When a loved one is in need, it’s a wonderful feeling if we are able to help them out in some way.
But there have to be limits to our kindness, of course, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Nlwile3f was stunned when their brother and his girlfriend accused them of forcing them into a tough decision because of not accommodating them even more after already opening their home to the couple.
When their accusations did not let up, the Original Poster (OP) was at a loss for what to do.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for ‘forcing’ my brother and his girlfriend to get an abortion?”
The OP moved into their own place after a tough childhood.
“So I’m a 24-year-old who moved out of their parents’ place a couple of years back.”
“My parents are terrible people and were very cruel to me and my brother growing up.”
“I’ve very much enjoyed the space to myself and it has been the only time in my life I’ve truly felt safe.”
“My twin brother (Zack) didn’t move out and was also pretty miserable living with my parents.”
The OP invited their brother to stay.
“About 8 months ago, he asked if he and his girlfriend (Kat) could stay with me for a while, as he started school a couple of years after me and wasn’t financially in a place where he could afford his own place.”
“Knowing how s**tty my parents are, and how much of a good guy and gal Zack and Kat are, it really wasn’t much of a decision.”
“I just told them to chip in when they can, and as long as I’m not paying for their food or anything like that, it’s chill for the time being.”
“Things have been fine and Zack and Kat have been nothing but respectful to me and my place.”
“The place is on the smaller side but Zack is usually at school or work and Kat works a good amount of the time, so I’m not usually super bothered by it.”
“Their plan has been to move out once Zack graduates, which will probably be 2023 at the rate he’s going. So I’d most likely be living with them another year and a half to two years.”
Then their plans started to change.
“Now, that wasn’t much of an issue to me as they don’t really have anywhere to go and I totally get not wanting to move back in with our parents.”
“The thing is though, about a week back, they revealed to me they were pregnant.”
“While I think it’s awesome, and am excited for them, this severely throws a wrench into our living arrangement.”
“I really can’t deal with a baby living with us for the extended future. I’m someone who’s very sensitive to noises and suffers from insomnia. So a crying baby would literally make my life h**l on Earth.”
The couple wasn’t happy with the OP’s reaction.
“When I asked them what they were planning on doing, they said they were going to keep it as Kat doesn’t believe in abortion and they feel as if they’d make good parents (they definitely would, they’re great people).”
“I said, ‘Oh well, congrats then!’ and we ended the conversation there for that night.”
“The next day, I asked them what their plans were for housing in the near future as they know about my sleeping condition and how I’d feel with a baby/toddler in the house.”
“They said they’d have to stay here as they didn’t really have anywhere else to go.”
“I told them that won’t be happening for reasons stated earlier.”
“They both got very upset and accused me of ‘forcing them to abort their baby.'”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was allowed to disagree with new living arrangements.
“NTA. You aren’t forcing them to do anything. They can have their baby, they just can’t do it while living with you.”
“If their family planning is based on being able to live with you rent-free for the foreseeable future, then they can’t afford to have a baby.”
“You agreed to house them rent-free for over two years, which was incredibly generous, but this is a boundary for you and they need to accept that and stop blaming you for their financial situation. Living with a baby is… a lot, especially if the baby isn’t yours. You have done nothing wrong here.” – Consistent-Leopard71
“NTA – you didn’t sign up for a baby. If they want to keep it, they need to be able to take care of it. If they can’t even manage a roof over their head, then they are in no position to have a baby.”
“You are already doing them a huge favor by letting them live there pretty much for free. It’s ridiculous that they think you are obligated to continue to support them and their baby. They should have been more careful. It’s not your fault or your responsibility.” – lifetooshort4bs
“NTA, that’s their problem. You’ve stated your boundaries clearly and if that doesn’t match up with her beliefs, then they can find another way to manage. You didn’t sign up to living with their kid.” – mads_w02
Others were concerned about the couple becoming entitled.
“They went from grateful to entitled in record time.” – Frodo_Picard
“They really haven’t planned this well, if they have no back-up plan for living arrangements.”
“My guess is that OP has been more than generous, and now they are happy to stay until they have four kids if necessary.” – DrunkOnRedCordial
“I would say they are absolutely the AH. OP is doing them a pretty big favor in the first place by letting them stay there.”
“They aren’t financially secure enough to support themselves, so how do they figure they will support a baby?”
“And then to just expect that someone who is already doing them a favor should just automatically be okay with such a huge change to the arrangement and call that person an AH for not going with it? That absolutely makes them AHs.” – ProbablyNotADuck
Some also pointed out the couple had other options.
“NTA. It’s a s**tty situation all around, but the sad truth is, if they can’t afford their own place, they can’t afford a child.”
“Zack is going to have to make a hard call, in that if they wish to keep the baby, he may need to get a real full-time job, and work on his degree part-time, or even put it off.”
“It sucks, but I’ve known many people who have had to make that choice.”
“Also, while it sucks that you have to be the ‘bad guy’ and say. ‘No, you can’t stay here with a baby,’ it doesn’t sound like even have proper space for the addition of a baby as is.” – nhguy03276
“OP, let’s just be really clear here. The choices aren’t ‘sponge off of OP for years’ vs. ‘abort.'”
“There are other options, including your brother dropping out of college and getting a job or two so he can save up for their own place and support the family until the kid is in school and they get some breathing room.”
“They want a kid? They have to provide for it. Talk to them about this and make it clear that they have multiple options, it’s just that bringing a kid into your apartment isn’t one of them.” – JadieJang
“This sounds like a super manipulative thing for them to say: give us what we want or you are FORCING us to do this other thing. That’s not how any of this works.”
“This un-plan sounds like an attempt to force OP to pony up, actually. They’re not going to have money for anything, and the baby is out of formula… And look, a free babysitter…”
“If they don’t start making credible moving plans in the next few weeks, it might be time to seek legal counsel. This is probably not going to end well.” – Nemo9797
While the OP felt guilty for how this conversation went, the subReddit insisted they were completely within their rights to not also want to take a baby on.
There’s nothing wrong with the happy couple wanting to have a baby, but that doesn’t mean every living space is ready to accommodate them.