“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
A very wise age-old saying.
Particularly when it comes to your personal appearance.
Indeed, it’s generally a wise idea to avoid any comments or questions regarding personal appearance, even if you think you are giving them a compliment.
As remarks about one’s appearance can easily be taken the wrong way.
Redditor Spare-Garden-8484 often came to work with a trademark wardrobe item.
A decision which piqued the curiosity of one of the original poster (OP)’s colleagues, prompting her to ask a question.
A question the OP did not appreciate, prompting him to clap back with a question of his own.
A question that sat even less well with the OP’s colleague.
Wondering if he crossed a line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For Asking Why My Co-Worker Wears Makeup Everyday?”
The OP explained why he found himself at odds with a colleague at work:
“So I (29 M[ale]) was at work during a pretty long meeting with a few other co-workers.”
“One of my co-workers is new (late 30s F[emale]) and the conversation steered around our professional experiences and history.”
“Pretty standard I guess.”
“Midway during reviewing some boring stuff this co-worker asked me with a smirk, ‘Can I ask you a question?’.”
“Since we were talking about our professional lives I was like ‘yeah sure what’s up?’, and she followed up with why do you always wear hats?”
“Now, I’ll be honest I’m bald, however I like my baldness.”
“I started balding at 21 and I was like, f*ck that, and just shaved it off instead of trying to style my hair in anyway to hide it.”
“Also since my hair is super curly and compact it just wasn’t gonna be an option.”
“In college people loved it, said I had a good head shape and said I looked like Terry Crews, Shaquille O’Neal or The Rock (not sure about that last one lol) so I was pretty confident with it.”
“But when I turned 25 I started being mistaken for 30 cause of the bald cut so I started wearing hats pretty much everywhere.”
“Grew a collection for all situations, work, gym, social life.”
“Anywhere besides weddings and funerals tbh.”
“And with hats on at 29 I’ve been mistaken to be as young as 22 (not the goal but yeah).”
“The plan was to wear them until 30 and then cut back when my head matched my age lol.”
“Anyways, this co-worker asks ‘why do you wear hats everyday?'”
“To be fair it’s a corporate setting but it’s also tech, we’re in marketing and it’s 2025 so smart-casual is the rule of thumb and my bosses don’t care and dress in hoodies and hats to work some days.”
“I responded ‘I like hats’, and she said ‘but everyday?’, so I said ‘yeah I’m bald, I like my head shape but I don’t wanna look like I’m 35 so I’ll wear hats for now, plus I look good in them!’.”
“Now I wasn’t thinking and she’s probably around this 35 age or older so I may have offended her with that but she replied ’29 and wearing hats everyday to hide? Wow’.”
“This struck a nerve with me so I responded ‘Well since joining I’ve seen you wear makeup everyday, even casual Fridays or on your work from home team calls, so why do YOU wear makeup everyday?'”
“There was a muffled giggle but it’s clear the atmosphere was tense’.”
“She got heated and said ‘that’s a sexist question’ and I said ‘How?'”
“‘Other women in the office don’t wear makeup everyday and my boyfriend sometimes wears makeup when we go out to a high class event’.”
“‘He just doesn’t do it everyday’.”
“‘So why do you wear makeup everyday?'”
“She got heated and silent and one of the other co-workers went back to focusing on the deck.”
“I feel like her and I not on the best of terms now as she will not talk to me now.”
“So, AITA for asking why my co-worker wears makeup everyday?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found very little support from the Reddit community.
Many people didn’t think anyone came off looking particularly good in this situation, feeling that the question made by the OP’s colleague was inappropriate, but the OP didn’t need to sink to her level:
“ESH.”
“She was being inappropriate, but you were at work.”
“The way to come out of that interaction in the clear is to say something like ‘as interesting as it is, I think we’ve talked about my hat enough for the day, what’s everyone doing on the weekend?’, not to be equally weird to prove a point.”
“There’s no air horns, nobody’s going to clap.”- ButterEnriched
“ESH.”
“Even leaving aside questions of sexism in the workplace.”
“ESH.”
“She clearly wanted to say ‘I think it’s dumb that you wear hats every single day’.”
“Instead she cross examined you on your perfectly work appropriate style.”
“You then wanted to say ‘the way you cross examined me about my style was invasive and not okay/annoyed me/hurt my feelings’.”
“Instead you went on to do the exact thing you didn’t like, to her.”
“To what, teach her a lesson?”
“You knew how sh*tty it felt, so what, you wanted her to feel as sh*tty as you did and now wonder why she won’t talk to you?”
“So yeah.”
“ESH.”- hurricanescout
“ESH.”
“Her first question wasn’t rude.”
“Benefit of the doubt, it’s genuine curiosity.”
“Her follow up question was sounded a bit judgmental, still not a**hole behavior though.”
“Her comment at the end, though, was very a**hol-y.”
“Your question was only designed to hit back at her, so a**hole.”
“FYI – men being bald is nowhere near as stigmatized as women not wearing makeup in the workplace.”- -ciscoholdmusic-
“Just embrace being bald, my guy.”
“If you use a hat to hide it, then everyone will assume you’re embarrassed by it.”
“Trust me: no one cares as much as you do, and just living with it out in the open comes off as more confident.”
“That being said, ESH.”
“She’s making a big deal out of something you’re clearly self-conscious about, and you’re firing back to spite her.”- BewareNixonsGhost
Others, however, felt the OP took an unnecessarily low blow, which was uncalled for, no matter what his colleague may have asked him:
“Bro, you opened yourself up to that by going into extreme detail about why you wear hats.”
“Was she trying to be rude by saying ‘wow’?”
“Maybe she felt bad that you are so preoccupied with your age and appearance.”
“Then you escalated things by going on about her wearing makeup.”
“Are you 12?”
“That’s the kind of response I’d expect from a child, not an almost-30-year-old.”
“But that tracks with today’s overly sensitive youth.”
“YTA.”
“Grow up and learn to pick your battles.”- toxicshocktaco
“YTA.”
“You admitted that you wear hats a lot, 100% of the time in a corporate environment (everywhere but funerals).”
“That’s weird.”
“You also admitted that you are sensitive about your baldness and perceived age.”
“That’s normal.”
“She asked about the weird thing, and hit a nerve.”
“You came back over-the-top (ie, made everyone tense).”
“So YTA.”
“You’re bald.”
“You look older than your age.”
“So what?”
“I guarantee you draw way more weird looks through 100% hat coverage than you would by looking 30 years old.”- Bubbafett33
“YTA.”
“Mostly for the baity title.”
“Secondly, for the faux ‘it’s the same question’.”
“The third (and final reason it wasn’t ESH) for ignoring that their question may have been genuine (as hats aren’t normally part of corporate dress codes, whereas makeup is almost an unspoken requirement for women) but yours was ABSOLUTELY intended to cause harm/snipe.”- thejexorcist
There were, however, a select few who felt the OP handled the situation just right. If their colleague was uncomfortable with a question regarding her physical appearance, she shouldn’t have asked him a question about his:
“NTA.”
“A lot of people feel entitled to comment on or poke fun at baldness, but these people never seem to tolerate anything similar said about them.”- StrategyElectrical18
“NTA.”
“Big mean girl energy from her.”
“She knew exactly why you wear hats and was trying to call you out on it.”
“Got what she deserved.”- Putrid_Emphasis2739
“NTA.”
“I don’t get these e-s-h responses.”
“On its face value, ‘why do you wear makeup every day’ is a simple question, and she could have said ‘because I like to’.”
“Which, to be fair, you could have said in response to her.”
“She was majorly out of line for not dropping it after your first response.”
“She was rude for continually questioning your choices.”
“Also the smirk, but I don’t know if people actually do that in real life.”- Todeshase
It is difficult to understand what the OP’s colleague was trying to accomplish with her question.
However, the OP had a chance to be the bigger person, and maintain a professional work environment, and chose instead ot give his colleague a taste of her own medicine.
Creating an awkward workplace situation for everyone.