycle was not all her boyfriend was tracking.
"That already felt awful, but it gets worse…"
"He then admitted he's been journaling our arguments and keeping a spreadsheet to 'prove' that most of our disagreements happen when I'm on my period."
"He literally told me I should thank him because it's 'mature' and keeps our relationship stable."
"He even said he'd show me the data when he gets home, like it's some kind of science project."
The first screenshot of their conversation is here:
After the OP's boyfriend confirmed he'd set the alert months ago, the OP asked:
"[You] set it without telling me?!""Why do [you] need to track that, and why not just communicate with me instead of [doing] it behind my back?"
The OP's boyfriend thought his actions were reasonable.
"You always start fights at the same time of the month, so I thought I would track it, so I know when you're going to be emotional and irrational. It's not that deep."
But the OP felt weirded out.
"...[You] literally tracked my body so [you] can call me irrational."
The OP's boyfriend was certain he was doing the right thing.
"It's practical as far as I'm concerned. You should be thanking me; it keeps our relationship stable, and I have proof."
u/narlaaplushyy/Reddit
The second screenshot of their conversation is here:
But the OP's boyfriend was tracking more about their relationship than just her cycles.
"I also journaled the arguments we have had while you have been bleeding these last months and the data does show more volume of arguments when you are bleeding, and also the topics that the arguments are about are very ridiculous."
The OP was shocked.
"[What the actual f**k?] This is worse than imagined.""[You] got a spreadsheet and data entry process for this?! I don't even know what to say or think. It's creepy."
The OP's boyfriend thought the OP was overreacting.
"LOL, whatever. Don't make this a drama. I bet if you ask your friends' boyfriends, they also do something along these lines.""If it's not for me taking this mature approach to the situation, we wouldn't have lasted. Just think about that for a sec. Don't respond so quickly. READ what I'm saying and UNDERSTAND."
u/narlaaplushyy/Reddit
The OP felt conflicted.
"Am I overreacting for thinking this is super creepy and controlling? Or is this actually 'normal' guy behavior and I just didn't realize?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some thought this was very creepy and controlling, and they confirmed the OP was NOR.
"I keep an eye on her tracker on her phone because I'm always interested in her health, and the cycle does impact how the month rolls around. She's also diabetic, so the endocrin system just holds a ton of impact in our lives."
"But a spreadsheet about arguments means he wanted some gotcha moment, and he wanted to use the fact that he won the gender lottery as a tool to leverage his superiority over her."
"There's lots of benign ways to be interested enough to track a period. His little 'watch out' alarm said it all. He was trying to build a case against her, not show general interest in her health." - HumanEjectButton
"I take notes of my husband and I's fights solely so I can talk about them with my therapist and learn how I could have responded better. But keeping track of his wrongdoings to catch him off guard, or even use it against him in the future….WTF?" - midgetthepuff
"My boyfriend tracks my period so he understands my cravings, gets me foods and snacks I want. Checks to see if I have tampons. Sometimes he laughs at me crying at something as simple as a commercial, which is actually very funny!"
"This guy isn't being patronizing; he's intentionally doing it to be a d**k. He's keeping logs of their arguments lol it's wild." - SparklyLeo_
"Nothing like a jacka** saying mean and unpleasant things and then ending it with a 'love ya.'"
"Maybe some guys do this, I am in my mid-40s, I have never even contemplated doing this, nor have I ever had any guy friends that admitted to doing it. It seems weird." - Undeadlord
"The tracking isn't so bad, but I'd loathe someone talking to me like that. That's not a relationship I'd be interested in personally."
"No empathy or emotional intelligence. This dude must've never had women as friends to think describing them as emotional and irrational on their period is a good idea."
"My partner knows full and well that he just needs to be supportive and sensitive during that time and that if he calls me either of those words, he will be in a world of hurt." - Flat_Ostrich_5434
Others pointed out that it wasn't the tracking that bothered them but how the OP's boyfriend talked to her.
"'Hey, yeah, sorry, I should have told you, but I just wanted a reminder each month so I can be more sensitive to what you might be experiencing,' would have spun this a totally different way."
"It's his responses and how he's telling you that suck more than that he's set a reminder about it." - Beginning-Muffin-649
"The 'I have proof' really got me from annoyed to disgusted reading it. I wouldn't want to be with a person with that mindset, collecting evidence against me and finding it totally rational and 'keeping the relationship stable.'" - JustMeLurkingAround-
"Maybe this is petty, but the way he said 'arguments whilst you're bleeding' made me think he has such a little understanding about what periods are. Like they're not just blood. And I know for me I can be more sensitive the week before I even start bleeding." - gameofgrooms_
"It's not the fact that he's tracking your period that's bothering me; it's the way he speaks to you that really rubs me the wrong way…"
"If he truly respected you and realised your arguments increased with your period, you'd think someone who loves you would have some empathy? Instead of using the word 'irrational' to talk down on you?"
"I'm getting very weird misogynistic undertones from his messages. Does he talk down on you in other situations? How does he act when you're on your period?" - Sweaty-Notice641
"There are times when we are not at our best do to hormones or environmental factors. My partner gets easily enraged when she's hungry. I'm a grumpy gremlin if I'm short on sleep and an absolute road-rager."
"Observing when we are not at our best can be a great way to support each other by being more understanding with the other when we are being a little moody."
"But that's what it should be, support. We both recognize it and allow each other to voice it (put an argument on hold until we are both in a good state). However, if I found out my partner was tracking and keeping logs about it, I would be weirded out."
"Also, no one (men included) is immune to irrational/emotional decision-making to environmental circumstances (judges give more severe sentences before lunch). The fact that he calls her irrational without acknowledging he is too is not great." - Sunandmoonandstuff
But there were some Redditors who thought that the OP and her boyfriend were both overreacting and needed to revisit this at another time.
"You both are overreacting." - undiscoveredbabe
"I think it's hilarious that his POV is basically 'you become very irrational and want to fight about everything during this time of the month' and then she gets upset and posts it to Reddit during her period week"
"Like he's kinda a d**k about it, but d**n if she's not proving his point for him." - LngJhnSilversRaylee
"A rational person doesn't hear all this and go, 'Dang, this guy is creepy!' They stop and question their own behavior that's led to these observations and consider that it just might be true."
"If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't be mad; I'd be thankful and want to go over the data together and then come up with a plan for what I could change to stop being unreasonable for 25% of my life. If her period causes a noticeable negative shift in her behavior every month, then there is something wrong that she needs to address." - ComeSeptember
"I was cracking up reading it, like yeah, you are kind of proving his point here. Now, what he needs to do is take this information and learn that the way he is speaking to her is only making things worse. Speaking logically to someone who is emotional doesn't usually help, especially speaking so bluntly and with so little tact."
"None of the actual content of what he was saying is actually bad, but the way he is saying it is no way to speak to a partner, regardless of gender or hormone cycle. But during pms, he is pretty much guaranteeing a fight."
"Maybe an apology for what the reminder actually said, because it is insensitive and rude. Then explaining that her cycle is his cycle as well because they are partners. Framing it as a positive thing and a team effort would have gotten him way further than the condescending and matter of fact tone of these texts."
"Like dude, you know she is extra emotional and possibly irrational right now, so maybe don't try to use pure reason and try a more emotionally sensitive approach." - Solid-Rate-309
"As someone with PMDD, I think OP needs to revisit this in a week or two and decide if she's overreacting."
"All these comments are calling the guy out, but it sounds like she is irrational and quick to anger."
"He has absolutely no tact and seems arrogant as hell, but she seemed rearing for a fight. Hell had my ex not started to "track" my period, I would have never got my PMDD diagnosis." - DisFamisDisgusting
Though the subReddit was somewhat divided about whether tracking the OP's periods and argument history was a breach of her trust, they did feel that better communication needed to take place. It was one thing for the boyfriend to want to take care of the OP and avoid further confrontation, but it was another for him to in some way weaponize her symptoms.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.