Redditor hikinggalthrowaway is an avid hiker and has a male friend who has a tendency of inviting himself to her group hikes.
He also mansplains a lot.
Not wanting to further be subjected to his condescension, she did what she thought was necessary when he caught wind of her future hiking plans.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for being honest on why a friend couldn’t come hiking with me?”
“I (F[emal] 28) am an avid hiker and camper. I’ve done the PNT by myself, dozens of solo camping trips and will hopefully be doing the Appalachian trail this spring. All this is not to brag, but just to say I know what I am doing.”
“There’s a guy about the same age as me in my friend group who has invited himself on a few camping trips and it’s never fun. He ‘mansplains’ a lot, like telling me why I shouldn’t wear particular socks and that my backpack is packed incorrect.”
“While I never want to body shame, he is also not in the best shape and requests breaks frequently. He considers himself an outdoorsman type.”
“That’s fine, except last time we went camping I ended up trekking his (absolutely useless) inflatable couch down the mountain because it was hurting his back.”
“This coming weekend I am planning a hike with one other friend. It is not an easy hike, rated about 4-5 stars and typically described as one of the hardest hikes in the East.”
“When this guy got wind of that, he texted me and said ‘you need to make room for one more in your car.’ I just said, sorry, there wasn’t any room but he kept on pushing for a better explanation and that he knew I could take him.”
“I finally said ‘this is a really hard hike. I do not think you can handle it. Maybe you can, but if you can’t I do not want to have to deal with an emergency while scrambling up a cliff.'”
“He is PISSED. Told all of our friends what I said and they are actually on my side, which is nice. But one girl said I should not have embarrassed him. I didn’t mean to. I just can’t bring him along and take a risk. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
One Non-hiker had a nagging question.
“NTA. Inflatable couch? Is this something serious hikers bring?”
“No shade on the concept of comfort – it’s absolutely something I would enjoy but I’m not now or ever a serious hiker or camper. Just wondering.” – Pistalrose
The OP clarified:
“Lol. There’s these things called fatboys- I know some companies call them lamzacs? They’re like inflatable couch pod things? I carried two once. On an overnight baby camping trip for my two little nieces. I would never have a couch.” –
She also updated her post to include:
“Lmao, I keep getting questions about the couch. It was some Coleman getup, very unwieldy and a good extra 10lbs.”
“As one of you guessed, the hike is Katahidn via Hunt trail.”
“I’m also wondering about some of the crush comments now, cause he seemed put out when I was content to sit on my foamie. Also, he’s know my (also a woman) fiancée for about three years now.”
Redditors continued to weigh in with their NTA judgments.
“NTA. I hiked Katahdin a long time ago in the scouts and it was a difficult hike even then, but I can’t remember which trail, we hiked the knife’s edge on the way out.”
“That is def not a hike for beginners or someone who isn’t in good shape, some of my troop couldn’t finish it even though they were young and athletic.” – Tdrive1300
“First off thank you for thinking of the emergency rescue people. Not enough people do that before heading out into the wilderness.”
“Secondly, regardless of if he could handle the hike or not, he wasn’t invited. I mean who invites themselves like that? ‘you need to make room for one more in your car’ Ew.”
“NTA. But he definitely is.” – cr2810
“did you tell him th truth in a group text? If not, then he embarassed himself by telling your group of friends. NTA.” – FrnchsLwyr
When the OP confirmed the “exchange was private,” FrnchsLwyr replied:
“right, so gaslighting aside, how can you privately embarass him, again? NTA”
People continued slamming the purported hiking expert for being the guy nobody wants at their party but somehow shows up.
“NTA. You tried to give him a face-saving out, but he pressed you repeatedly for a full explanation, so, eventually, you gave it to him. He sounds terrible and I hope he is mad enough to avoid hiking with you from now on.” – AllegedLead
“NTA. So not only is he physically unable to hike safely but he’s also unable to understand that it’s inappropriate and rude to invite yourself along on someone else’s outing? This guy sucks.” – NUTmeSHELL
“He wasn’t invited! It’s bad manners to invite yourself, and demand to be accommodated in the vehicle and on the trip!”
“Plus, you don’t enjoy his company. Plus, past experience. There’s loads of reasons why he shouldn’t come. The ‘women shouldn’t embarrass men’ thing is nonsense that you do not need to pay attention to.”
“Just tell him that if you ever consider bringing him, you’ll let him know with a proper invitation. Until then, he should assume he’s not welcome on this trip or any other. NTA.” – Reasonable_racoon
“I don’t go into the woods with anyone I don’t trust knows what they are doing…unless they are someone who is there to specifically learn and will listen to the experienced people.”
“You have every right to not want to take an inexperienced ‘know it all’ into the wilderness where you would then be responsible for them.”
“This dude can kick rocks. NTA.” – Ron_Fuckin_Swanson
“NTA. Honesty was required, especially with safety on the line.”
“You did not embarrass him. He chose to make his being pushy and your response public. That was his choice.” – Decent_Ad6389
“NTA. I just dealt with this, doing a multi day paddling trip. I let him come along and it was a complete regret.”
“You can only support another person so much. They have to be able to pull their weight. If they can’t, they have no business going. Them being at risk puts you all at risk, as a group is only as strong as their weakest link.” – Pronky22
Many Redditors said the guy embarrassed himself and agreed with the OP for being upfront with him over safety concerns.