Every now and again, two or more people might be given credit for something, even though it was entirely the work or effort of one individual.
Wrong as this may seem on the surface level, the ones who did all the work ultimately might not have such a problem with this, as they may have just wanted to do something nice, or they enjoy the work that it took.
That being said, this does sometimes leave people believing they can take credit for anything.
Even when they don’t deserve to.
Redditor Ill-State-7684 always liked to sneak in a little pick-me-up for her daughter to find at school.
When her husband noticed that she was doing this, he asked if he could be credited for this idea as well.
A request the original poster (OP) did not want to accept, much to the anger of her husband.
Concerned she may have been unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for not letting my husband sign my note?”
The OP explained why she didn’t want to credit her husband for the lunchtime surprise she left her daughter:
“My husband and I take turns making lunches for our daughter.”
“Occasionally I include a little note in the lunchbox with something like, ‘Can’t wait to keep reading X book tonight!’ or ‘Looking forward to hanging out with you at the water park on Saturday!’ plus the ‘love you/proud of you’ stuff.”
“My husband didn’t know I did this, and saw me doing it the other day.”
“He asked if I could sign the note from both Mama and Papa.”
“I told him no, this was my personal note, but he could write one if he wanted.”
“I even gave him a small piece of paper if he wanted to write a note.”
“He refused, got super mad and compared it to me not letting him sign a birthday card for our daughter, or saying a Christmas gift was just from me (not both of us).”
“I think it’s different.”
“Daughter is 7.”
“We split lunch duty up, I do about 65% of them.”
“I write notes infrequently, maybe 1x/mo.”
“For gifting occasions I do find out what she wants/pick it out/wrap gifts and they are clearly presented as being from both of us.”
“Not that it matters but it’s come up – we contribute equally financially.”
“What say you, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to add her husband’s name to her notes.
Everyone agreed that these were personal notes the OP left her daughter when she prepared her lunch, and if this made her husband unhappy, there was no reason he couldn’t do the same thing, without crediting the OP, when he was in charge of packing lunch:
“His immediate reaction was to get mad, instead of writing out his own little note… that’s wild.”
“NTA.”- Vegetable_Pepper2413
“NTA.”
“Parents need to foster individual relationships with their kids.”
“There was nothing stopping him from writing his own notes.”
“It never occurred to him to that.”
“To those calling OP petty, she offered him the ability to write his own note and he refused.”
“He made the conscience choice not to send a note to his child to connect with her.”
“That’s the pettiness of this post.”
“Man refused to step up and make an impact on his kid, showing the small simple note that he thought of her.”- starienite
“My Dad was not big on writing notes or buying cards on this own.”
“On the rare occasions he did, I saved them.”
“One in particular he sent to me while I was working at a camp.”
“He had taken the time to find a card with a canoe on it.”
“My Dad worked two full-time jobs, so knowing he used some of his very few free minutes on me made that card so special.”
“Disregarding everything else, tell your husband that getting a note just from Dad will mean so much to her.”
“He will spend 15 seconds on something she will value forever.”
“NTA.”- MerelyWhelmed1
“NTA, he’s just lazy.”
“If he wants to write her notes he can write her notes.”
“ALSO signing Christmas gifts from both of you when you always do all the of actual thinking in ‘it’s the thought that counts’ is a generosity to him.”
“He doesn’t have to do exactly what you do, he can draw a silly picture or something, cut the sandwich into funny shapes, or do something else unrelated to lunches, but relying on you to provide his love to your daughter on his behalf is just lazy and kind of ridiculous.”
“Also she’s gonna know it’s not from him since it’ll always be in your writing and he’ll never know what the notes say.”- my_baby_smurf
“He couldn’t even be bothered to write his own note?”
“NTA.”
“If he wants to leave cute notes for your child, no one is stopping him!”
“He simply wants the credit for doing something he can’t be bothered to do.”
“Something that is very very easy, mind you.”
“He could leave notes for her around her room or in her shoes, but no.”
“Wanting credit with zero effort.”
“I’d refuse as well.”- Nannamuss
“He refused, got super mad”
“Even if I agreed with his point (I don’t) this would be a wild over-reaction to the situation.”
“Especially since you offered to let him include his own note.”
“NTA.”- Downtown_Culture_985
“NTA.”
“This isn’t about parents working together or anything like that, it’s about the individual bonds parents build with their kids.”
“When I was a kid and mum made my lunch she would put a note in.”
“I loved it because it was our thing, our little moment in a day.”
“And guess what?”
“It never took away from my relationship with my dad, and my dad never felt the need for her to add his name because he recognized it was our little bonding moment.”
“He thought it was sweet.”
“But my dad then made the effort to make sure we had sweet bonding moments.”
“Every time he made my lunch he would boil an egg.”
“EVERY. TIME.”
“Because he would draw a little cartoon character on that egg.”
“Different ones every time.”
“I loved that just has much as the notes, and it was my thing with my dad.”
“Individual rituals and bonding moments between kids and different parents is important.”- Eluinnle
“NTA.”
“He can write his own note tomorrow.”
“How is this a note from both of you?”
“It didn’t even occur to him to write a little note, nor did he contribute to this one.”
“He just feels entitled to your labour, hence his reaction when you refused.”- Parasaurlophus
“NTA.”
“He can’t just piggyback on your closeness with your daughter.”
“If he wants to know her better and be closer to her, he’s gotta put in the effort.”- peakerforlife
“NTA.”
“If he wanted to he would.”
“He wants you to, for the both of y’all.”- ml5683
“NTA.”
“This is different than a birthday card.”
“You get to, and should have, an individual relationship with your child.”
“It isn’t about credit, it is about fostering a relationship.”
“I’m guessing that’s how he sees this note, a credit thing.”
“In which case I understand why he is upset but the very basis of that upset is off.”
“He’s an adult and you still provided him the tools necessary to do this himself.”
“You’ve gone far and beyond.”- Elegant_Bluebird_460
“NTA.”
“Why would sign when he can do it himself?”- MJSpice
“This reminds me of my ex.”
“Not this exact situation, but the defensiveness and doubling down when you said no.”
“Asking to add his name wasn’t an asshole move in and of itself.”
“The way he reacted when you said no, was a**holery indeed.”
“NTA.”- Existing-Goose4475
“NTA.”
“Wether you write ‘and papa’ or not, kids aren’t dumb.”
“They will know that the note is from you and that dad couldn’t bother putting in the effort but wants the praise anyway.”
“If he writes his own note though, you kid will know that he actually does care.”- nervelli
“NTA.”
“He’s too lazy to write one sentence on a post it note?!?”- gdognoseit
“NTA.”
“He can put his own notes in if he wants but this is not a joint thing.”
“You take turns and you have decided to do something special to communicate with your child.”
“He is fully welcome to do the same but piggybacking on your effort and sentiment is ridiculous.”
“If he wants to be closer, he has to put effort in.”- Top-Butterfly-9582
As many pointed out, the OP gave her husband the opportunity to write his own note to leave in their daughter’s lunchbox, along with the note she wrote.
And yet he said no.
While comparing this to forbidding him from signing a birthday or Christmas card was a fairly ludicrous accusation, one now can’t help but wonder if he gave the OP an idea…
Nor does one imagine the OP would mind forfeiting lunch duty entirely to her husband, if that’s what he actually wants…