There’s a common belief held by parents of adult children that the next logical step is for their kids to make grandchildren. And if you want kids, it can feel pretty good granting that wish and telling your parent.
However, announcingaitababy still isn’t sure what she should do. The original poster (OP) decides to ask “Would I be the A**hole” (WIBTA) to the internet in their situation.
She took her question to Reddit to find out:
“WIBTA for announcing my pregnancy at my mothers birthday party?”
There’s a little more context to the query:
“Before anyone rushes to answer, please fully read.”
“I know the usual rule is no baby announcements at anybody else’s day but for the last 2 months I’ve been asking my mother what she wants for her birthday and she consistently says to be a grandmother (she’s been waiting for a grandbaby since my wedding night and I’m an only child so it’s either me having one or no grand baby at all).”
“I know she’s half joking, half not, but I found out my husband of 6 years and I were 10 weeks pregnant a couple weeks ago.”
“My husband thinks she would enjoy the news on her birthday but I’m a bit more skeptical because I don’t want to overstep any boundaries. It’ll just be my Dad, my Mom, my Husband, and my Aunt there so it’s not going to turn a ton of heads, but I’m still wary.”
“So Reddit, if I announced my pregnancy at her birthday party would I be an a**hole?”
While OP is positive her mother would be ecstatic at the news, it would also encroach on her birthday party. To figure out if she would be wrong, Redditors on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit judge OP.
This was done by including one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- (Or YWNBTA for “You Would Not Be The A**hole)
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- (Or YWBTA for “You Would Be The A**hole)
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Despite OP’s insistence that her mother would love it, the other commenters agreed that it wouldn’t be right to do at her birthday.
Let the mom have a day focused on her, and OP can tell her another time.
“YWBTA. Don’t do it in her birthday. It doesn’t matter how much she wants to be a grandma, you don’t know how she is going to react if you tell everyone that you are expecting in her birthday.”
“Either tell her other day or tell her privately with your father, but announcing news in a celebration without the approval of the host is just an a**hole move.” – M_F_A_M
“YWBTA to announce during her party. It’s always awkward to witness this kind of thing and not know whether the person whose event is being usurped is genuinely happy about it or is plastering a smile on.”
“And it does come across as ‘I know we’re here to celebrate you, but look at me!’”
“I would either talk to her just before the party or wait until the end of her party, and ideally announce to her on her own. That way it’s special for her and can’t be misconstrued as a performance for her guests.” – Narrow_Map4950
“You wiil be, it’s still her day. Maybe tell her before or after so she can decide what to do with the news” – Zestyclose-Jaguar-56
“Buy a real gift. Give it first. Have a second stashed with the baby announcement… especially if she says Something in front of everyone about being a grandmother as her greatest gift.”
“If not wait until the very end and say ‘Hey you know what I forgot to give you this other present’ and then give it to her.” – charitymw7
“YTA. Here me out, if the day isn’t about you, for you, and hosted by you announcement of personal things like pregnancy, engagement, marriage proposals and the like shouldn’t be done.”
“It takes attention away from the birthday, wedding, engagement party or whatevers day. Which would be fairly rude to be honest.” – FairyRogue
However, other commenters weren’t so convinced. They reasoned that the mom may really enjoy the news as a gift.
But that would be something OP would have to determine.
“YWNBTA”
“That would be a wonderful gift! Just be sure to do it in a cute way, like still give her a gift, but maybe slip something inside her gift like a t-shirt that says something corny like ‘Best Grandma Ever!’”
“Congratulations on your pregnancy and may you have a healthy baby.” – LoveBeach8
“NTA,”
“If a grandchild is what your mom wants then what better gift to give? Just get a card and put a picture of the ultrasound in it, she will instantly ‘get it’.” – Hopeful_Asparagus_31
“NAH – You know your mom better than anyone in this sub. How does she typically react to others’ big news as and sharing spotlights?”
“From what you’ve described, to me, it sounds like she’d be thrilled to hear your news, no matter when.”
“If you are truly worried that her reaction might be different depending on when you share the news, trust your judgement. Maybe go over early to share your news and let your mom decide if she wants to tell your aunt during the party.”
“Depending on how close you live, you could even go over the night before; that way it’s still close enough to be a birthday gift but not on the actual day itself.”
“In any case, congratulations! I really think you’re making mountains out of molehills and your mom is just going to be overjoyed.”
“She’ll always remember the year you gave her exactly what she’d been wanting for so long.” – Tricky-Worth-6771
“I mean she keeps asking you to make her a grandma so that seems like she would really enjoy this. Maybe do it super corny like gifting her a bunch of baby books and grandma and me, or onesies with cute grandma phrases on them.”
“NTA based on circumstances. Seems like the exception to the rule here.” – snowwhitesludge
In the end, OP decided to go with the safe option.
“Edit: i think we’re gonna listen to the suggestion of telling her at the end of the day! Thank y’all!”
Sometimes it takes several dozen strangers assuring you the same thing to make the right choice.