In today’s world, it can be challenging to find a job that one truly loves.
Many people are stuck in jobs they dislike.
It is rare to find a career that is both fulfilling and financially stable.
Sacrifices will often have to be made in the pursuit of a career.
This can cause turmoil in a relationship.
Redditor InvestigatorNaive978 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to quit my work position for my husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) have been married for 7 years to my (29 M[ale]) husband.”
“We have a 6-year-old child together, and we have a good marriage.”
“I am a Petroleum service technician, meaning I work Monday-Friday and sometimes late nights or on-calls on technical problems.”
“Most days and weekends, I’m home before 5, and on-call is not often.”
“I’m very good at what I do and make really good money doing it.”
“My husband wants me to quit and work part-time or fewer hours, and his reasoning is that he feels my skills are needed more at home than in the field.”
“He believes women should not work at all and that they belong at home.”
“He also makes the same amount of money as I, and he only works M-F.”
“Our daughter understands that when I have to leave, I help make the world go around, and she doesn’t seem to have a problem when I have to go or when I work late.”
“I really love my career and I am not interested in quitting, but I don’t want to choose my work over my family.”
“I feel most respected by my boss and co-workers, and my boss/co-workers encourage me to keep getting better and keep doing what I’m doing now.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not wanting to quit my job for my husband?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Keep working so you can leave him before his sexist s**t begins to clip your daughter’s wings and limit her potential. NTA.” ~ Feeling-Paint-2196
“That kind of attitude is a deal breaker.”
“It’s incredibly important for women always to be able to make a secure living.”
“Keep working for sure.”
“If you give you grief, believe that he is the kind of person everyone is saying he is.” ~ Strange_Abrocoma9685
“I so agree!”
“Sounds like ‘papa’ doesn’t want to take care of his child, and wants OP to stay home so that she can do it full time.”
“Sounds like he’s either jealous of her work success, or wants to control her, or just wants her to stay home to take care of everything.”
“OP, don’t stop working, protect yourself.” ~ Capable_Restaurant11
“Your husband is trying to belittle you and your accomplishments.”
“I would consider counseling, and if he doesn’t grow up and respect you as a partner, NOTE… NOT HIS MOTHER. Leave.” ~ jinxxed42
“As a man, if my wife made so much money that we could afford to live on only one income, I would quit and become a house husband instantly!”
“This guy’s a dumba**!” ~ BenThereOrBenSquare
“NTA. Do not EVER allow a partner to take away your ability to make money.”
“Being able to make your own money gives you CHOICE and FREEDOM.”
“I personally know women who had to stay in bad relationships longer than they wanted to bc they had been out of the workforce and didn’t have their own money to immediately leave.”
“Emotional, physical, even FINANCIAL abuse is a thing.”
“Don’t you ever give up your autonomy?”
“He believes women should not work at all, and they belong at home.”
“GEEZUS. Why TF did you marry him?!?!” ~ Spare-Shirt24
“Your husband feels the same way as you do and fears that you will get stronger.”
“Don’t let him take away your strength.”
“Get out with your daughter before he starts using her as a weapon against you.”
“That’ll be his next move, believe me.”
“She doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, and neither do you.” ~ Kela312
“Say no now.”
“Your daughter deserves a chance to develop autonomy and freedom.”
“She won’t be able to do that if you model dependence and subjugation.”
“Your future depends on your ability to work and make a living.”
“You have to plan for retirement, medical emergencies, household emergencies, your child’s future education, and inflationary events (current economics being a prime example of why financial planning and earning power are essential).”
“If husband dies, becomes disabled, or becomes an abusive prick (given his attitudes, he’s not far off from that), you will need that extra cushion and all that work experience and growth.”
“Do not ever give up your financial independence.”
“If he doesn’t like it, then show him the door.” ~ Wide-Speaker-7384
“Keep the job.”
“This is paying it forward to the future you and your daughter.”
“Tell your husband that his request is unreasonable and seek couples counseling.”
“If he refuses counseling, get your own so you’ll be able to recognize the signs of manipulation and have the tools and resilience to deal with them.”
“NTA. Take care.” ~ BusCareless9726
“Unfortunately, you’re married at a very young age to a sexist, who is blatantly disregarding what you want.”
“Do you work with more men than women?”
“Do not be manipulated or bullied into giving up a well-paid career that you love.”
“Do not let that be the example that you give your daughter.”
“Be careful with your birth control.” ~ Ameglian
“Absolutely this.”
“You married young to someone showing his true colors now.”
“Don’t give up your career for outdated views, + definitely protect your birth control.”
“Daughter’s watching and learning what women should accept.”
“Stay strong.” ~ badjer1983
“So… he admits that you are not only a fantastic career professional, your skills at parenting and running a household are SUPERIOR to his, thus you must be the spouse who stays at home.”
“Of course, you’re NTA.” ~ CrankyWife
“You’re NTA and tell your husband the 1920s called and want their attitude back.”
“He’s not just wanting you to give up your job; he is asking you to give up a part of who you are to satisfy his outdated ideas.”
“And that’s at best.”
“At worst, he is trying to get full control over you by being the only breadwinner.” ~ Dittoheadforever
“Divorce attorney here.”
“Don’t quit your job unless he’ll sign a postnuptial agreement that he will pay you alimony in a sufficient amount to allow you to get back to making as much money at the time of the divorce as you would have if you had not quit your job, or gone part-time.”
“In addition, be sure that all possible money goes into retirement accounts in either your or his name (they would be split equally at the time of your divorce).”
“If he doesn’t want to guarantee to pay you alimony, then how could you possibly quit your job???”
“Alimony is disappearing because of state laws being passed by older, white, male legislators, as a pretend backlash against feminism.”
“As in – ‘Oh? You all want to be equal, then we’re not going to pay you alimony.’”
“But if you quit your job or reduce your hours and that’s income, you will not have the equal income-earning ability, nor will you have equal retirement saved up at the time of the inevitable divorce.”
“And also, remember, right now you guys have 2X the income.”
“If you go part-time, you’ll only have 1.5X the income, and if you quit, it will only be 1X.”
“Can you live your same lifestyle on half the income that you have now?”
“But, honestly, for you, the alimony issue is the most important one.” ~ No-Malarkey-
“Do you have any idea how rare it is to have a workplace at which you feel respected?”
“And you also like it?”
“You have won the lottery.”
“Your daughter is in school.”
“DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!”
“Please, please, please, for your future, for your daughter’s sake, for your own security, for your own happiness and self-respect, do NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!” ~ ElleWinter
“NTA. He’s trying to isolate you, which is the first step of financial abuse.”
“Do not do it. It’s also a HUGE disservice to your daughter.”
“Show her that mommy can do an awesome job doing important stuff.”
“Your husband is a sexist 🐖.” ~ Kappybook916
“You’re certainly not going to be respected at home if your husband feels like that’s your ‘place.'”
“Keep your job and all the respect you get for it.”
“I find your husband’s attitude extremely concerning, and honestly, I’d be on high alert to look for red flags that he might have other problematic ideals just waiting to pop out.”
“Tell him if he feels the home needs more attention, he can stay at home. NTA.” ~ hopelessartgeek
“NTA. It is a completely unreasonable ask and a sexist/misogynistic expectation.”
“You need to be in couples therapy ASAP.”
“Or else you need a good lawyer.”
“Chances are good that he is going to start trying to sabotage your career – be very aware of that.”
“Were you aware of his views on this topic before you married him?” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA. Your husband is, however, as well as a massive misogynist.”
“Please don’t have any more kids with him, and PLEASE think of your daughter’s future.” ~ Laughing_Allegra
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Your husband has no right to ask this of you.
As long as you’re pulling equal weight at home, then he nothing to complain about.
This is 2025; a woman’s place is where she wants it to be.
Enjoy your work and good luck.