How petty is too petty when it comes to responding to a joke?
Reddit user JohnSeed974 wasn’t sure if she took things too far when she responded to a comment from her fiance’s ex-girlfriend. What better place to ask than the AITA (“Am I The A**hole?”) subReddit?
It’s a place where people gather to discuss whether or not someone was the jerk in a situation. The way it works is simple.
First, the original poster (OP) shares their story as a post. Once people have read it, they use the comments to vote and share their thoughts.
Voters have the following options:
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
So let’s get to her story.
“My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) are getting married in a few months. Yay!”
“His ex girlfriend (also 20F) works as a saleswoman in a clothing store.”
“The boyfriend and I go on a shopping spree and after having purchased a lot of clothes from other stores, we went to the one his ex works at. Immediately, she greets us and is very nice.”
“Then, while my boyfriend waits next to the cabins, I pick a few bikinis. They are fairly expensive so I am not gonna buy them all.”
“When ex gf sees that I have 3 different expensive bikinis, she jokingly said ‘oh, you seem like a needy girlfriend’ I looked at her and said ‘no, I am more of a needy fiancée’ while holding up my left hand.”
“The conversation wasn’t in English and that was the closest translation I could find. We live on an island off the coast of Africa and speak a derivation of French and Hindi.”
“What she said literally translates to ‘you really like it as a girlfriend’ – implying that I am some sort of gold digger for my boyfriend.”
“I have never been this petty before, but I bought all 3 of the bikinis just because.”
“My boyfriend bought one of them, and I bought the other two with my own money. I was being petty and didn’t want him to pay for my pettiness”
“When we left, my boyfriend told me that it was an a**hole move and that, while he doesn’t care that people know, I shouldn’t have announced it that way.”
“I actually feel bad now that I think about it.”
“But when I asked my parents if I was an a-hole, my mom fell out laughing and my dad got a little bit mad because he ‘didn’t raise me that way.’ “
“So reddit, am I an a**hole?”
Before Reddit could really get to talking about the issue, a little clarification was needed.
Firstly, Reddit wanted to know if she and her partner’s ex have any sort of history with one another. Secondly, married at 20 really struck a few people as being too young.
OP had no problem clarifying those points.
“Ex girlfriend and I don’t know each other, I went into the store to buy swimsuits for the upcoming summer (I live in the south hemisphere) and boyfriend didn’t know she worked there.”
“Getting married at 20 sounds to be a problem to a lot of you, so I am reposting a comment where I answered :”
“I don’t see why it is a problem that I get married at 20 (21 at the time of marriage). Boyfriend and I both have a stable jobs, we make good money, we have been together for 3 years, we have a house, cars and plan on having kids together.”
“You are probably thinking the American way (or anywhere in Europe, to be honest) but where I live, life is pretty affordable and pretty much anyone that has graduated high school has a job.”
With that out of the way, Reddit got down to business.
“NTA. She clearly was being rude and baited you.”
“Personally I would have gone for ‘I just want to make sure I pick the best one for our honeymoon’ and let her do the math. But hey, she reaped what she sowed. Solid comeback, 10/10” – ff_screech
“ESH. I just really hope there’s no commission sales deal at that store, otherwise OP essentially paid the ex to insult her.” – KumaKarp
“She tried baiting but OP got off the hook. She tried taking a jab, OP ducked and came back with an uppercut! Knockout comeback. NTA.” – Bearded_Mythos
“YTA. If you’re old enough to be engaged, you’re old enough to not be f*cking tacky.” – NormanBeets
“NTA- her comment was absolutely inappropriate and unprofessional. That level of pettiness is absolutely acceptable when someone crosses the boundary of customer service, pulls their personal feelings into it, and insults a customer.”
“She’s lucky you didn’t report her. Your dad and fiancee can get over themselves if they can’t understand how much of kindness that actually was, given the actual circumstance.” – YeahIgotanopinion
“What were you supposed to do, crumple like a wilted flower and put them all back? Petty or not, you owned it and didn’t let her ruin your joy when she tried to bait you.”
“If you went in rubbing it in her face unprompted, you would be TA but not in this situation. NTA.” – PaperTowelWarrior
“OP wasn’t an a**hole to anyone here but she showed exactly the type of immaturity and impulsivity that makes it a bad idea to marry at 20. NTA.” – no_regrats
“YTA. It was pretty tacky. Would’ve been much more savage to say, ‘Oh, I’m just picking out something sexy for our honeymoon.’ “
“You’d get the point across, keep your grace while still smacking her down, all while giving her 0 ammunition to work with because you didn’t say anything rude.”
“But waving your hand like that? Yeesh. Makes you look immature and a bit insecure.” – shakka74
“NTA. Not only was she passive aggressive and petty, she was calculating and manipulative by being nice to you when you entered with your fiancé and then being catty as soon as he was out of earshot.”
“On top of that, she was at work and was supposed to be serving you. You responded in kind.”
“You would have been justified in reporting her behaviour to her boss, she got off easy. Your fiancé should have supported you. Congrats on your engagement!” – miasabine
“Congrats on your upcoming marriage! However, I’m voting ESH.”
“Friendly or not, unless the ex has that kind of relationship with you, her comment was rude. But I think you already know you were rude back.”
“I can’t say I wouldn’t have clapped back with the same thing though. Just don’t make that a regular habit when things can be shut down politely!” – BananaNutBread77
“Eh, ESH. Your post reminds me of something that a freshman in high school would write. Should you really be getting married?” – EstherAndThyme
“NAH. Provoking to make petty customers buy more is great strategy. She did a good job and jokes on you.” – smaragdAugen
It doesn’t seem like Reddit is going to be able to come to any agreement on this one. So let’s hear from you.
Was this too petty? Not petty enough? Did OP hit the Goldilocks zone and get her pettiness just right?
Let us know what you think.