Milestone wedding anniversaries are nothing to be scoffed at.
Committing years of one’s life to another person is something to be celebrated.
Redditor Flat-Blueberry-4469 thought just that regarding their 40th wedding anniversary with their wife.
However, their youngest child and only daughter threw a wrench into their plans when she invited herself and her family along.
The Original Poster (OP) pivoted from the previously planned romantic getaway to a family-friendly vacation.
However, as time got closer, they changed their mind.
An argument ensued after this change of plan, ultimately driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for abandoning my daughter on vacation?”
They went on to explain.
“My wife and I have always dreamed of celebrating our 40th anniversary with a luxurious vacation. Just the two of us, reliving the romance of our early years.”
“We had it all planned out for years now and were excited beyond words.”
“Enter our adult daughter Jane. Jane and her husband got wind of our plans and promptly invited themselves and their two children [9-year-old Female, 5-year-old Male] along.”
“I originally put my foot down and told them this trip was just for us which upset her some.”
“But my wife has a hard time saying no to Jane, as she is the youngest of our children and our only daughter, and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so she reluctantly agreed to let them join.”
“I wasn’t thrilled about it at the time, but I wanted to make my family happy, and I knew my wife was also okay with the idea of a ‘family’ trip…”
“…even if she were heartbroken we wouldn’t get our romantic trip. We went along with it.”
“The place we were originally going was not child friendly, so we changed course and decided on an all-inclusive family-friendly resort.”
“We paid for the resort and our grandchildren’s plane tickets. Jane and her husband only had to pay for their own airfare.”
“Here’s where things get complicated. As the vacation got closer, I started having a change of heart.”
“I realized that our 40th anniversary was a once-in-a-lifetime milestone, and I wanted to honor it in a way that was true to our original plans.”
“My wife and I might not be able to afford a trip like this again for quite some time, and it’s something we always wanted to do.”
“So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for.”
“I did not tell Jane or her husband. I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, which was a day before Jane’s flight left for their vacation.”
“It wasn’t an easy decision, and I feel guilty about it. But I wanted our 40th anniversary to be the special, intimate celebration we had always hoped for.”
“We called Jane after we landed to tell her, and she was extremely upset to say the least.”
“She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time, and now that I abandoned her, they would have to do it all themselves.”
“I hung up on them when my son-in-law started shouting, and my wife and I enjoyed the rest of our trip.”
“They came back the same day we did but have not answered any of our texts, and Jane seems to be ignoring me.”
“My wife told me she vastly preferred our trip to the family trip we would have taken, but she still doesn’t like how Jane is mad at us and wants me to apologize.”
“I’m not sure I want to after learning Jane and her husband were using us for free babysitting and a free trip but I feel like I should just to keep the peace.”
“Am I the a**hole for changing our trip destination last minute and leaving Jane and her family to fend for themselves?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“What part of the 40th Anniversary trip did your daughter and son-in-law not understand?”
“Oh, boo-freaking-hoo, they wanted to spend time alone and designated the grandparents to babysit on what should have been their special trip.”
“If your daughter and son-in-law wanted alone time on a trip, they could have gone on a different trip and politely asked you and your wife to watch the kids while they were away.”
“Not try and hijack your trip!”
“Do not feel guilty, OP. Not even for a second. You and your wife have done the parenting of your kids, and now it’s time to start enjoying life as a couple again.”
“Sure, your parents and grandparents, but you’re still a couple and deserve to enjoy falling in love with each other all over again with romantic trips that DO NOT include your offspring or grandkids.”
“Your daughter needs a swift kick of reality right in the tookus.”
“She had the audacity to invite her family to your romantic weekend with the express purpose of securing babysitters so SHE could enjoy herself without any thought for her parents.”
“The entitlement is mind-boggling.” – Ok_Smoke_1056
“NTA you essentially paid for her holiday. If you then go elsewhere, then thats up to you – you have no obligation to tell her or check with her first.”
“She has no right to expect you to be her babysitter on your 40-year wedding anniversary trip!!”
“Jane needs to check her entitlement, funny how she wanted time with her husband without the kids but didn’t think you and your wife would want that on such a special occasion.”
“Thing she doesn’t understand or take into account either is I am sure that over those 40 years and with three children…”
“…you and your wife will have already made compromises and put your kids before you (you sound like the kind of amazing parents that would).”
“It’s now time for her to give back and make sure you and your wife get to enjoy some of those things you have missed out on.”
“So NTA and im glad you and your wife enjoyed yourselves xxx happy anniversary 🍾🥂” – No_Initiative_8480
“Sorry but I have to go ESH.”
“I mean, clearly Jane was the a**hole, inviting herself, her husband and her two kids along on what was supposed to be a milestone anniversary vacation.”
“And this part makes me absolutely f*cking cringe:”
“‘She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time and now that I abandoned her they would have to do it all themselves.’”
“‘I hung up on them when my son-in-law started shouting…’”
“You raised an entitled brat, though sometimes how kids turn out has little to do with their parents.”
“But on the other hand:”
“‘So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for.’”
“‘I didn’t not tell Jane or her husband. I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, … It wasn’t an easy decision and I feel guilty about it.’”
“That guilt? Yeah, that’s you knowing the answer to your question ‘Am I the a**hole?’”
“Now, let’s be clear: sometimes we have to be the a**hole. Sometimes we have to take action without telling anyone or without being above board.”
“Sometimes we have to spring a surprise on someone who was completely unsuspecting.”
“But that doesn’t mean we’re not a**holes for doing it.”
“Rather than put your foot down and set boundaries, you kinda took the chicken sh*t way out of not telling anyone until it was too late for anyone to do anything about it.”
“And honestly, I’m cheering you on for doing it.”
“But it is an a**hole move.”
“NTA and your daughter flat out admitting she was planning to have you two be on babysitting duties during YOUR ANNIVERSARY vacation…”
“…so her and her husband can get some alone time is so extremely selfish that might almost feel like parental fail.”
“You have catered to her needs seems a bit too much and she has gotten the idea that YOUR world revolves mainly around her (maybe because she is your youngest?)…”
“…but she is adult person in a relationship with kids now so should understand quickly you have your own relationship and life outside being her parent.”
“You did the smart thing, OP. If I were in your place, I’d leave the reach out to Jane to see when she will try to contact you.”
“Communicate all this with your wife too. It is unfair what they had planned for your vacation especially when they knew you wanted alone time.”
“You paid for their kids’ holiday too, so you are entirely guilt-free about changing your plans.” – atealein
What does this behavior say about the daughter and how she views her marriage? 👀