How and when parents reveal their pregnancies is their business.
Some people want to shout it out right away.
Some people like to keep it a secret for as long as possible.
The problem with secrets though, is that they always find a way out.
Especially when certain aspects of said secret are obviously showing.
So what is the proper reaction to the whole scenario?
Case in point…
Redditor Relevant_Country_39 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she was being very obvious when trying to hide her pregnancy?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister, Amber, is currently 3 months pregnant with twins.”
“She’s already begun to develop a bump.”
“Right now, she’s only told me, our parents, and our brother, as well as giving myself and our brother permission to tell our spouses.”
“We have all agreed to keep it a secret until she’s ready.”
“The issue is, she’s become very obvious about it.”
“To the point where she’s doing near comical things to hide it when we’re around family (which has been frequently as of late).”
“Picture the stuff people do in sitcoms when the characters aren’t pregnant but the actor is.”
“Covering her stomach with her purse, holding her older daughter in front of the bump, wearing much baggier clothes when she’s typically the type to wear things that show off her figure.”
“Amber has always been pretty fit as she’s a gym rat.”
“The bump itself doesn’t even look like extra fat or anything, just a very pronounced baby bump.”
“If ever she has to move something from her stomach, she’s very quick to hide it.”
“So, obviously, many have caught on but for the most part, were good sports.”
“No one ever directly asked us but would make hints.”
“I never entertained them.”
“We all gathered on Sunday for a family dinner.”
“Amber was holding her 2-year-old for a bit.”
“When the little one wanted to go play, Amber then tried to cover herself with a blanket.”
“My cousin (30) said ‘Alright, Amber, cut the dramatics. We all know.'”
“A few instantly reprimanded my cousin.”
“Amber turned bright red. “
“She refused to say anything at the moment, though later quietly confirmed to our aunt, telling her to spread it around.”
“Amber is now very upset.”
“I agree our cousin was obnoxious and shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I’ve tried to be supportive and comforting.”
“However, Amber kept saying ‘I don’t know how they figured it out!!!'”
“I finally said, ‘Sweetie, you really weren’t trying hard. I respect why you wanted to wait but by this point, it was quite obvious.'”
“She got mad and tried to insist it wasn’t obvious.”
“I said it absolutely was and she didn’t help matters by acting like she was in a sitcom.”
“I stressed our cousin was wrong but she wasn’t as stealthy as she thought.”
“I was not saying she should’ve done more to hide it.”
“I also don’t think she was wrong to hide it.”
‘I’m just saying the sentiment ‘I don’t know how they figured it out!!’ doesn’t work when she was being obvious.”
“Now, she’s mad at me and says I’m victim-blaming.”
“I said I’m absolutely not.”
“No one should’ve said anything, but she was being obvious and she shouldn’t pretend otherwise.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“First of all, she is not a victim (unless this pregnancy is the result of a traumatic event)?”
“Second of all, it’s not wrong to tell her that it was obvious when she asked the question.”
“She just didn’t like the answer and unfortunately it came from you so you are the target. NTA.” ~ Osidestarfish
“I am currently 4 months pregnant and not all responses out of my hormonal mouth were easily put in the category ‘right response.'”
“Especially not when stressed out or emotional.”
“And stressed out or emotional can happen cuz of a freaking piece of crisps that happens to look like a duck or something irrationally stupid.”
“Cut her some slack, twins are very risky nobody knows what the details of the pregnancy are and how worried and stressed she is about having twins.”
“Trying to not deal with family members for as long as possible is completely understandable in my opinion.”
“But yes victim blaming is definitely not what happened here.” ~ girly-lady
“Yes, but in this case she was doing a lot of things that were uncomfortable or took effort for nothing.”
“Holding a 2-year-old in front of you for a while is not that easy, and it is not comfortable to put a blanket on if it’s hot (although maybe it was cold weather).”
“Isn’t it a bit kinder to just tell her that her efforts are wasted, and it is better to just be comfortable?” ~ elder_flowers
“If someone’s that committed to their delusion or facade and it doesn’t impact you, I’d leave it be.”
“It’s like when someone has a bad toupee if they think people are buying it, it’s not hurting anyone or you leave it be.”
“It’s astounding how unwilling to deal with the obvious some people are and you will not be thanked for bursting their bubble.” ~Nerditall
“Some people prefer to wait until they get past the first trimester when the threat of miscarriage lessens.”
“But at the point she was starting to show because of twins, she should have given up the charade.” ~ Creative-Sun6739
“She doesn’t have to ‘give up the charade.'”
“Cousin should have minded her own business even if it was obvious.”
“If it’s obvious but someone hasn’t said something just follow their lead.”
“She’s not doing anyone harm in her baggy jumpers.”
“Like at work or in a social circle… women suddenly stop drinking, are a bit more sickly, change what they are eating.”
“Is it f**king obvious? Yes.”
“Should you raise it in front of a big group and make a whole thing about it? No.”
I don’t think OP is an AH for explaining how they all knew though.” ~ lunchbox3
“OP wasn’t the AH but she probably didn’t need an explanation and just exclaimed something silly out of her emotionally hormon-ridden pregnant brain.”
“I am currently 4 months pregnant for the second time.”
“The emotional craziness is so irrational.”
“To say stupid stuff in a stressful situation isn’t surprising.”
“It’s not victim blaming for sure though.”
“But again, I would just give her space and not take anything to heart as long it’s harmless emotional stuff like that.” ~ girly-lady
“Having just had a 3-month scan myself, I waited to tell most people because I had no idea if my baby was alive or healthy until that scan.”
“With twins, it’s even more anxiety-inducing as more things could go wrong.”
“So she may have not had the scan yet, or only just had it.”
“It’s totally up to the individual to decide when and who they tell.”
“I’d have been gutted if someone did what happened to the OP’s sister to me.”
“Because if something was wrong with the pregnancy and I had to make a difficult decision, I wouldn’t have had the privacy.”
“I get that it was very obvious that the sister was pregnant, but saying she didn’t try very hard to hide it is weird when she was clearly going extra lengths to hide it, even if unsuccessfully.” ~ creepylilreapy
“She was delusional to think her bump didn’t show because it did.”
“She’s been told since then that it was obvious and she is still in denial.”
“OP’s Sis effectively walked around with that info plastered across her stomach area like a billboard, then got upset when people noticed.”
“However what she’s probably really upset about is that she couldn’t control the size of her bump, which effectively announced her pregnancy for her.”
“Everything else is just shooting the messenger.”
“If she really wanted to stop the news from getting out, not attending was an option too, but Sis chose to take the risk and spin the wheel of fortune.”
“Like I said, if you play stupid games, you really don’t have the right to complain about the prizes 🤷♀️.” ~ Useful_Experience423
“It was obvious.”
“They never asked for confirmation, just for cousin to stop fussing over her bump like it was a state secret.”
“Maybe Sis shouldn’t have been so rude as to attend and behave in such a ridiculous way; ie I’m obviously pregnant, but anyone who says or asks anything is rude and disrespectful!!”
“Nope. That’s completely entitled, rude, and selfish in my book.”
“She should’ve just stayed home if she was that bothered.”
“It is not everyone else’s job to pander to her delusional insistence that her bump was hidden.”
“She *knew *it showed, which is why she kept trying to hide it.”
“This is 100% the result of her own actions.”
“Sis was pregnant, Sis couldn’t cover it effectively.”
“Sis decided to attend knowing this.”
“Sis expected everyone to ignore the obvious bump.”
“Sis expected everyone to politely ignore her messing with blankets to cover up the bump everyone had already seen.”
“Sis is now upset she bet on no one noticing and lost.”
“How do you read that and think Sis is in the right?” ~ Useful_Experience423
“There is no victim here.”
“She tried to hide something and she couldn’t do it.”
“Nothing was done to her and really she wasn’t really even insulted.”
“If anything her theatrics were insulting the intelligence of everyone around her. NTA.” ~ Facetunethis
“The wording could’ve been better.”
“‘Sweetie, you really weren’t trying hard’ might’ve sounded less accusatory as ‘You’re trying but it’s just become way too obvious’ either way NTA.” ~ Katapotomus
“NTA. I don’t get what she was a victim of.”
“The way she was hiding it makes me think she actually wanted people to notice she was pregnant and say something.” ~ Irdgafbra
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Maybe a little more finesse would have been nice, but you weren’t being malicious.
Wishing your sister luck with the babies.