Everyone has a lot going on in life.
So making plans can take a lot of effort.
Which is why keeping plans… should be easy.
All that effort needs a payoff.
This can be important for relationships that want to last.
Redditor Pretty_Kangaroo_13 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AIO because my (30 F[emale]) new boyfriend (32 M[ale]) doesn’t want to be snowed in with me, and so I’m rethinking the relationship?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We are expecting a large winter storm to hit.”
“I asked my B[oy]F[riend] if he wanted to come spend the snow day/night with me — we could make s’mores on the stove, play games, cuddle, watch shows, and of course other things.”
“I was pretty excited, didn’t even think he would say no.”
“He took a long pause and then said, ‘It sounds really nice, but I think I’m going to stay home because it’s the perfect weather to stay in and play Xbox.”
“He went on to explain how he is trying to achieve some specific level.”
“I was pretty upset and disappointed that he said no, but we already made plans to do something ahead of the storm, and so I didn’t make a big deal of it.”
“Just was going to soak him up as much as I could before the storm.”
“It comes time for our date before the storm hits (tonight), and he messages me 20 minutes before our date that he had something come up and so our plans fell through.”
“I again was super upset and disappointed, and I’ve now told him to give me some space to think.”
“He frequently cancels our plans because he wants to game or because he falls asleep.”
“This is the 3rd week in a row where we have made plans that fell through because of something unforeseen on his end.”
“I’ve talked to him about his inconsistency, and he says that he is trying to figure out a lot of stuff, and he hopes I will wait for him because he wants me to be by his side as he figures it all out.”
“I’m honestly just getting tired of getting my hopes up, just to be disappointed.”
“I feel my needs are not being met, and he just expects me to put my needs to the side until he finally has time/the ability to handle them.”
“I guess I just really need some advice, and I need to know if I am overreacting or if there is just no hope here.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I would expect this behaviour from a teenager, not a 32 year old MAN!”
“He’s showing what his priority is.”
“Dump him!” ~ _anxious_witch94
“N[ot] O[ver]R[eacting].”
“I had one like this too.”
“He was very obsessed with marrying me and still wanted children despite my firm refusal of both (he was looking to one up his mom’s long time relationship she met in college after divorcing his abusive and possibly fugitive father who he also tried to copy his maverick moves to evade the law but he didn’t inherit that ability he seriously thought are an honorable trait).”
“But he said that I had to get my act together/mature up, while he had absolutely no interest or intention to even take care of himself properly in any form and berated me endlessly about being responsible and looking before I leap/refusing to be an accomplice.”
“He was a major hobosexual and a gold digger and gold bricker who thought he was too above maintaining an income by genuinely working for it.”
“Always expected someone to let him coast along so he will eventually drain their finances/ tank their business with his greed and incompetence.”
“It took me eight years to get away, but I’m now nearly 13 years removed from that sorry, miserable life with him that in his bent mind was just fine, but I could not ‘appreciate it’ how he had to do so much dodgy (including money theft) stuff or nothing at all.” ~ SnooRobots116
“I would not expect this behavior from anyone I actually want to date.”
“My teenage boyfriend flew around the world to surprise me.’
“Like, this is less of an age issue and more of an ‘I was brought up wrong and don’t really care about you issue.'”
“Yes, it’s painful.”
“But not as painful as the rest of your life is going to be coming in second to a screen.”
“A screen that will zap away ambitions and apparently critical thinking, too.”
“You’re a crack filler, a flyover state.”
“You’re the magazine in the doctor’s office that people only pick up because their phone died.”
“Jesus, girl.”
“You are worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!!!”
“You’re worth a man who jumps for a chance to spend a snow date with you, and then helps dig out your car before you wake up in the morning.”
“This ain’t it.”
“He ain’t sh*t.”
“I’m not being hyperbolic, this whole screen-addict genre of apathetic parasite-people are just unworthy of your heart. “
“As much as it hurts now, I promise that when you look back, you’ll be so glad you walked away.” ~ DogsDucks
“Exactly! My boyfriend is a gamer and we are long distance (also a bit older than OP) We have had scheduled calls when he is gaming and he tells the guys ‘I’ll be back in a half hour, I have a date’ and when we spend weekends together either at his place or mine, he tells the guys that he won’t be on that weekend.”
“If we were able to be together for this snowstorm, he would jump at the chance.”
“OP, men are not fixer-uppers, find someone that wants to be with you and not use you as a place holder for a screen.” ~ SignificantKitchen62
“Yeah, right.”
“Blowing off a date because you want to play video games instead, she needs to dump him and find a man, not a boy, who can’t figure out whether he wants to game or act like an adult.”
“He has so much going on with his life that he needs to figure out, yeah, sure.”
“Oh, and he wants her to wait for him, why he ‘figures it out.'”
“At that age, how much does he need to just figure out?”
“He’s a very, very immature 32-year-old with a Peter Pan complex.” ~ Shadow4summer
“NOR. As a gamer myself, I advise you this.”
“His ACTIONS show what matters most to him, not his words.”
“His actions have consistently shown you that he values his games more than you.”
“His choice for this storm is just the icing on the cake.”
“If he loved you, he would make space for you.”
“And part of that is caring for your needs more than a damn video game.”
“Therefore, he loves you less than he loves his games.”
“This will NEVER change.”
“I advise you dump him.”
“Gaming is fine as a hobby, but if a partner won’t put you first, above his games, consistently, he’s not a partner.”
“You’re his ‘den mother.'” ~ bmyst70
“NOR. Life-long gamer, professional game developer here… so games are a pretty significant thing in my life.”
“They are literally my livelihood.”
“I’ve never ever ever cancelled plans with someone to go play a video game.”
“Not girlfriends, not my now wife.”
“Sure, sometimes there’s a big moment in an online game, or an upcoming release I’m very excited about, but in those cases, I made it part of my schedule and let my partner know well ahead of time.”
“This dude is prioritizing games over your relationship.”
“He’s been very clear where you are on his priority list, and it’s behind Xbox and naps. “
“Think long and hard on if you want to stay in a relationship like this.”
“It won’t get better.” ~ Careless-Ad-6328
“I’m sorry to break this to you, but you don’t have a boyfriend.”
“If this is his pattern of behavior, you have a f**k buddy you see sometimes.”
“ETA- One test to be sure everyone is right- suggest he bring the Xbox to your place, or you go there instead.”
“If the answer is the same, he doesn’t want to be bothered with a ‘relationship.'”
“He wants an occasional f**k buddy and emotional support human.” ~ Music_Is_Life_BOWA
“NOR – it sounds like this has been a recurring issue for a while now, and especially the past 3 weeks.”
“He is acting like an addict, canceling plans 20 minutes beforehand to keep gaming.”
“That’s pretty unacceptable, and he’s 32, so this isn’t just a ‘phase,’ he needs to game in moderation and not at the expense of personal connection with his girlfriend… like what the heck is he thinking.” ~ Emergency_Bench_7515
“When I was in management consulting, one of the questions we asked ourselves during interviews was, ‘How would you feel if you were stuck in an airport with this person during a snowstorm?'”
“I think it is time for you to move on.”
“Your new boyfriend wouldn’t hire you.” ~ Background-Key-1088
“NOR. I don’t know if he even likes you.”
“I can’t imagine not wanting to spend as much time with my partner as possible.”
“I would say let this fish go back to the ocean, beloved.”
“You deserve to have someone prioritize you.”
“Especially if he’s grown.” ~ VerboseHamster
OP came back with an Update…
“Wow. I didn’t expect this post to get nearly this much attention.”
“Thank you to everyone who commented and provided their support.”
“I’ve decided to move on from the relationship, and all the comments and advice really helped!”
“I’m sad things didn’t work out, but I still wish him the best.”
“Enjoy a safe and warm snow day, everyone!”
So glad to hear you put your needs first, OP.
He can figure out his own issues without holding up your life.
It’s unfortunate it couldn’t work out.
Onward and upward.
Good Luck.